ShannonMI Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 (edited) *also posted this in the 'coping' section. Just posted it here as well to get more feedback. Thanks I've posted a few threads about my ex dumping me after an 8 year relationship and how I was completely blindsided by it because I thought everything was good with us. He never gave any indication he was unhappy. Out of the blue he says he needs time to figure himself out and he needs space. A few weeks after he says he needs space, he tells me he wants to break up. He says he's changed and that we aren't right for each other. Again, I'm thrown for a loop by the whole situation. Just recently I found out that a week before my ex actually told me he wanted a break, he was messing around with a young college girl. This girl is about 7 or 8 years younger then my ex. Not sure what her exact age is, but I know she's young and in college. I've also learned that this girl is not exactly a wholesome, take home to mom type girl. I was discussing the situation with my nail tech who is also my friend. I discuss all sorts of things with her and she said she knew exactly who the girl was and she is a skank (her words). She was completely disgusted when I told her who the girl was. She said that this girl dated a male friend of hers. He took her to a conservative catholic wedding and the girl wore a short, backless hooker dress (again her words). The "skank" ended up dumping the guy because she got bored. According to my friend she looks like a walking STD. Yikes! Now my question is why would my ex dump me after 8 years together to be with this young "skank" as my friend calls her? I've heard of men upgrading women. Dumping a paticular woman for someone better looking, someone who acts better, someone with more going for them etc, etc. Why do men downgrade? I'm not trying to say I'm the cat's pajamas, but I'm by far better then this girl my ex dumped me for. I just don't get it. Is it a rebound? Don't rebounds come after the dumping. This girl was in the picture BEFORE the dumping. It makes me sick to think I was that disposable and this is who he replaced me with. Any ideas on what the deal is? Edited September 3, 2010 by ShannonMI
Don Ho Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Hi Shannon. Sorry you're going through this. It always hurts when we find out they were cheating or seeing someone behind our backs and then especially when we get dumped for them. Of course we try to compare ourselves and can't understand how they could go with this "down grade". That's human nature. I think the best you can do is realized that you're the better catch and if he's too dumb to know it, then your next will recognize it. Who knows why he's together with the "skank". There could be lots of reasons. It might actually give you some solace to know that he's with that ho .... yuck ... and if he's that dumb he can have her. And who knows, maybe she'll cheat on him, make his life miserable or give him and STD. You know, what goes around comes around. So do your best not to drive yourself crazy with the "why her?" of the situation, improve yourself and find a better man!
Author ShannonMI Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 Hi Shannon. Sorry you're going through this. It always hurts when we find out they were cheating or seeing someone behind our backs and then especially when we get dumped for them. Of course we try to compare ourselves and can't understand how they could go with this "down grade". That's human nature. I think the best you can do is realized that you're the better catch and if he's too dumb to know it, then your next will recognize it. Who knows why he's together with the "skank". There could be lots of reasons. It might actually give you some solace to know that he's with that ho .... yuck ... and if he's that dumb he can have her. And who knows, maybe she'll cheat on him, make his life miserable or give him and STD. You know, what goes around comes around. So do your best not to drive yourself crazy with the "why her?" of the situation, improve yourself and find a better man! Thanks Don for responding. It does give me a small bit of solace to know he's with a gutter skank. I know she'll most likely burn him and that is exactly what he deserves. He doesn't deserve a nice, wholesome girl. I was a great girlfriend to him and I'm not a skank! So he gave up something really great. Someday I'm sure he'll realize it. I'll never take him back after this. Thanks dude, but I don't want herpes:D
Don Ho Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 You got it right Sista!! She's like the town bicycle, everyone has ridden her!! LOL. Grosss!! Well just keep in mind how many guys she's banged .... that should be enough to turn your stomach and keep you moving forward.
Author ShannonMI Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 You got it right Sista!! She's like the town bicycle, everyone has ridden her!! LOL. Grosss!! Well just keep in mind how many guys she's banged .... that should be enough to turn your stomach and keep you moving forward. Hahahahaha thanks for the laugh!
leftfield Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 The man is a fool Shannon, because, well... I don't think I'm the only one thinking this... you're a hottie. The skank will undoubtedly get bored and take her STDs elsewhere, and at that point your ex (who is apparently blind and stupid) will come around asking 'how you are'. At that point you can literally or figuratively slam the door in his face and your redemption will be complete. You can start looking forward to that now ;-)
Author ShannonMI Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 The man is a fool Shannon, because, well... I don't think I'm the only one thinking this... you're a hottie. The skank will undoubtedly get bored and take her STDs elsewhere, and at that point your ex (who is apparently blind and stupid) will come around asking 'how you are'. At that point you can literally or figuratively slam the door in his face and your redemption will be complete. You can start looking forward to that now ;-) Thank you for the sweet compliment. It made my day. I told my ex never to contact me and I considered him dead. When someone says "you are dead to me" which is what I said to him, then that means there is no room for reconciliation. It means that it's over and I want nothing to do with you ever again. If he comes crawling back, I will be shocked. I'm sure he will feel a sh*tload of regret and wish he never did what he did, but I think he'll just swollow it and he won't try to win me back. Only time will tell and I hope he gives me the satisfation of telling him to go f*ck himself.
leftfield Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Thank you for the sweet compliment. It made my day. I told my ex never to contact me and I considered him dead. When someone says "you are dead to me" which is what I said to him, then that means there is no room for reconciliation. It means that it's over and I want nothing to do with you ever again. If he comes crawling back, I will be shocked. I'm sure he will feel a sh*tload of regret and wish he never did what he did, but I think he'll just swollow it and he won't try to win me back. Only time will tell and I hope he gives me the satisfation of telling him to go f*ck himself. You're very welcome. I hope you get the satisfaction of telling him to go f*ck himself too. Or better still, go f*ck skanky pants, he deserves her.
Maverick1983 Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Looks like he got a case of the grass is always greener syndrome.Glad he has found out that its not.It never is.Dont worry he will realise what he has lost in time.You deserve so much more than that.As I always say at least you found out before there was a mortgage or worse kids in the picture.At least you can go off and find the happiness and respect you deserve from someone else.
Rashad Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Shannon, don't put yourself in comparison with the college girl he is with just because he'd rather be with her than you. The guy obviously lacks depth in judgment that's the only explanation. He said he changed, and apparently it was to the worse so logically he needs a worse gf than you and it seems like he found her. I understand that 8 years is a long time, but somethings in life are beyond our control and as much as it hurts we only have two choices either drown in our sadness or learn from our mistakes and move on. move one sweetie, I'm sure you are better off without em, and I think it would be better if you stop caring about who he is with and what he is doing, just shut em out! good luck
Author ShannonMI Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 Shannon, don't put yourself in comparison with the college girl he is with just because he'd rather be with her than you. The guy obviously lacks depth in judgment that's the only explanation. He said he changed, and apparently it was to the worse so logically he needs a worse gf than you and it seems like he found her. I understand that 8 years is a long time, but somethings in life are beyond our control and as much as it hurts we only have two choices either drown in our sadness or learn from our mistakes and move on. move one sweetie, I'm sure you are better off without em, and I think it would be better if you stop caring about who he is with and what he is doing, just shut em out! good luck Thanks Rashad and Maverick. Yea, I know I need to move on, but I keep thinking about it and it just makes me sick. In time I'll be better, but right now it's hard. The worst feeling is that he betrayed me. The skank part is what it is, but the betrayal cuts deep.
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