Hopelesslyforgotten Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 So....do you think maintaining NC is easier when the relationship is long distance? I can't help to think the whole 'out of sight out of mind' concept comes in to play and that it is easier for my ex to move on because I am not in the same state as him, so there's no chance of random run-ins or any of the sort. I know NC is mainly to help myself heal...and I know this is such a dumb question...but does NC work the same way even if the relationship is long distance (ie will time of NC help make the person miss me?). Point blank, as many people on here do...I want my ex back...but I am afraid NC will hinder doing so I just can't think very logically right now...so any thoughts are greatly appreciated!!!!!
missner Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Hey, I'm in pretty much the same situation (NC breakup). Our contact is minimal. I can't go full out NC because I'm just not capable of it, I sent a bday card, etc. One worry we always have in this situation is the fact that it IS so easy, theoretically, to never be in contact with the person again when you're many states away, and they aren't in your day to day life in any way. The things that give me hope that there's still a chance are the very things that make me want her back as well. Our memories we had together, listening to music we got each other interested in, watching our favorite TV shows together, things like that. When you're a close part of somebody's life for a while and you have real-life in-person tangible moments and memories and you deeply loved each other, they're going to be thinking about you at some time or other no matter what. I hope I know a lot of people say it's not healthy to keep dwelling, and its' right. It can put you in a crappy mood if you think about it too much and if you consider it being over. You need to balance things and move on with your LIFE so you can go along and still function, work, school, have fun. But that doesn't mean you can't still miss them now and then.
Author Hopelesslyforgotten Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 Hey, I'm in pretty much the same situation (NC breakup). Our contact is minimal. I can't go full out NC because I'm just not capable of it, I sent a bday card, etc. One worry we always have in this situation is the fact that it IS so easy, theoretically, to never be in contact with the person again when you're many states away, and they aren't in your day to day life in any way. The things that give me hope that there's still a chance are the very things that make me want her back as well. Our memories we had together, listening to music we got each other interested in, watching our favorite TV shows together, things like that. When you're a close part of somebody's life for a while and you have real-life in-person tangible moments and memories and you deeply loved each other, they're going to be thinking about you at some time or other no matter what. I hope I know a lot of people say it's not healthy to keep dwelling, and its' right. It can put you in a crappy mood if you think about it too much and if you consider it being over. You need to balance things and move on with your LIFE so you can go along and still function, work, school, have fun. But that doesn't mean you can't still miss them now and then. You're right, memories like the ones you mentioned do give me hope that he won't brush me off too easily. I talked to one of my friends yesteryday b/c I was really upset about the situation b/c I feel my ex is too busy to sit and think about me...and she said one thing that made me feel better...she said when he's laying in bed all alone, he will be thinking about you. And she's right, it's moments like that when my ex and I would watch tv in bed every night before bed that I hope the memories remind him of us and how happy we were. I'm on day 5 of complete NC....i tried the minimal contact but it almost made things worse...so i'm hoping this time away from me makes him think of the happy times we had and he will miss me. But i've been better with trying to cope with the situation...well as good as I can be I guess ...it's just soooo hard not to see or hear something that reminds you of them and then the whole thought process just starts back up again... sigh
Trovador Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 I have been recently in both situations, long distance and "normal" relationships... My LDR was easier to get over and let me tell you, it was a torrid romance that included stronger stuff than watching a movie at the same hour... I guess it growed on us that it was going to be very hard to get together soon and in reality the reason we broke up was more a way out than a real motive... What I don´t understand is why can´t we be friends, because a LDR doesn't have the negative implications a conventional one has, about being friends I mean... I don't think we need to go NC in order to keep apart from each other... Having said that, I miss her a lot and I really wish we could have been together... I still write to her sometimes... But I think NC main purpose is to move on and heal... if I wanted to get back with my ex I think I'd have a better shot talking to her...
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