ShannonMI Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I've posted a few threads about my ex dumping me after an 8 year relationship and how I was completely blindsided by it because I thought everything thing was good with us. He never gave any indication he was unhappy. Out of the blue he says he needs time to figure himself out and he needs space. A few weeks after he says he needs space, he tells me he wants to break up. He says he's changed and that we aren't right for each other. Again I'm thrown for a loop by the whole situation. Just recently I found out that a week before my ex actually told me he wanted a break, he was messing around with a young college girl. This girl is about 7 or 8 years younger then my ex. Not sure what her exact age is, but I know she's young and in college. I've also learned that this girl is not exactly a wholesome, take home to mom type girl. I was discussing the situation with my nail tech who I discuss all sorts of things with and she said she knew exactly who the girl was and she is a skank (her words). She was completely disgusted when I told her who the girl was. She said that this girl dated a male friend of hers and dumped him because she got bored with him. He took her to a conservative catholic wedding and the girl wore a short, backless hooker dress (again her words). She also descriped this girl as looking like a walking STD. Yikes! Now my question is why would my ex dump me after 8 years together to be with this young "skank" as my friend calls her? I've heard of men upgrading women. Dumping a peticular woman for someone better looking, better acting, with more going for them etc etc. Why do men downgrade? I'm not trying to say I'm the cat's pajamas, but I'm by far better then this girl my ex dumped me for. I just don't get it. Is it a rebound? Don't rebounds come after the dumping. This girl was in the picture BEFORE the dumping. It makes me sick to think I was that disposable and this is who he replaced me with. Any ideas on what the deal is?
Author ShannonMI Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 It is hard to say without knowing all the parties personally. From a guy standpoint, though, my first guess would be that he did it for sexual reasons. The seven-year itch extended into eight years for him? Some sort of "quarter-life crisis"? I assume that you are 1) more mature than the woman he left you for, 2) have your life more "together" than the woman he left you for, 3) make for a better "partner" than the woman he left you for. The only reason I can imagine is that he wanted to sex with some young college skank. The hardest part for you, as for me, is learning that the person you were with, isn't the person you thought , they were -- it really sucks. It makes it hard to trust another person going forward. In my case, my ex has never been dumped, and as such she cant understand the pain she has inflicted upon me. Hopefully, your ex will get kicked out on his ass when skank gets bored with him, and then he'll have a slight understanding of what it feels like. Yes, I am all the things you descriped above. I guess the quarter life crisis makes sense. Actually a few of my friends have said the same thing. Imagining him having sex with this "skank" is keeping me up at night. I feel sick about it. I can't believe he would leave me just to have sex with someone else. Our sex life wasn't exciting enough for him, I guess. That's all he's after right now. Sex. How pathetic. It really blows when you think you know someone and they disappoint you to such a huge degree.
Author ShannonMI Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 (edited) Yes, yes it does. In my case, it is made all the worse by the fact that the XGF is a wonderful person in every other area of her life. She works with kids to the detriment of her income, volunteers her time, donates to charity, went without food for a week to buy her siblings birthday presents.. I could go on and on. But when it came to me? Her mind changed from marriage to wanting space in two weeks. Meh! My ex is a wonderful guy too, at least he was. That's why this is all so horrible. He's been there for me through a lot of my struggles and I've been there through his. I trusted him with my life. He was a sweet, sensitive, caring person. What the hell happened? I ask myself this everyday. I told him when the person he used to be comes back, to call me. He didn't like that to well, but that's honestly how I feel. He says he is the exact same person he was when we first met 8 years ago. But when we broke up he told me he had changed. So WTF am I supposed to think? He totally contradicts himself. I still can't believe he betrayed me and he chose this skanky young kid over someone who has been there for him through thick and thin and who loved him so much. What on earth is he thinking?? It's driving me insane. Edited September 4, 2010 by ShannonMI
YellowShark Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 What on earth is he thinking?? It's driving me insane. I stuck by my EX for 7 years through car accidents, financial woes, alcoholism, 1 EA, medical problems, AA, couples counseling, and her inability to hold down a job for more than a year. And she still ended up cheating on me with a neighbor/good friend - (now ex-friend) - who is married... and who's wife is pregnant with their first child. For the life of me I cannot figure out why she would go off the rails like that. So we are in the same boat Shannon, our EXes did something completely insane that we simply cannot understand.
Author ShannonMI Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 I stuck by my EX for 7 years through car accidents, financial woes, alcoholism, 1 EA, medical problems, AA, couples counseling, and her inability to hold down a job for more than a year. And she still ended up cheating on me with a neighbor/good friend - (now ex-friend) - who is married... and who's wife is pregnant with their first child. For the life of me I cannot figure out why she would go off the rails like that. So we are in the same boat Shannon, our EXes did something completely insane that we simply cannot understand. Yea and I'm sick of thinking about it. I just want to forget the whole thing. I'm so disgusted by his behavior. Is your ex still with this married man? Or have you removed yourself from the whole situation and you don't get updates? I'm sick of the updates I get, because they are never good.You said in past posts that he and his wife had an "open" relaionship. I don't get how some couples can share their partners. That's another thing that is totally insane to me. I don't think it's normal at all. Maybe I'm just an old fasion girl, though.
ohno89 Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 I guess it'll just be one of those thing we'll never know... I went thru a very similar situation with my ex and at one point he said to me "you're too good for me." Now obviously at the time, and even now, I don't think I really believe it and it was just another cliche excuse like the rest of them but I do often think (in my incredible OVER-thinking!) is there somewhat any truth behind that? In my case, its hard to believe coz i believed my ex was perfect, I adored him and often couldn't believe my luck so it doesn't make sense to me that he thought HE wasn't good enough for me...but then maybe when these thoughts of another person and leaving us start to take over them to the point where they can't believe they're actually thinking these thoughts themselves because they know we don't deserve it, they really DO think they're not good enough for us and feel they've let the whole thing down...I dont know... I don't even know if my rambling is even making sense! I guess it could be a bunch of things - hitting an age where they start to feel pressured or..don't really know who they are and wanna "find themselves". It's all very bizarre to me, especially when it really just doesn't make sense....and in those cases, I put it down to some sort of screw loose in their heads lol..whatever makes me feel better! BiAxident - it's interesting to hear things from a guy's perspective..what if i were in a similar situation but in the relationship for 1.5 years, with all 3 parties being of roughly the same age and me and my ex having a fine sex life prior to things going wrong? Sorry for the pressure but I've only really had girls give my advice so far! I have posted my situation on here if you happen to get bored enough to wanna read it!
YellowShark Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Yea and I'm sick of thinking about it. I just want to forget the whole thing. I'm so disgusted by his behavior. Same here too. How my EX could have an affair with A) a MM, and B) a good friend, and C) a MM who's wife is about to give birth to their first child sickens me to the core. Is your ex still with this married man? I think so since she's over there for BBQs and drinks still. Doesn't sound like NC to me. Or have you removed yourself from the whole situation and you don't get updates? I left with my son - (her step son) - 4 days after I caught her and MM necking on OUR deck. Not only did she betray me, she did it on OUR DECK! (...and it could have easily been my son who would have caught his step-mother necking with MM that night.) That to me was absolutely unconscionable. You said in past posts that he and his wife had an "open" relaionship. I don't get how some couples can share their partners. That's another thing that is totally insane to me. I don't think it's normal at all. Maybe I'm just an old fasion girl, though. See the issue there is it's just a rumor that they have this "deal." But MM and his PREGNANT wife KNOW 100% I do not have an open relationship, and so did my EX. The sad/sick/twisted part is my EX and I had a wonderful relationship. Sure we had our ups and downs but I would have NEVER EVER said it's ok to have an affair with the MM who lives across the street who's wife is pregnant. Not in a million years.
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