PurpleGrape Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I'm in a LDR that's great. It started and is still online, we use MSN and Skype and talk all the time but it's hard. I know it's going to be hard and it's prolly gonna get worse but how do you do it? We've only been in this relationship for about 7 months and it's so hard now that I can't imagine what it's going to be later on. Part of the pain is our fault. At the beginning we spent a moderate amout of time talking but at the beginning of the summer she had to travel to Poland for a few months and we knoew we'd have limited contact so we spent every possible moment of every day for a week together and that made the Summer even harder. Now that she's back school has started again and that, not even including the horrible time difference, is giving us very little time to talk. What I'm really trying to get to is that sometimes it feels like we're falling apart. We constantly assure each other that we're just as in love as before, if not more, and tho I believe her the strain on our relationship is dulling the love. both of us are quick to snap and sometimes conversations even feel a little awkward. And over the summer a lot of our intimacy has been lost, I know that's effecting the relationship too. I just don't know what to do. There's hardly ever a time during which we both feel good, one of us is always under the pressure of the distance and it's hard to be happy. Do ya'll have any suggestions?
Bridgey Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 The best thing to do in my opinion is focus on the positives. Do you know when you are going to see each other next? Does the LD part of the relationship have a foreseeable end? Communication is also very important. Have you talked to her about how you are feeling about the relationship? Maybe both of you can come up with ways to make this situation easier on both of you. LDRs aren't easy on anyone, but if you work at it they can be worth all the effort in the long run. I hope everything works out well for the both of you. Best of luck!
Author PurpleGrape Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 We've never actually met face to face before, I'm in Florida while she's in Ireland and neither of us can affor to travel that distance. Plus I'm in school and I can't leave randomly. I'm hoping to move over there by the end of this school year but it all depends on money and I'd hate to give us the hope of getting together when it might not happen. We do talk about it, a lot, but I try to not bring it up when she's in a good mood cause I know it brings her down. And I know she does the same with me. And tho we've told each other not to keep it to ourselves it's hard to make someone you love feel bad, you know?
Bridgey Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 If you guys have talked about it and things are still a bit tough you might just be going through a rough spot that should blow over soon enough. If it doesnt you might be dealing with a bigger problem. In that case you should sit yourself down and think about whats best for you. That's what I would do anyway. Hope this helps
aerogurl87 Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 We've never actually met face to face before, I'm in Florida while she's in Ireland and neither of us can affor to travel that distance. Plus I'm in school and I can't leave randomly. I'm hoping to move over there by the end of this school year but it all depends on money and I'd hate to give us the hope of getting together when it might not happen. We do talk about it, a lot, but I try to not bring it up when she's in a good mood cause I know it brings her down. And I know she does the same with me. And tho we've told each other not to keep it to ourselves it's hard to make someone you love feel bad, you know? I think you need to meet her in person before you think about uprooting your life to be with her for good. So first things first try and work out a plan where you two can meet up first. I love my boyfriend and like you two, we've been together for roughly 7 months now, but there is no way I'd have moved to where he lives without meeting him face to face first.
HeavenOrHell Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 I personally don't think you can bond properly until you've met, meeting gives you more security (if you hit it off irl that is) I wouldn't have been able to deal with not meeting my partner for a long time for our first meeting cos until then I/we didn't know 100% for sure that we'd hit it off as partners, so I felt in limbo before we met. Meeting irl gives you far more solidity, and hopefully reassurance.
Author PurpleGrape Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 I agree that meeting in real life first is the best way to go but I just got what may be the only opportunity to get to her. I'm afraid that if I don't take this chance I'll miss out completely. So now I kinda don't know what to do. Part of me says to stay here and the other part tells me to go. And if I do go it won't be for another 10 months at least. But I'm afraid that if I get there and we don't work out...well I've kinda screwed myself over. And the other part is afraid that if I don't go then I've screwed us over...
Meaplus3 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Meet IRL then take it from there. Anyone who can handle an LDR.. I give them so much credit. Mea:)
Author PurpleGrape Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 Well...here's the situation... I have a good amount of money left over from my scholarshiops that's mine to spend as I wish and if I have the same amount after the spring semester then I'll have enough to fly over there. I guess I COULD fly over and visit and come back but I'm afraid that I'll be so much more in love with her then that I won't want to come back because if I DO come back I won't be able to get over there again for a good while. If I DO go over there at the end of the school year I'll need a work and school visa so I can live there and finish my schooling. but I'll have to stay with her until I save enough money to get my own place or move into a dorm at the college. If I DO get the visas and get a job and get my loan for school and something goes wrong between us then I'm kinda stranded there. I'm trying to be logical but that's why I'm coming to you guys, I need a third party that isn't blinded by feelings.
carvidep Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Well that's definitely what we're here for! That would be great if you could take a week or two trip to see what your connection is like in person. If you do still consider moving over there say, for a year or two, make sure that you're doing it for YOU, and not just to be close to her. That way if something does go wrong, it wasn't all for nothing. That's the outlook I took when I went to my SO's country for 3 months. I took a course there to explore my newly chosen career field and had a fantastic time. Luckily things worked out wondefully between my SO and I. We had met two times within the two years that preceded that trip, and both times we felt like we'd known each other all our lives. I hope that's what you two feel when you finally meet.
Author PurpleGrape Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 I'm reading your guys's advice and part of me says that it makes great sense. That we should just visit first to see if it's really going to work out...but it's SO hard to say no. To tell her that I'm going to finally get to her an then leave her again. We've been hoping and dreaming of the chance to finally get togeher and her mom is aready willing to let me live with them for a couple months AND help me get a job...and seeing everything come together like his makes it SO hard to not just go through with it. Even if something went wrong with us I'd still have school and school in Europe is much better than school in America. And they have a much greater culture and I know that if I don't get out of this little town soon I'll get stuck here like so many other people have. I know I'm being totally crazy but I can't stop myself.
aerogurl87 Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Well that's definitely what we're here for! That would be great if you could take a week or two trip to see what your connection is like in person. If you do still consider moving over there say, for a year or two, make sure that you're doing it for YOU, and not just to be close to her. That way if something does go wrong, it wasn't all for nothing. That's the outlook I took when I went to my SO's country for 3 months. I took a course there to explore my newly chosen career field and had a fantastic time. Luckily things worked out wondefully between my SO and I. We had met two times within the two years that preceded that trip, and both times we felt like we'd known each other all our lives. I hope that's what you two feel when you finally meet. I agree with carvidep, go there for 2 to 3 weeks and see how well you get along with her. THEN if you two get along great in person, then make plans to relocate there for school. I met my boyfriend in person about 3 months ago, and I stayed with him in his house for 2 weeks while he went to school and worked. I am so thankful for those two weeks, because although I knew my boyfriend pretty well, being there with him in person for that long, and living with him while he went about his day to day routine really gave me alot of insight into what I'd be signing up for if (well now when ) I would move in with him. There are things you cannot possibly know about someone until you have spent time with them in person. You don't know how they react to certain situations physically, you don't know how they smell, how they kiss, how affectionate they really are, etc. So definitely go see her first and then make your final decision. And I also have to agree that should you relocate, do it for you and not just for her. I'm moving to Canada to be with my boyfriend whenever we figure out a concrete plan to get me up there either permanently or semi-permanently. Part of it is to be closer to him and the other part is so I can move far away from where I currently live as I've had this goal since I was about 15 to move somewhere far away and live somewhere new and different. Anyway, good luck with what you decide to do. I know it's hard when money's tight, but sometimes a leap of faith isn't the best plan when the worst consequence possible can screw you over big time.heart.
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