men's perception of sex

[my body is a cage]

Long story short: I had a very intense fling and fell for someone. I met him at the end of school, then he sold his camera to come visit me for 5 days and we had a great time together. He promised to come visit me abroad over the summer, got a passport even though he hadn't left the country. I really felt a connection and felt comfortable around him, we had the same interests and chemistry and enjoyed spending time together. He never made it to visit abroad, which I didn't think was a big deal because have been a little much (he pushed the idea, I was fine with it, would have been nice) and I knew he didn't really have the financial resources.

 

However, when I got back, he texted me frequently. We went to a party together one night, got drunk, and he ended up telling me that he hand't come visit me because he couldn't have anything serious with anyone, didnt trust himself, was a piece of ****, and it was clear I wanted something "very serious." This totally threw me off gaurd, as I had developed feelings for him, he had been the one to push the idea of visiting me, so I was upset. However, in retrospect, what he was saying made sense: we had just met each other, it would have been a huge commitment, and he had just come out of a REALLY bad relationship. He said it might be great because he would be with me, or it might be really not great...

 

Here's the part I have a question about: when he told me this, we were both really upset. One thing led to another, eventually he was comforting me, and we ended up hooking up. However, we were in the throws of passion and about to sleep together, and I told him maybe we shouldnt do this because I didn't want to get hurt. He accepted this, said he had already hurt me by not visiting me (I never expressed discontent at that) and we fell asleep in each others arms.

 

The next morning, we talked a little more. He thought I was pissed at him, I explained I was just sad/upset, he waited for me, walked me to the subway, told me he still wanted to "see" me. We exchanged amicable texts apologizing for our behavior. Three weeks have gone by, and I haven't heard from him... granted he was in the city and I was not and would pop in and out and inform people when I was in town, and never informed him, and he is pretty passive.

 

Now, however, I am about to be in a situation where I am likely to see him again. I still have feelings for him, but know he isn't relationship material (I found out that he cheated on his ex compulsively in his last relationship then was distraught when she dumped him).

My question is: would my act of stopping hooking up right before sex affect his opinion of me? and in what way? Would it make him like me less, see me as more of a lost cause? The reason I didn't hook up with him wasnt because I didn't want to , it was because I wasnt sure if he would lose respect for me or not... or how I would feel about it myself... maybe I ruined a passionate moment by being too cerebral, and things could be less weird (I accept we cant be in a relationship, but I hate that we havent even talked now... why?)

 

How should I act when I see him? I'm worried that he won't want to talk to me/ see me at all, and I'm not sure if this is irrational. In the beginning I thought of him as my "boy toy" but his kindess and respect won me over... now I am aware that he is not as harmless as he seems, which was a one of the qualities I liked about him. I miss our intimacy, though, and wouldnt mind being intimate with him, but feel like I can't do that now without backtracking, and I;m not sure if its a good idea for my feelings, although I'm more distanced from the relationship now. SHould I stick to flirting (if he is receptive) and mroe tame fooling around?

 

Basically - my overall question is, how does sex affect a man's respect level towards a woman? Does it make him like her more or less? Do you think I did the right thing in this scenario?