nduff1027 Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 hi i need some help, my girlfriend recently broke up with me after a year and a half relationship. her reason was i had changed and she couldnt be with me anymore. this was bull, but whatever the reason i want her back. she said she still wanted to be friends, but i decided i needed my space from her and told her i wasnt going to be her friend and i think we should stop talking and not hang out anymore (plus i thought if she would realize that i was going to be out of her life for good and break down and come back to me). she was very upset about this and before this she told me that right now we had no chance of getting back together but maybe in the future we could. i need advice, do you guys think she was letting me down easy, or should i wait a while then try to get her back. some more details about our relationship are i was her first real relationship, i took her virginity, and we were pretty much best friend, please help
Don Ho Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Probably need a little more info, like what proceeded the break up. How was she acting the last couple of months? Did she say how you changed? Good move on telling her you don't want to be friends.
Author nduff1027 Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 well the last couple months had been great, we were hanging out more than ever and getting along great, every night before i went to sleep she would tell me how much she loved me and how much i meant to her. then toward the end of the summer she started hanging out with some friends from work ( one a guy who she openly admitted to him having feelings for her, but swore they she didnt have feelings for him). at first i was fine with it i said i trusted her and she can do what she wants, but then in the span of a week she spent 4 days with this kid and other friends from work. i got alittle annoyed so i wasnt exactly myself i was just kinda quiet when we talked but i never confronted her about it ( the kid is now away at college). then one morning i woke up and she said things have changed and i changed and she was seeing a new side of me, which was not true at all. she said she started feeling this way two weeks before the break up. i get the feeling that she might have cheated on me and broke up with me cause she felt guilty about it and instead of telling me she just ended it.
Don Ho Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Yep. I agree. Another guy. She just tried to blame it on you because she can't take responsibility, didn't want to hurt you and didn't want to tell you the truth. Typical.
Author nduff1027 Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 I know I'm being nieve but Idk I do trust her, but I need some advice on how to find out if she did cheat on me cause I'm in no contact right now, I wanna ask her but I dont wanna piss her off and ruin my chances at getting back together with her if she didn't cheat on me. And if she did, what should I do cause I truly love her and think we can work past this but I honestly dont think she will contact me cause she doesn't want me to hate her, please give me some insight
Green Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Look you should have spoke up when she said "this guy I hang out with likes me but I don't like him"... You should have said "I'm not comfortable with you hanging out with him" Bottom line she did cheat the fact that she all of a sudden broke up with you is all the proof you need. You should move on. If you really want proof have her let you see her phone and don't give her time to think about it. Just say "let me see your phone now" then look through her txts... or have her sign into her fb and email and look through the recent msgs. If she gives you some bull about how thats her privacy say "you broke up with me now I need to make sure you didn't cheat because you've hurt my trust by just dumping me" My advice forget about her and just move on. Start asking some girls out when you've cheered up a bit.
bighearted Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Look you should have spoke up when she said "this guy I hang out with likes me but I don't like him"... You should have said "I'm not comfortable with you hanging out with him" Bottom line she did cheat the fact that she all of a sudden broke up with you is all the proof you need. You should move on.. Sorry, I don't have help. But this is something I've thought about women. You either speak up and say you aren't comfortable with it, they start thinking you're insecure and lose attraction to you... and end up leaving you. OR you don't speak up... they don't see a problem with hanging around another guy, eventually temptation takes it's toll... they either leave you to get with the other guy, or leave you after they've cheated. Lose Lose situation. Girls piss me the **** off. (I say girls because I would call this immature behavior.) The sad thing is, I really believe that most females are just "girls." It's hard to find good women. Sorry to say.
Don Ho Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I know I'm being nieve but Idk I do trust her, but I need some advice on how to find out if she did cheat on me cause I'm in no contact right now, I wanna ask her but I dont wanna piss her off and ruin my chances at getting back together with her if she didn't cheat on me. And if she did, what should I do cause I truly love her and think we can work past this but I honestly dont think she will contact me cause she doesn't want me to hate her, please give me some insight Nduff. You trust her? WTF?? It doesn't matter at this point if she cheated on you, it's a done deal. It doesn't fkn matter!! Ok, you find out she did. So what? You're going to get mad and never talk to her again? Forgive her IF somehow, someway she came back? That would be naive and dumb on your part. The insight is that you need to get off this emotional merry go round, put your life back together, move forward and find a new one. The fat lady has sung on this one Bro. It's OVER.
Author nduff1027 Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 Okay thanks guys, I'm gonna try to find out for sure but I definately agree with you, I should have spoke up but I didn't wanna be the bad guy, I was just being a pussy about it, time to get my life back together I guess.
Green Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Sorry, I don't have help. But this is something I've thought about women. You either speak up and say you aren't comfortable with it, they start thinking you're insecure and lose attraction to you... and end up leaving you. OR you don't speak up... they don't see a problem with hanging around another guy, eventually temptation takes it's toll... they either leave you to get with the other guy, or leave you after they've cheated. Lose Lose situation. Girls piss me the **** off. (I say girls because I would call this immature behavior.) The sad thing is, I really believe that most females are just "girls." It's hard to find good women. Sorry to say. It does almost become a lose lose situation once a girl wants to do something like hang out with some guy who is after her... but I still think you should speak up and be the bad guy... or just dump her for her drama Nduff. You trust her? WTF?? It doesn't matter at this point if she cheated on you, it's a done deal. It doesn't fkn matter!! Ok, you find out she did. So what? You're going to get mad and never talk to her again? Forgive her IF somehow, someway she came back? That would be naive and dumb on your part. The insight is that you need to get off this emotional merry go round, put your life back together, move forward and find a new one. The fat lady has sung on this one Bro. It's OVER. I realize ur just trying to snap the guy out of his insanity but he is going through a tough time why not try to convince him in a friendlier way. I do agree that its pointless for him to figure out if she cheated or not. Okay thanks guys, I'm gonna try to find out for sure but I definately agree with you, I should have spoke up but I didn't wanna be the bad guy, I was just being a pussy about it, time to get my life back together I guess. She did cheat. Don't even look into it. Just forget her. If she comes back to you wanting to get back togather thats when you spring it on her "show me your phone, email ect... now... "you don't give her time to delete the msgs to her friends about how she feels so guilty for cheating... just read all the txts first... obviouse stuff like a txt to a guy will be a dead give away. In the end why do you really want a girl like this back. even if she didn't cheat its a really big FU to hang out with a guy she knows likes her even if she claims not to like him.
Author nduff1027 Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 I honestly don't know, I'm just really confused and my emotions are getting the best of me, she would be the last person in the world I would think would do this, but I understand, I'm done with this girl
Don Ho Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I honestly don't know, I'm just really confused and my emotions are getting the best of me, she would be the last person in the world I would think would do this, but I understand, I'm done with this girl Bro it is painful, shocking and agonizing to not only think someone cheated on you but that they dumped you. Of course you're confused and your emotions are getting the best of you, that's normal. Not too much we can do about that except tell you it does get better and time heals all wounds. I know it's bewildering and confusing to have someone cheat (or think they have) on you. I was trying to explain there's little reason to "find out". It will likely hurt you more and that's not productive. But whether she did or didn't, she DID break up with you and IS involved with someone else. That does not leave the ball in your court. So, you have to do your best to start picking up the pieces, putting your life back together, working on yourself and moving forward. Hang in there.
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