TheUnthoughtKnown Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Haven't been on here in a while. I thought I was getting over it kind of. I'm back at college, got work and other commitments to keep that are keeping me slightly focused. The last time I seen her was in a club. My friend spoke to her, without my consent, and she said she had nothing to say about me. A obstacle to overcome but nonetheless something I had to do. Now... I seen her again, in another club. I was having a fantastic night with some new friends and everything was really great. Then I seen her. It hurt, again. For the 4th time now. I wish we didn't go to the same clubs, but I refuse to stop going there just because she does. She seen me several times that night. At one point we were basically stood next to each other the bar waiting to get served. The tension was ridiculous, for me anyway. But she didn't say a word. Didn't look in my direction, didn't acknowledge my existence. I got nothing. My night took a definite downswing, and she may have known this since, whereas before I was dancing an laughing with my friends, after I was aware of her presence I sat down and my friends one by one tried to console me. My friend, standing quite near my ex, came over an gave me a hug. A kind of I-feel-your-pain hug. Which my ex surely must have took note of. I would have thought so anyway. All I wanted was a hello or even a f*cking nod of the head to show she knows I'm alive and she remembers our time together. And now those questions which ruled my mind for the last 5 months have surfaced again Was it my fault? Did I push her away? When she wanted to be friends after we broke up and I said no, was I wrong? When I had my friends take her from Facebook coz I didn't want to see her face or be tempted to ask them what she was doing, was that the right thing to do? 5 months in, 3 months NC, she doesn't care, wants nothing to do with me, am I horrible person? Do I deserve the sh*t I'm goin through as a result of my break-up? I'm still in love with her, will that ever end? Will I ever stop loving her, caring about her? And when? For the love of everything that is good in this world, WHEN?! All these questions have been running through my mind all day. I love seeing her, she's gorgeous, all I want to do is see her again. Talk to her. Should I? I don't know. But she's been stuck in my head for 5 months, maybe its time she came out of my head and stood in front of me, a real person. What do I do here? I just cannot deal with this anymore...I need an answer, a definitive answer. I need to know how I can get over her. Or if I even should. Was this all my fault?
skydiveaddict Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 find some new clubs to hit for a while, so you can heal up. Every time you see her you will reopen that wound. And quit second guessing yourself. It's over. What's in the past is done. You must try your hardest not to have any contact with her, "cause every time you do it's like starting all over again from day one.
Author TheUnthoughtKnown Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 I'm sorry to hear about your pain, but in my estimation, she could have handled things much worse, at least for your sake. What would you prefer? That she start chatting you up about all the guys she's been hanging around with? How great her life is hitting up the clubs and soaking up the attention of the world? How she doesn't give a @#$% about how she ripped your heart out, wiped her @#$ with it, and then lit it on fire? Or would you prefer an akward silence? I know which one I would want, but to each their own, I suppose. I know where you're coming from, I do. But I'd prefer option C) She lets me know that, despite everything, she does give a **** and never meant to hurt me, it was just one of those things. She just had her own issues and it didn't work out for her. I want a nice chat where I can tell her everything I feel and she can tell me how she feels! Ignoring me totally is heartbreaking and all it does is set me back further. I just want to talk to her again. Whenever I see her, I realise how much I miss her, how incredible she was and how unbelievably gorgeous she is. All I want to do is have her in my life again, why should we not speak ever again? Why throw away everything for nothing?
skydiveaddict Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 (edited) All I want to do is have her in my life again, why should we not speak ever again? Why throw away everything for nothing? If you really want her back then leave her alone. That's your only shot. Or you can have her as a "friend" and she can tell you all about her new boy friend(s) and how wonderful they are and what a great time she is having in her new life with out you. Is that really what you want? 'cause that's what you're gonna get I would Never play second string to any other guy Edited September 4, 2010 by skydiveaddict
Author TheUnthoughtKnown Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 Sky speaks truth. If you want her back in your life, being friends is all you're going to get. For her, part of being friendly will probably involve chatting about what is going on in her life, which will involve other guys. So you talk to her, then what? You're going to want to talk to her again. And what happens when she is too busy to talk to you? How is that going to feel? Or what happens when you want to move beyond talking, to get together for a drink, and she doesnt have time/isnt interested/doesnt think her new BF would like that? How will you feel then? Yeah, I couldn't take that. I don't want to see her with someone else. At the same time I'm not sure I would want to be with her again because I don't know that I could trust her or care for her as much. I resent her for everything that has happened and for all the sh*t I've been through the last 5 months. I feel its all her fault and while I've been wallowing, she's probably been out dating guys, goin holidays, totally 100% completely forgetting I exist. I bet she has. She prob never thinks about me anymore, and couldn't give a sh*t what happens. Which is why she doesn't text, ask me how I am, she won't approach me and say hi, she won't attempt to make amends for all the sh*t she's put me through. She just left it out. Ran away. Is that it? I mean, wasn't I worth more than that? I got dropped like a bad f*cking habit and now I feel worthless for it. I hate seeing her so Goddamn happy in clubs where she see's me and doesn't even adknowledge me. Even a smile or a hi would do. But no, I might as well have been any other random guy in that club that night, instead of the first person she ever said "I love you" to, the first person she ever slept with after waiting till she was 25 to find "the right guy." The right guy? Who am I now? That sorta familiar lookin guy in the corner? That guy who's never met? Who am I to her now? Anything? I thought I'd always mean more to her than that...even if we broke up...
bonpaw2008 Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Sky speaks truth. If you want her back in your life, being friends is all you're going to get. For her, part of being friendly will probably involve chatting about what is going on in her life, which will involve other guys. So you talk to her, then what? You're going to want to talk to her again. And what happens when she is too busy to talk to you? How is that going to feel? Or what happens when you want to move beyond talking, to get together for a drink, and she doesnt have time/isnt interested/doesnt think her new BF would like that? How will you feel then? Yea Bi hit it on the head. So you are at the club and she does actually talk to you and you talk to her...what are you going to say? What is not going to make you feel like **** in what she says (besides grovelling asking you to come back)? I don't think she is treating you like this because she thinks that everything was your fault. The break-up was her choice and you can't make her act or feel a certain way. You can only control yourself and your emotions. DO NOT STOP HAVING FUN when you see her. Even if you have to fake it all the way through and go home and kick the wall, don't show her that you are still hurting. She doesn't deserve it. Tell all your mates to stop hugging you and acting like seeing her is the end of the world. Move on with life, keep doing things that make you happy, and soon when you see her she will not look so appealing.
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