What is going on with her? what do i do? 15 week pregnant girlfriend

[jdmhunt]

My girlfriend is 15 weeks pregnant. She currently already has a 18 month old son with another guy. I have treated him as my own. Throughout the pregnancy her moods have changed constantly. At first she would say, "i wish i wasn't pregnant, but it's going to be okay b/c im with you". then as time went on she started having talks of having an abortion. I told her that if she decided to have an abortion that I would have a hard time with that and her and I would not be able to be together. She did not handle that well and cried harder and got more upset then i think ive ever seen anyone get. So i told her i would wait to see what happens and she decided to not have an abortion. Keep in mind she comes from a history of horrible guys always putting her down and treating her badly. She moved in to my house and it was the first time her son had ever had his own room and things were very perfect between us until she got pregnant. I think this is her first normal healthy relationship. But anyways after she decided she wasn't going to have an abortion things were normal again. Well that was until this past saturday when she moved back in with her moms, says she doesn't want another kid. Says she loves me but just needs space b/c she cant treat me right and says i dont deserve the way she has treated me b/c i would treat her well no matter what. So she has been at her moms since then and tell me she loves me but doesn't know what she wants, tells others that she knows for a fact she's coming back, and then even tells others that she has lost feelings for me. So to be quite honest i dont know what to think, i have never been in a situation like this at all. I just want some insight if anyone knows what's going on here and what they think may happen. Is she coming back to me? She has said things like she will relinquish rights to the kid if i want him/her otherwise shes giving up for adoption. What is go in on and what should i do? I love her very much and just want things to be okay for the both of us! Thanks in advance for the help

[jdmhunt]

she is 25 and i'm 24 yrs old

[Joe Normal]

Doesn't sound good I'm afraid, if she loved you she wouldn't be saying this stuff and wouldn't want to abort your child together. It sounds like she is very uncertain of her feelings and inconsistent in how she views you. IMO she is doubting having the kid because she is doubting being with your for the long-term. Sorry to be negative but that's how it looks. You sure you want to have a kid with this lady if she's not sure about staying with you? 18 years is a long time to be visiting your child only 1-2 times a week, dealing with an uncooperative single mother, and paying child support out the ass.

 

This is why you should never impregnate someone you aren't married to.

[jdmhunt]

yes there is zero doubt in my mind i will seek custody. So im going to take care of this baby with or without her.

[jdmhunt]

To update. We just had a conversation about the situation this past week. She has told me that she wants to be involved with the baby and she's not going to leave it all to me. What a relief:) Then after that was said she went on to say that she loves me still very much she is just in no position right now to where she can be happy enough with herself to treat me well. So she needs to be single. She's seeing a therapist (def a good thing) and apparently he's made her realize a lot of the causes of the problems in her life. But anyways, after this convo things kind of went on the same, we weren't speaking barely at all and if we did it was very short conversations. Then all the sudden Thursday she invites my sister over to hang out with her and apparently was very open and actually talking about the situation with her being pregnant. Which is a huge step from where this situation was when i first posted. Then comes the past saturday through now, she has begun to text me randomly and also had a 2hr conversation on the phone last night about nothing. Just random conversation. Sometimes the texts are about needing something that I still have and then other times it's completely random conversations out of no where. She's being very kind to me again and not distant. She's telling me her situation with her sons dad and being very open with what she's doing in her life. I don't want to read into anything to much but was curious to if any of you have any input on what's going on in her head now. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

[jdmhunt]

yes I am sure

[Alexanda]

I dont know, you said her mood changes constantly and she is only 15 weeks pregnant. She could change her mind next month for all you know. I say dont read too much into anything she says for now. Wait until its time for the baby to arrive and then see what she is saying then.

[jdmhunt]

well fml. I think she is interested in her ex. could be me reading into it to much but it's looking that way. At least I now have an idea of what's going on. Not going to stop me from being a good father. If she would like to be with a piece of trash like him I welcome her to do so. I'm better off if this is the way it's going to be. Doesn't make it hurt any less, but now at least I know where I stand and what I need to do. I feel like my heart is in my damn stomach. Ugh. Thanks for listening everyone!!

[xpaperxcutx]

I don't understand why you had to give her an ultimatum just to keep the baby. It's her body isn't it? And she has a right to decide what she wants to do with it.

 

You were with you when she wasn't pregnant, why would you " threaten" to leave her just because she decided to abort?

 

Do you even understand what childbirth is like? Maybe she just doesn't want to go through the pain of it again.

 

You said you would raise the child with or without her, but then again you made it sound like you'll only stay if she has your child. Do you love her or do you love the baby? Which is it?

 

And any respectable guy who wants a family would propose, at least to give her some kind of security, since she is having your child.

[jdmhunt]

whoa relax. Her getting pregnant was not the plan. **** happens. And it all happened way to fast. So I think proposing would just make things way more complicated then they already were. I treated her like gold. That should be enough security. She later said there's no way she could've gone through with an abortion anyways, it just seemed easier to her at the time. I love her very much and I don't understand why you question that. The ultimatum is b/c I'm not a fan of abortions, I didn't tell her what she could and could not do. But I personally do not think that I would have been able to be with her if that was her decision. But I gave her the choice. I didn't lock her in a closet and say this isn't happening. I let her think on it. She decided that she was going to go ahead and have the baby. I don't understand how I can be attacked for not thinking I could stomach being with her if she aborted when the choice was ultimately hers. My exact words to her were, "I can not pretend I know what you're going through b/c I don't, there's no way I ever will. So make whatever decision you feel like you need to make and we'll go from there. I love you very much" After everything that has happened I still love her very much and I will be there for through this whole pregnancy and obviously there after. We have already talked about shared parenting etc. This will be my first child so honestly at this point I dont know that I can say I love this child, this is so surreal to me and honestly hasn't sunk in. But I was on here asking for advice not wanting to get attacked by someone. I'm sorry we don't have the same beliefs on the situation. But I take your opinion seriously. Thank you!