How do you deal with the past??

[emely]

So a general question about your partners past, what do you think is ok to save from your past and what do you want your partner to throw awa?(this is if you're in a serious relationship)

 

Wondering about photos, letters, cards, nude photos, sex videos etc?

What would you be ok with that your SO still keeps?

 

Emely

[AverageJoe]

I still keep some letters and a few photos from past girlfriends. I think they are in my storage building. Its just a keepsake for me, a snapshot of good times in my life.

 

It wouldnt bother me if someone else had things like that.

[emely]

yeah I think thats pretty normal,everyone has a past and you shouldn't have to erase that, but what about when it comes to nude pics, sex videos etc. I've seen a lot of threds here and it seems a lot of guys won't get rid of them? I even saw somewhere someone saying no guy would actually get rid of something like that, just hide them better????

[prettybaby]

I think photos are hard to avoid. Especially if it was a long term relationship and they lived together. I haven't seen any picture of my boyfriend with his ex, but I'm sure they exist somewhere. And his parents probably have some too. I'm cool with it. You can't just erase years of your life.

 

I'm also cool with a few objects here and there. Especially practical things in the kitchen, or furniture or whatever. I mean, you know, things that would make no sense to throw away.

 

Everything else would have to go. Naked pictures? No! Letters? No! Sex videos? Oh hell no!

[emely]

hmm ok yeah, but Pretty baby, you haven't saved any letters etc from ex's?

and I guess if your BF has photos(like you said he probably has) he might have letters as well??

 

Why do you think the letters has to go? (I'm not jumping you I'm just curious)

[CLC2008]

I removed all of my letters, cards, and the likes from my 6 year LTR, over a year ago. The one before that, I think he kept everything of ours, so I don't have anything from it.

[AverageJoe]

yeah I think thats pretty normal,everyone has a past and you shouldn't have to erase that, but what about when it comes to nude pics, sex videos etc. I've seen a lot of threds here and it seems a lot of guys won't get rid of them? I even saw somewhere someone saying no guy would actually get rid of something like that, just hide them better????

 

 

 

Let me put it like this. As I said, I think those items are outside in storage. I really couldnt tell you what might be in there. They are not hidden, they are just there. If a girl decides to be nosey (strike one) and feels the need to peruse through my private effects and finds those items. Its her problem, not mine. If she feels threatened by a letter or photo from years ago, she has the problem, not me (strike two).

 

Depending on how she responds could possibly be strike three.

[prettybaby]

hmm ok yeah, but Pretty baby, you haven't saved any letters etc from ex's?

and I guess if your BF has photos(like you said he probably has) he might have letters as well??

 

Why do you think the letters has to go? (I'm not jumping you I'm just curious)

I personally consider pictures and letters to be very different. You can't ask someone to trash pictures of their trips around the world, cool places they've been to, important family events they attended, etc , just because he happened to be with his ex at that point in his life.

 

Letters, however, are strictly linked to the relationship itself. To feelings that were there and aren't there anymore (at least I would hope so lol).

 

I don't have any letters from anyone but my boyfriend. I guess mainly because I'm just not part of the letter generation lol Everything already happened by email and text message when I started dating, so those are all gone for good. I did receive 2 love letters in the past, which are long gone too (I lost them somewhere, and never cared to find them back, so they probably ended up in the trash at some point, which would have eventually been the case anyway).

 

Maybe he still has letters, maybe he doesn't. I'm pretty sure there are none at his house. His house is so clutter free, it's amazing how clean and neat his cupboards are lol If any letters still exist, they're probably at his parents house somewhere in a box full of junk that hasn't been opened in years.

 

I would ask for them to disappear if I found them at his place. Because what would someone need them for, unless it was to read them and relive the past? No good can come from it.

[skydiveaddict]

I don't have anything she gave me, What ever would burn went in the bbq the first party I had when I got back home. Everything else I threw away

[AverageJoe]

I would ask for them to disappear if I found them at his place. Because what would someone need them for, unless it was to read them and relive the past?

And if he didnt? Deal breaker? You cant erase years of your life. You just said that yourself, scroll up. Yeah, right there.

 

No good can come from it.

 

No good can come of it for you.

[prettybaby]

And if he didnt? Deal breaker? You cant erase years of your life. You just said that yourself, scroll up. Yeah, right there.

 

 

 

No good can come of it for you.

So explain to me what would be the positive reason for keeping love letters from an ex?

 

When I said the past can't be erased, I was talking about pictures, and how it would be hard to trash albums full of pictures covering years of your life, which may even include family members who have passed away by now.

 

I hope you can see how that is different compared to some useless love letter written by an ex.

 

But please explain to me why you think it would make sense to keep past love letters.

[AverageJoe]

So explain to me what would be the positive reason for keeping love letters from an ex?

 

When I said the past can't be erased, I was talking about pictures, and how it would be hard to trash albums full of pictures covering years of your life, which may even include family members who have passed away by now.

 

 

But please explain to me why you think it would make sense to keep past love letters.

 

I addressed those questions in the very first response to this post. Its that simple.

I hope you can see how that is different compared to some useless love letter written by an ex.

 

If it is useless, what do you care?

 

Besides, its none of your business. None.

[prettybaby]

If it is useless, what do you care?

But it is useless, so what do you care about keeping it or not?

 

I think when you're committed to someone, you have to realize that some things could potentially hurt their feelings. I personally got rid of certain things when I got closer to my boyfriend. They belonged to my ex, and logically, I care more about my boyfriend than my ex. So it's the logical thing to do. If my boyfriend bumped into something that hurt his feelings, then yes, I'd get rid of it. And I would hope he'd do the same for me. Stuff from exes is really just stuff. I'd rather look forward and focus on the future than cause bad feelings for some crap from the past that I wouldn't even miss if I never saw it again.

 

Like you said, those letters are in some old storage of yours. I bet if they disappeared today, you wouldn't even notice until a very long time from now.

 

I apply this logic to any useless clutter I own. If I haven't missed it for the past year, then I don't need it, and it can go to the trash.

 

Why jeopardize your significant other's feelings (or maybe future significant other) over something that's just so not worth it?

[CLC2008]

I kept my stuff for a few years after that last LTR. But, I can also see why it would be bothersome if you're in a relationship with someone, and they are still holding onto things. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are still in love with the person, but, they are a part of the past and sometimes it's nice to reflect back on the memories.

[AverageJoe]

But it is useless, so what do you care about keeping it or not?

 

You said it was usless, I didnt. I simply said they were keepsake items. For me.

I think when you're committed to someone, you have to realize that some things could potentially hurt their feelings. I personally got rid of certain things when I got closer to my boyfriend. They belonged to my ex, and logically, I care more about my boyfriend than my ex. So it's the logical thing to do.

This was your 'logical' choice. You made your own personal decision to do so with no one asking, and thats fine. Dont expect just because you did, I may (or your b'friend) do the same.

 

 

 

Like you said, those letters are in some old storage of yours. I bet if they disappeared today, you wouldn't even notice until a very long time from now.

Maybe not, but if I found them 'dissapeared' I would not be happy.

 

Why jeopardize your significant other's feelings (or maybe future significant other) over something that's just so not worth it?

 

Apparently it is worth it to you. Why would you place value over old keepsakes, over the potential livelihood of your partner? Again, why is any of it your business to being with?

[prettybaby]

I think it becomes my business as soon as it hurts my feelings. And when "feelings" are pretty much what a relationship is about, then I think it makes sense for both partners to make sure that no bad feelings are created. Especially when it's so easy to avoid.

 

I've never been in that situation to be honest. Everything I'm saying here is hypothetical. But I'd rather avoid bad feelings by getting rid of potentially hurtful things. You don't, and that's your choice. But there's something a bit selfish about that, in my opinion.

 

You're basically saying: I'm gonna keep those letters, whether my significant other likes it or not; it's none of her business anyway. While I think: if something like that hurts my significant other, then it's my significant other's business as much as it is mine, and it's my responsibility to ensure that he doesn't get hurt.

[AverageJoe]

I think it becomes my business as soon as it hurts my feelings. And when "feelings" are pretty much what a relationship is about, then I think it makes sense for both partners to make sure that no bad feelings are created. Especially when it's so easy to avoid.

 

As I said before, this is where it is your problem, not mine. If you feel threatend by past events of my life, thats your problem. You have a decision to make.

 

 

 

You don't, and that's your choice. But there's something a bit selfish about that, in my opinion.

Everyone is selfish in some manner or way in their life. There is nothing wrong with that.

You're basically saying: I'm gonna keep those letters, whether my significant other likes it or not; it's none of her business anyway.

Correct. What you think isnt my issue, its yours. If you are threatened by such trivial things, I will immediately question those emotions. Then, when that happens it may signify a point where I may not want to walk through that bead curtain of your insecurity any longer.

[prettybaby]

Well good luck to your girlfriend lol Apparently she's not allowed to ever feel bad, and you find old letters more important than her.

[emely]

My BF had some nude photos and videos of ex's..i asked him to delete them and he did...

 

I know he has some letters and cards from ex's, but theyre stored away with old stuff, we moved and went through some stuff and he wasn't hiding them or anything, he just put them away..

Honestly, it doesn't really bother me, I'm not sure but i think I might have some letters and stuff stored away somewhere as well, they don't really mean anything but they're from good relationships that is a part of my past.

So is there someting wird with me since I don't really mind he has them? I mean just because he have them doesn;t mean he still have feelings etc, it's just a part of the past?

[AverageJoe]

Nope, nothing weird its simply the past. Sounds like you are secure within your own skin. You have him now and no worries.

[Star Gazer]

I never get rid of photos. They go in a box or or get saved somewhere digitally.

 

Sex tapes don't exist, so that's a non-issue.

 

The sentimental stuff typically disappears once the next relationship gets serious because I just don't care about the ex anymore.

[USMCHokie]

I never get rid of photos. They go in a box or or get saved somewhere digitally.

 

Sex tapes don't exist, so that's a non-issue.

 

The sentimental stuff typically disappears once the next relationship gets serious because I just don't care about the ex anymore.

 

Pretty much this...

 

Photos and momentos are reminders of past experiences. These experiences make up the progression of our lives, and each experience is valuable in some way. I don't ever want to "forget" any of my experiences, and I wouldn't expect an SO to forget any of her experiences either.

 

Sentiments eventually detach from the actual objects as time passes, until the sentiments disappear completely. At that point, you are simply left with the object. If it still serves a useful purpose, then why throw it out...?

 

And no sex tapes.

[Star Gazer]

And no sex tapes.

 

For now, anyway...

 

 

Couldn't resist.

[CLC2008]

For now, anyway...

 

 

Couldn't resist.

 

No, he throws those out silly, less evidence.

[USMCHokie]

For now, anyway...

 

 

Couldn't resist.

 

I'm speechless...

 

:love: