Stung Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 So a general question about your partners past, what do you think is ok to save from your past and what do you want your partner to throw awa?(this is if you're in a serious relationship) Wondering about photos, letters, cards, nude photos, sex videos etc? What would you be ok with that your SO still keeps? Emely Pictures, letters, journals and most sentimental mementos I'm okay with, so long as they're not hoarded like sacred artifacts or displayed as if the ex just left the room. My husband has a silver flask engraved with a romantic message from his exgf (mother of his daughter), I didn't ask him to throw it away but I did ask that we not have it up on a shelf in OUR kitchen . He's an absentminded guy, hadn't even noticed that it had been sitting there for five years and through two other fairly serious girlfriends . Knowing what I know about one of them, that must have driven her crazy. He put the flask in the closet, no big deal, when I pointed it out. I also have pictures, letters, journals and mementos from periods of time in my life that include some serious boyfriends, but they're mostly put away in boxes for me to go through someday when I'm old and trying to remember where I've been and what I've done . Anyway. Practical things like shirts or coffee machines, don't really care about at all. Sex things like nude photos or sex videos get thorny. I wouldn't be comfortable with him looking at stuff like that, and I can admit that it might make me feel insecure. Part of it though is also this: if they were pictures that I had given to a man, I would want him to delete them after we broke up, and not continue to have instant recall of my body. So I think part of my discomfort would be on their behalf. Also we are still in the social circle of many of his former girlfriends and are friendly with them, so I think it would be inappropriate on multiple levels.
make me believe Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 I don't think anyone has the right to ask their partner to get rid of photos, letters, and general mementos. As long as they are put away and not out in the open, and your partner isn't going through them & reminiscing about the past all of the time, I think it's fine. I would be really upset if my BF asked me to get rid of photos & letters from my ex's. I don't go through that stuff very often, but I don't want to just trash large parts of my past like that. Nude pics & videos, though.... NO!!! That sh*t needs to go as soon as the breakup occurs, IMO. If I had nude pics with an ex, I certainly wouldn't want him still looking at them & jerking off to my naked body after we broke up. That seems kinda weird & pathetic to me.
FearandLoathing Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 I think it's okay to keep these things, as long as it isn't sex tapes or pictures like everyone else said. If a boyfriend ever asked me to throw away things from my past that I keep stored away for my own memories, I'd be pretty upset and I wouldn't get rid of them. It's not like I pull it out every weekend and spend hours reminiscing, I like to keep it for when I'm old. Like someone else said, if you're so insecure that you feel threatened by letters and pictures in boxes that are stored away that's completely your problem and no one should have to give up memories or whatever just because of it.
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