sudden Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 We broke up over Dec 09. She started seeing another guy a week after. Obviously it was being planned for some time before she actually finished it. Weird, and a shame as just the week before she finished it, she was talking about us getting married and having kids. Anyway, I work in the same company as her although I have not seen her or had any contact for the last 5 months. I changed my cell phone number so she couldn't contact me. I've thought about her almost every hour of each day since our breakup. I really miss her. in 36 years, I've never loved a girl as much as I loved her, but she was insecure and because of that we fought loads. Anyway, she called out of the blue last week. She had obviously managed to find my number and call me. She had been out drinking I think but it was also clearly pre-meditated as she would had to have gone looking for my new cell number. She called saying hi stranger! I just said, what do u want! how did you get my number?! She didnt answer the question and just said she called to see how I was doing. I just put the phone down. Soon as I heard her voice, I started shaking and I knew I wouldnt be able to hold a conversation with her......She is still seeing the guy she left me for, I know that for sure. What do I do next? Do I just leave it and keep NC? I still love her. She must have had a fight with her boyfriend and thought that by calling me, I would be massage her ego maybe. Or maybe she heard about the other girls Id been dating. Or maybe she heard from those same girls that I was still not over her..... Shall I write her an email and ask what she wanted? Or shall I just walk away for good.....walking away for good would be leaving my job as clearly she can still get hold of my cell phone somehow. End point is I still love her. she left me for someone who she thought maybe would give her what she wanted. Maybe he is. Maybe he is not. either way, if there was ever a chance of getting the one who got away back, Id like to take it. What do guys think?
Don Ho Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I understand that you were surprised and that it was very emotional. I'm not sure why you answered, I would have let it go to VM to figure out what she wanted. You were pretty defensive with her. Who cares if she's still with her BF ... she called you, drunk or not. If it were me, I would make contact (fck, did I say that? LOL). Try this: text just a ";)" and see if she responds with one back. If she does let it sit for 40-50 minutes. Come back with "hey, how's your week?". See what she comes back with. If she says "good, thanks" or something positive, let it sit for 30 minutes (you're a busy guy and she's not high on your priority list. Plus you do not want to appear eager). Text back "you caught me off guard last week. Just wanted to get back to you". Wait a bit. If she says "why were you surprised" or whatever, you can say "I was just surprised. Good to hear from you tho". If she says "sorry I called drunk last week" or something else, just text "No worries. Good to hear from you. I gotta run, catch up to you later". If she doesn't apologize or say she shouldn't have called, obviously drop the "no worries" part. THATS IT! If she responds with "when" or whatever do not reply to her!! Actually do not reply at all after that point. Do this exactly the way I say. DO NOT add extra words, get into a longer conversation, ask about the relationship, talk about why she called last week, NOTHING. Just polite, happy, friendly and then stop the text (because you're a busy guy). Do you get it? Think you can limit it just the way I say. You can also post here between texts IF she gets back to you. If she doesn't reply, DO NOT contact again. Good luck.
Darren Steez Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 No dude just don't do it, maybe she does miss, obviously she did some detective work to get your number, but so what, even if you do call her, even if you talk, hack even if you get together, she still left you for another guy, will you be able to trust her again? Is it worth it putting yourself through another roller coaster after you got this far? She was probably with this guy while you two were still dating, now she might be doing the same thing again but in reverse. Before you initiate contact just ask yourself whether your love is enough for both you, no use in getting all hooked again if only one side is committed to it.
Author sudden Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 Thanks guys, Im not sure what I'll do. I've been sitting on for now, I'll wait and make up my mind on what to do next. My gut is telling me to walk away. We all know our head and our heart always pulls us in a different direction but our gut is always right....... Shame, I still have feeling for her and it will take a very very long time to get over her. She was the love of my life. But she left me for another guy and when I think about it, I'll never be able to forgive her for that and so its dead..... I've still not made up my mind though. Im not sure texting a smily face is the right thing to text. Im not happy with her!! I really would like to think that she wants me back but deep down I think she was just fishing....... Thanks anyway guys, Its been nearly 9 months now, I think I have a year or so of feeling like this left, but Im sure I'll get over her.
Author sudden Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 One more thing. her number did not appear on my cell so thats why I picked up the phone. If I knew it was going to be her, I wouldn't have answered it.
Don Ho Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Thanks guys, Im not sure what I'll do. I've been sitting on for now, I'll wait and make up my mind on what to do next. My gut is telling me to walk away. We all know our head and our heart always pulls us in a different direction but our gut is always right....... Shame, I still have feeling for her and it will take a very very long time to get over her. She was the love of my life. But she left me for another guy and when I think about it, I'll never be able to forgive her for that and so its dead..... I've still not made up my mind though. Im not sure texting a smily face is the right thing to text. Im not happy with her!! I really would like to think that she wants me back but deep down I think she was just fishing.......Thanks anyway guys, Its been nearly 9 months now, I think I have a year or so of feeling like this left, but Im sure I'll get over her. You don't have to text or contact her, Bro. That was just a suggestion IF you felt like you wanted to contact and a strategy to do so. Sounds like you do not want to get hurt by her again and you want to move forward. Maybe it's best for you to continue NC and do that. Keep us posted.
Author sudden Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 Thanks for your advice guys. I want nothing more then to have her back the way she was and they way things were...... Im not sure I can ever forgive her or trust her again. She may contact me again anyway, although I doubt it. May well be time to move on..... leave my job too.. Its hard. One thing is for sure, Ill never ever allow someone to hurt me the way she did again. She needs to come crawling and begging, thats the only way I would even be able to say hi......anything less just wont do. Thats my gut talking, not my head and not my heart, both of which are saying very different things! Thanks again, Ive had alot of support from this forum.
Trovador Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 I just want to express my personal thought that nobody, absolutely nobody is going to crawl back to us and beg us to take them back, EVER! So, I think sometimes a call, an email or just they "passing by" is their way to crawl back and in some cases it has been very hard on them just to do that, which to us it would seem something insignificant... I know, because that is what I have done... But, most times this kind of behavior only serves us to have a little peace of mind... In this particular case I´d never respond to her even when I was fully healed... but I think if I was healed it wouldn´t matter anymore... Sometimes, it helps me to think that the woman I left behind wasn´t a delicate flower or an innocent maiden or the best of friends...
Thorgs Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Subscribed to see if anything comes from this. My ex called me almost 2 months after she left me for someone else (I found out by her daughter). I miss her so much but I doubt I'll ever have her back. Funny thing is, I just touched down in Vegas, turned my phone on, and there she was calling me. I didn't pick up because that instant what she did to me flashed through my head and I overcame the temptation. Keep us posted bro!
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