heartbroken81 Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I had a lovely relationship of 3+ years with an older man. he was my friend, philosopher and guide. he was wise and he contributed to my life like no one did. i secretly started to love him but never told him. but, after 3 wonderful years, we drifted apart. mostly because of my annoying insecurities which became too much for him to take. you know sometimes we just trouble and annoy and fight with people we love the most. and our friendship crumbled with time. i was naive and acted foolish and silly and immature. for more than a year i kept cajoling him one way or another to let our friendship be there. but it was too late. and now things are worse, since i have been literally begging to take me back in his life - he has out rightly said things like 'he doesnt want me in his life anymore' . it so hurts. its impossible to move away. i am married now for over 6 months to this nice guy who I think was a rebound since i am very much in love with him and couldnt get over the rejection. he is really nice, but i dont really love him. i only secretly love my older friend. i wish sometimes time could turn back and we would be friends once again. i am not 29 and he is 45, seems its never going to happen. i tried no contact but my heart yearns for him every day. i cannot get over him mostly for all the things he said to me towards the end. that 'i am some crazy person who just cannot accept that we are not friends anymore and is harassing him'. why life is cruel to me, this is one friendship i yearn for i cannot get.
CLC2008 Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Yeah, I had the same problem, but in reverse. Not sure what to tell you, except that you should be honest with your husband and focus on your marriage and forget about your friend.
bestrong Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Yes, but I guess you can't be friends with him at this moment. Respect his decision and give him time. There will be a friendship when both parties are willing to take each other as a friend! You have to think about your marriage. You mentioned he's a rebound and you don't really love him. It doesn't seem fair to your husband. I hope you will love him.
Div Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Try picking up the book "How to Fall out of Love" by Dr. Debora Phillips. It has some great techniques for erasing someone from your mind when you simply cannot be with them.
chocolate_boy Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Sure you can, but only after time apart. After a break-up you have a lot of animosity and awkwardness around each other, one of you is devastated that you were dumped, low on self-esteem, the other person is nervous around you because they know they hurt you badly. You need time apart generally, once all the drama is out of the way, a friendship can be established, it takes months/years though. I'm friends with most of my exes, one of them (my ex fiance) is one of my closest friends in the world, and helps me out with my current love-life issues a lot today, we still find each other attractive, and even considered trying again a few months ago, but time/place wasn't right. I still value her as one of my closest friends in the world though.
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