Saudade Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I know I've posted a couple of times this week - writing on here seems to help! It's been 11 days since my argument with my boyfriend - it was over nothing really. Up until then everything had been been perfect, he had asked me to move in with him in Decemeber and begged me the day before the argument never to leave him. Anyway we had this silly argument, he said things and I said things in the heat of the moment like you do in arguments, in the end I told him to leave, as I found it upsetting, he went and haven't heard anything from him. I have tried to call - have texted a few times and all I got was 'I don't want to talk to you' I have asked him kindly to help me understand and if he is going to end it at least let us be adults and talk either on the phone or in a cafe somewhere, but nothing! I might add that my boyfriend is 37. I am so sad and anxious, always looking at my phone while he seems to not have a care in the world. I am blaming myself for everything. I don't know how to handle it. I know you're all going to say it's over and I guess it is, but is it not childish just to ignore me?
leftfield Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I am so sad and anxious, always looking at my phone while he seems to not have a care in the world. I am blaming myself for everything. I don't know how to handle it. I know you're all going to say it's over and I guess it is, but is it not childish just to ignore me? He has gone 'NC', possibly because he has decided it's over and he wants to move on, but more likely (if the argument really was something petty and there was no other underlying problems) he is just trying to gauge your reaction to this situation and take a bit of control. Is he a bit of a hot-head? Does it usually take him a while to calm down? Don't start blaming yourself and begging forgiveness, it takes two to have an argument, no matter what was said in the heat of the moment. Take a deep breath and calm down. At some point he will get back in touch, but probably not while you're pushing for it. If you want to send a message to him, just keep it simple and say, "Hey, I'm sorry for the things I said, I'm sorry it had to end like this, and maybe it is better if we just give each other some space for a while". By doing this you are deciding that YOU want space, and he will either react by responding - if he still sees a future for the two of you - or he won't, and it might actually be the end of it. It's hard to tell from what you said in your post, but relationships rarely just end over one little argument (depending on how long it was of course) so don't panic just yet, it won't help your situation. Good luck anyway.
Author Saudade Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 Thank you for your kind reply. Yes, he is very hot headed as well as a sulker and stubborn, the thing is, we've never gone this long without talking. We were together a year, I know it's not that long but long enough surely to put someone out of their misery with 'it's over' I've asked him if it's over and he won't answer me. I think me going NC is the best thing I can do considering he won't even reply to my messages.
leftfield Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Thank you for your kind reply. Yes, he is very hot headed as well as a sulker and stubborn, the thing is, we've never gone this long without talking. We were together a year, I know it's not that long but long enough surely to put someone out of their misery with 'it's over' I've asked him if it's over and he won't answer me. I think me going NC is the best thing I can do considering he won't even reply to my messages. Yes I think you should go NC for your own peace of mind. While you are sitting around waiting for him to contact you, there's going to be that constant aching and anxiousness. If you just decide that you are not going to contact him, then it's less important whether he's contacting you or not. If you do want to throw the ball back in his court, so to speak, just give him that simple prompt that from now on, you're not on the end of his string any more and you're not going to contact him because YOU want space. It may force to face up to the decisions he's made, or may it sit quite well with him, maybe it IS over, but if it is, then at least you've taken some positive steps for yourself. I hope it does work out for you anyway, let us know what happens.
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