young&inlove Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 [FONT=Arial Narrow][sIZE=2]To start off, my husband and I are both 21 and have been married since November of 2008. We don’t have any kid’s just two adorable dogs that we consider our family. A while ago, my husband cheated on me with my best friend. I would call it an affair but I know it wasn’t. It was 2 times. Anyways, since then I have had a very hard time making friends and we have had a lot of problems. Problems meaning bickering, fighting, and a lot of yelling. I think a lot of it lately is that we are struggling with money so bad. We are both so uptight about our bills. I don’t know what I am trying to get at here really. I mainly just wanted to know, is it possible to get rid of the resent I have for him? I believe I hold the resent of A) he cheated on me and B) it was with my best friend of 4 years. I know he feels bad about it and regrets it. He tells me everyday or right after a fight when we are making up. He is mad at himself for both A and B reasons and wants me to make new friends. But lately I get so irritated with the little things he does that it ends up being something bigger than it really is. Example: yesterday he left work to go on a hike at 2:30 with his friends instead of staying till 5 to get a bigger paycheck. When I got home at 530 he still wasn’t home. By then I was trying to keep my cool. I ended up really mad because he had gone home, stripped in the hallway, not taken our dogs out, and just left the house a mess. I was so mad by the time he got home that we started to fight. I have no idea why. I know its not that big of a deal but still. I don’t know where the anger and irritation comes from. The only thing I can think of is the stress of our crappy money situation or resent from what happened in January. Any advice on a way to keep my cool would be a great help.[/sIZE][/FONT]
Distant78 Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 A while ago, my husband cheated on me with my best friend. I would call it an affair but I know it wasn’t. It was 2 times. It doesn't matter if its called an affair or not. He cheated on you 2 times and you should leave him, since you are having problems with him. Find a man who can treat you much better.
whichwayisup Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Honestly, I say divorce him. I agree with the above poster, you can do better. You may love him, but the man you married, who said vows to you infront of family and friends BETRAYED you in the WORST way so early in the marriage. With your bestfriend. Double betrayal which makes it worse. He's a total turd. Did he offer to do marriage counselling with you to fix things? What has HE done to regain your trust and faith in him again? he says sorry, and regrets cheating on you, but has he shown you this in actions? Is he truly remorseful? The arguing and fighting is because of what he's done. You are far from over this, the pain and mistrust is there because (it seems like) he hasn't put in the effort required to work things out. Work on himself and find out WHY he put himself in such a stupid situation and cheat on you with YOUR bestfriend. WTF. I do hope he isn't talking to her anymore. Can I ask? Did you catch them or did he tell you the truth? Just wondering how you found out. Keep posting and I hope you feel better soon.
Author young&inlove Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 Thanks for your replies! Well, to answer your questions, yes he has offered to do everything to make it better. His friends gave him the advice that it isn’t going to get better just like that. It takes a lot of time. I have explained that to him a few times. I know that he cares about me and I care so much about him. I also know that he doesn’t talk to her anymore. We aren’t friends but I keep a pretty close eye on him now. As for how I found out about the cheating was he got honest? They did it in my house late while I was asleep and seconds after it happened he came and confessed to me. I know that’s what happened because I could totally tell. I have trust for him, but I do not trust him and I sure as hell have NOT forgiven him. He knows he made a mistake. I know everyone says I should divorce him, but I can’t do that. I can’t because I know that we are good together. We work. I have brought up the issue of him leaving work early and he is working on it. It went a lot better than expected too. Just don’t know who else stayed with there man? Does the resent and anger for him ever go away?
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