Pink Cupcakes Posted September 3, 2010 Share Posted September 3, 2010 I have been dating a man for about 4 months. We see each other about twice a month because he travels so much on business and lives 2 hours away. Anyway, he took me on a trip to San Francisco 3 weeks ago. We did a lot of fun things, like sight seeing, China Town, Giants game, etc. The problem is that he insisted on visiting a bar every couple hours, starting at 11:00 a.m. When we had lunch in China Town, he had saki (it was 12:30). We went to a wonderful show which was a dinner theater, and while I had two glasses of wine with the meal, so did he, but when the show got out at 12:30, I was ready to go home to the hotel, but he was insistent on "having some more fun" and going to the bar and had a couple vodkas there. Even before we went to the show, he wanted to "check out" the bar and have a couple vodka shots. On the flight home, we had to stop at the airline bar so he could have a couple bloody marys. Then when our flight was delayed, he had a straight vodka. Is this a sign of an alcoholic, or could it be he was just having fun? Just wondering. I have since declined his invitation to spend the holiday weekend with him, telling him I have plans, but actually I am considering our trip together to be the last time I see him. However, he does treat me well and seem to like me (except when he is dragging me (not literally) to a bar a 12:30 a.m. for a vodka after I have told him I'm tired. I'm starting to lose attraction and get really turned off by his need for alcohol. He says "I work hard and don't drink during the week, so I like to have fun on weekends." He said this unsolicited on his own one weekend over the summer when he wanted to stop at a bar for lunch...our first few dates, he enjoyed a couple glasses of wine, but each date alcohol was more and more a part of the activities for him. I enjoy a drink, but never have more than two, I just am not that into it as much as he is. Just wondering, or maybe I am not being fair to him.... [COLOR=#0000cc][/COLOR] Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach Posted September 3, 2010 Share Posted September 3, 2010 Doesn't sound like the way a normal person would behave to me. But honestly I think the important thing here is that if you are starting to feel uncomfortable/annoyed by his actions concerning drinking, whether he is or isn't an alcoholic is missing the point. If you tell him you want to go back to the hotel but he insists on staying out later and not listening, then that is a problem for anybody, let alone alcoholics. Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted September 3, 2010 Share Posted September 3, 2010 I think your instincts are bang on, and I think you need to cut and run before you get anymore involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted September 3, 2010 Share Posted September 3, 2010 I've dated people with alcohol problems and they weren't as bad as this guy. Run, girl, run. Link to post Share on other sites
Lost Fish Posted September 3, 2010 Share Posted September 3, 2010 Hi Pink, First off - I AM an alcoholic. But also I got sober when I was 25 (young, I know - but I was out of control). I'm 31 now. The most blatant symptom of alcoholism is if the drinking starts having a negative impact on the relationships of those close to you. Seeing as how you are posting on a message board about your concern over his drinking - that's enough for me to say that yes - he probably does have a problem. If you do truly care about him you might want to try talking about it and gauge his response. Alcoholism is a beast of a disease and oftentimes those suffering with it will live in denial and continue to numb their way through life never reaching their full potential as a person. The other sad thing is that the true change to stop the drinking has to come from within (the whole "hitting rock bottom" idea). It's a lot of baggage to be sure, and if you find yourself losing interest it might be best to cut your losses and run. It's a shame and I feel for both of you if this is the main reason you have for ending things. People at LS are quick to tell others to give up and run, but I also feel that EVERYONE has baggage of some sort or another. We have to try to be more compassionate toward each other. Ultimately the decision is up to you - and I support whatever you decide to do with this guy. Best of luck and let us know what happens! Link to post Share on other sites
Clep Posted September 3, 2010 Share Posted September 3, 2010 My other half is an alcoholic and he was never this bad. If someone can drink that much during the week and have his body tolerate it well, he drinks during the week. If he is justifying his drinking in the first place there is a problem. I would run for the hills. I can't say he is an alcoholic as he would be the only person to answer that, but I wouldn't be sticking around to find out. These flags aren't just red to me but the size of the Eiffel tower. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pink Cupcakes Posted September 3, 2010 Author Share Posted September 3, 2010 Thank you for your replies. I do think I will cut my losses now and wish him well. Link to post Share on other sites
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