sagetalk Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 a few days ago, he asked me out for a mid-day coffee. he told me point blank that he thought i was sexy and that he was married but looking to have a little fun on the side. :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad: Does that answer your question?
abouttoloseit Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 the little lady is gettin' antsy ;-) Not only do I like the word "antsy"...but it's also an anagram of "nasty". And my perverted young mind read that sentence as ... . Cold shower time. But yea, no fooling with married couples. Not very nice.
prettybaby Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 he told me point blank that he thought i was sexy and that he was married but looking to have a little fun on the side. That's not being f-buddies, that's him being a cheater and you being the mistress.
bac Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 i don't want him to leave his wife; in fact, i would prefer that he didn't. but yeah, i do have a conscience. i guess the only way i would go through with it is if there was absolutely no way of his wife finding out. from the logistics, it doesn't seem like there's much of a chance that she would find out. Do not worry about him leaving his wife. He is a Muslim and Muslims do not get divorced typically. In fact, they get married in the arranged marriages approved by their extended family which means everything to them. There is no way that a wife can not sense that her husband is cheating. Every little thing in his behavior will tell her that there is smth wrong with her husband. Any normal wife keeps track of her husband's time, activities during day, reads his body language including fleeting facial expressions and reads his mind as well her own mind. For a muslim woman, her husband is the most important person in the world. She cleans house very hard, cooks very complex meals for him for many hrs and does many other things working hard for her family which means everything to her. What is she going to do with her life and life of her kids when she knows that her husband cheates on her? She can not even get divorced. So. she is going to spend the rest of her life living in emotional turmoil cleaning, cooking and having sex with a man who betrayed her and her kids. She is going to be bitter, hopeless, angry, depressed for the rest of her life. She will treat her kids , herself and her husband with all the negative emotions. Kids are going to grow up emotionally wounded in the unhealthy emotional environment. I hope you are going to think about the outcomes of sex with a married men because there is no hope that the man is capable of thinking reasonably.
Cracker Jack Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 I'm wondering if people actually read her latest post....
Author BrendaBreakya Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 Do not worry about him leaving his wife. He is a Muslim and Muslims do not get divorced typically. In fact, they get married in the arranged marriages approved by their extended family which means everything to them. There is no way that a wife can not sense that her husband is cheating. Every little thing in his behavior will tell her that there is smth wrong with her husband. Any normal wife keeps track of her husband's time, activities during day, reads his body language including fleeting facial expressions and reads his mind as well her own mind. For a muslim woman, her husband is the most important person in the world. She cleans house very hard, cooks very complex meals for him for many hrs and does many other things working hard for her family which means everything to her. What is she going to do with her life and life of her kids when she knows that her husband cheates on her? She can not even get divorced. So. she is going to spend the rest of her life living in emotional turmoil cleaning, cooking and having sex with a man who betrayed her and her kids. She is going to be bitter, hopeless, angry, depressed for the rest of her life. She will treat her kids , herself and her husband with all the negative emotions. Kids are going to grow up emotionally wounded in the unhealthy emotional environment. I hope you are going to think about the outcomes of sex with a married men because there is no hope that the man is capable of thinking reasonably. Scroll up, I said that I decided not to go through with it. But I'm really curious as to where you came up with all of that based purely on the fact that he's muslim. I don't know his family situation in detail, but from what I can tell, he seems like a typical, red-blooded American dude (he was born and raised in the US) who likes p***y and is sexually bored in his marriage. He just happens to be Pakistani and muslim (i never talked to him about his religion, so I dont even know for sure that he is a muslim). Hell, I'm nominally catholic, but that don't mean jack as far as my sex life is concerned.
Author BrendaBreakya Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 Okay, I re-read you post and I saw that you're talking more about his wife than you are about him. Well I don't know if his wife is muslim or if they had an arranged marriage, but even if she is muslim, what makes you think she would react in the way you're describing? I've had muslim friends, both guys and girls; I don't know much about their religion, but they were more or less normal folk. I have no reason to believe that she wouldn't react just like a typical non-muslim married woman would who found out her husband was cheating.
bac Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Scroll up, I said that I decided not to go through with it. But I'm really curious as to where you came up with all of that based purely on the fact that he's muslim. I don't know his family situation in detail, but from what I can tell, he seems like a typical, red-blooded American dude (he was born and raised in the US) who likes p***y and is sexually bored in his marriage. He just happens to be Pakistani and muslim (i never talked to him about his religion, so I dont even know for sure that he is a muslim). Hell, I'm nominally catholic, but that don't mean jack as far as my sex life is concerned. I have some close friends who are Muslims here in the USA. IMO the fact that the guy is Muslim is a small, irrelavant detail. The sequence of events is the same for any culture. I was in the shoes of a wife whose husband was a cheater for yrs.
bac Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 so yeah, i politely declined his proposal. i can't really disagree with anything that anyone here wrote about his wife and marriage. i don't need that on my conscience, even if she never finds out. it was a tempting proposition, but a bad idea in the long run. when i told him my decision, he gave me the weirdest "no problem, i totally understand", as if it didn't bother him one bit, so at least things won't be as awkward between us when i see him (i don't expect that he'll flirt with me anymore though). he'll probably just move on to his next target. but this episode has got me really hot and bothered. i need to find a real, unattached f-buddy soon, the vibrator is not cutting it anymore. i don't want a boyfriend in my life right now, i just need a hot guy who can f me hard on demand and go home. the little lady is gettin' antsy ;-) On Adult friend finder, there is on every 50 men 1 female. Most of the men are very hot because guys with average looks have no hope on that site. Some men are married. It is a free site. I would assume that any female on AFF gets at least 5-10 emails daily.
elaina Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 So you know he's married, yet you're still willing to go on with it? He has a wife at home that has done nothing to deserve this. There are plenty of hot, single men that would be willing to give you the exact same thing. All this is going to do is create unnecessary drama. Agreed BrendaBreakya, I read that you declined his "proposal", yes? His character is his own to mold how he wants to be and obviously he has no qualms about being a cheater in secret. Have you ever watched "To Catch a Predator"? This show shows many guys who secretly go after teenagers in the hope of getting sex, and it's sad how so many ruin their lives and hurt their family members. Even though this married guy isn't going after teenagers (that we know of) it shows he does have a character issue, because he is not caring about his wife. He is only caring about not getting "caught." There's a big difference. I think it speaks volumes about your character to decline his offer and I hope you find an extra hot f-buddy who is not married!
Author BrendaBreakya Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 I have some close friends who are Muslims here in the USA. IMO the fact that the guy is Muslim is a small, irrelavant detail. The sequence of events is the same for any culture. I was in the shoes of a wife whose husband was a cheater for yrs. Ah. Very sorry to hear that. you're not still with him, are you? come to think of it, i actually had quite a few muslim friends, mostly arabs and pakistanis (i guess that's why i like middle-eastern men :-) ). most of them were non-practicing, but a few practicing ones too. this one pakistani girl i was good friends with wore a scarf (i think they call it hajib?). she had a pretty strong personality and ended up getting engaged to a guy she met in college, so i guess they don't have to have arranged marriages. their wedding was livelier than i expected it to be; there was no alcohol and they separated the guys and girls, but man, some of those girls can get down on the dance floor! i don't know where they learn it, since they don't go clubbing or anything.
Author BrendaBreakya Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 Agreed BrendaBreakya, I read that you declined his "proposal", yes? His character is his own to mold how he wants to be and obviously he has no qualms about being a cheater in secret. Have you ever watched "To Catch a Predator"? This show shows many guys who secretly go after teenagers in the hope of getting sex, and it's sad how so many ruin their lives and hurt their family members. Even though this married guy isn't going after teenagers (that we know of) it shows he does have a character issue, because he is not caring about his wife. He is only caring about not getting "caught." There's a big difference. I think it speaks volumes about your character to decline his offer and I hope you find an extra hot f-buddy who is not married! Yeah, declined. The more I think about it, the more i regret even having considered it. i can't imagine how i'd feel if i went through with it and his wife found out and their marriage fell apart. it's possible that might happen anyway since this guy seems pretty determined to cheat, but i don't want to be the one who makes it happen.
BellaBellaBella Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Glad to hear you declined. The fact that he already had a prearranged phone, means he has had other partners. The problem with that these days is you sleep with whoever he does. So him using protection isn't really enough as sometimes condoms break. HPV is a factor.
Rashad Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Do not worry about him leaving his wife. He is a Muslim and Muslims do not get divorced typically. In fact, they get married in the arranged marriages approved by their extended family which means everything to them. There is no way that a wife can not sense that her husband is cheating. Every little thing in his behavior will tell her that there is smth wrong with her husband. Any normal wife keeps track of her husband's time, activities during day, reads his body language including fleeting facial expressions and reads his mind as well her own mind. For a muslim woman, her husband is the most important person in the world. She cleans house very hard, cooks very complex meals for him for many hrs and does many other things working hard for her family which means everything to her. What is she going to do with her life and life of her kids when she knows that her husband cheates on her? She can not even get divorced. So. she is going to spend the rest of her life living in emotional turmoil cleaning, cooking and having sex with a man who betrayed her and her kids. She is going to be bitter, hopeless, angry, depressed for the rest of her life. She will treat her kids , herself and her husband with all the negative emotions. Kids are going to grow up emotionally wounded in the unhealthy emotional environment. I hope you are going to think about the outcomes of sex with a married men because there is no hope that the man is capable of thinking reasonably. wow, where do you get your information about Muslims and Islam from? Holy Quran 02:229 The divorce (shall be lawful) twice then (after that) marriage should either be kept on reasonable terms or release the woman with kindness...
Rashad Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Brenda, Don't do it... I don't care how hot and appealing you find this guy to be. You are destroying a family here, there is more important things in this world than your cravings. you know that
bac Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 (edited) wow, where do you get your information about Muslims and Islam from? Holy Quran 02:229 The divorce (shall be lawful) twice then (after that) marriage should either be kept on reasonable terms or release the woman with kindness... Sure, by Holy Quran people are allowed to get divorced. The basis of any great religion is free will. I was talking about a rate of divorce in Muslim and Western cultures. From what I have read last time, a rate of divorce in America was 75%. Before, I thought it was 50%. My guess is that a rate of divorce is about 1-5% in Muslim countries. Edited September 4, 2010 by bac
stillafool Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 OP if a married man told me he wanted a f buddy I would tell him to go hire a prostitute. I would be highly insulted if I were you.
InceptorsRule Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 OP, I'm kind of surprised that no one has recommended that you get therapy yet, so I will do so. It's pretty obvious to me that you are in need of some pretty intensive therapy so you can figure out why your level of self-worth is so low/non-existent that you would even seriously contemplate entering into a relationship with ANYONE, but particularly a married man, who would approach you with such a "proposition." This guy was basically telling you that he viewed you as a worthless piece of a and you were at least for a little while totally willing to buy into that guy's view of yourself. If you had an ounce of self worth you would have immediately told him to "eff off." I don't care how hot his physical appearance might be or how horny you feel/felt. The fact that you were for a time even willing to contemplate helping this guy cheat on his "wife" [assuming he was married, LOL, maybe he wasn't--he didn't have a ring-- but thought being "married" would make him more attractive to women such as yourself?] just makes it worse. I also don't really buy that what all you're looking for "right now" is a purely sexual NSA relationship. It sounds to me like for some reason, you are trying to deliberately sabotage your ability to be able to find someone with whom you might be able to enter into an authentic emotionally committed relationship. Go ahead and do that, if you want, but realize that actions have consequences and mistakes can be costly. Your time is precious and it's not unlimited. You're 27 already, right? Just how much random bangin' with guys do you think you can do before it starts to wear you down? Please don't come back in five or ten years and say "Where are all the good men? NOW I want to get married."
Will59 Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 This isn't really a dating question, but i figured i would get a better variety of unbiased opinions here than i would in the infidelity or sex forums. so here's my situation: there's this really hot guy who works in my building who i've gotten to know through various chance encounters and ice cream socials that the building management hosts from time to time. he's gotten more and more flirty each time we've met, and i've reciprocated. a few days ago, he asked me out for a mid-day coffee. he told me point blank that he thought i was sexy and that he was married but looking to have a little fun on the side. he was very up-front about his intentions and said that he loves his wife and would never leave her but "is looking for a little something extra". i didn't know he was married (he doesn't wear a ring) and was a bit taken aback at first, but i think that i'm actually considering it. i thought that i would be appalled and disgusted if a married man ever approached me in such a way, but i found that i was actually impressed and even turned on by his moxie. he's definitely very charismatic and was able to lay out his "proposal" confidently without coming off as sleazy or creepy. after thinking about it for a day, i asked him how it would work. he told me that we would agree on some ground rules and follow them. he said that he has a second prepaid cell phone that he would use to communicate with me. he said that either of us can end it at any time. he said he would always use protection. hookups would be during lunch, in the morning, or right after work. he said there is no chance of his wife finding out. it sounded like he had done this before, but i didn't ask. i haven't given him an answer yet. about me: i'm 27 and single. i've had a few f-buddies in the past, including a boyfriend who turned into an f-buddy after we realized that we no longer had feelings for each other despite the amazing sex. all of them ended fairly unremarkably, with no unintended feelings or emotional dramas. i'm not looking for a boyfriend right now but i'm not having as much sex these days as i would like. i have a high sex drive and i do enjoy the thrill of nsa sex and one night stands with hot guys. i just never thought of doing it with a married man. i'm fairly independent and not looking for a sugar daddy. i live within walking distance from the office, so we would hook up at my place. this guy has a great body and i have fantasized about having sex with him. i think he's 30 or 31. he's pakistani and i've always had a thing for middle-eastern men. i think he would be good in bed, and i don't really care that i wouldn't be able have a long-term relationship with him. ladies (or guys, for that matter), what do you think? would you ever consider such an arrangement? I'm just curious... how tall is this guy?
naya1 Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 well pakistani-muslim is kind of really strict..i'd know my 2 friends are muslim, but arab tho. i think its more common the pakistani-muslim pursue an arabic or someone of middle eastern descent more than a white girl or any other race. but i thnk they do like white girls 2nd to their own kind but not any other race if i am not mistaken..as ive observed for more than 10 years of friendship.. i'd say u should more not delve into this..and glad u decided not to.
Author BrendaBreakya Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 I'm just curious... how tall is this guy? Like 6'1" or 6'2"... Why?
Dante311 Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Hmmm I don't think I've ever asked a woman to be my f buddy... it usually just happens and we end up in a relationship. ha. ugh
SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 I'm glad you decided not to go thu with it if I was married and had absolute proof of him cheating I would have no qualms about ending the affair and the marriage with a shot gun. And I'm telling 100% truth some people just don't play games when it comes to stuff like that. I would be so devastated I wouldn't hold back at that point just remember you never know what goes thu peoples minds. Some harmless fun for you could turn out very differently if you get caut just something to keep in mind.. good for you ya made the right choice..
Dexter Morgan Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 so here's my situation: there's this really hot guy who works in my building who i've gotten to know through various chance encounters and ice cream socials that the building management hosts from time to time. whenever I hear a woman talking about how "hawt" a guy is, I get this vision in my head of Valley Girl....like oh my gawd. he's gotten more and more flirty each time we've met, and i've reciprocated. a few days ago, he asked me out for a mid-day coffee. he told me point blank that he thought i was sexy and that he was married but looking to have a little fun on the side. he was very up-front about his intentions and said that he loves his wife and would never leave her but "is looking for a little something extra". i didn't know he was married (he doesn't wear a ring) and was a bit taken aback at first, but i think that i'm actually considering it. men like this exist and get away with what they do because women like you are available to them. are you considering it simply because he is "hot"? How would you like to be someone's wife someday only to find out your H is doing to you what he is doing to her? i thought that i would be appalled and disgusted if a married man ever approached me in such a way, but i found that i was actually impressed and even turned on by his moxie. he's definitely very charismatic and was able to lay out his "proposal" confidently without coming off as sleazy or creepy. uh, he is a cheater...also making him a liar by default.....hey, but as long as he is "hot". about me: i'm 27 and single. you are 27? oh man. ladies (or guys, for that matter), what do you think? would you ever consider such an arrangement? no, I would never consider such an arrangement. I will never be with another man's wife. I wouldn't do that to another person. I'm perfectly capable of finding someone not married, whether it be for fun or looking for a relationship. so what do i think? I think you ought to respect his wife even if he won't. and if its a matter of him cheating on her anyway, that makes not one bit of difference. again, men like this wouldn't cheat if there weren't women out there that give them the option, and vice versa with cheating wives. you want to be an option for him and basically help spit in his wife's face, be my guest. I'd never do that to someone.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Yeah, declined. The more I think about it, the more i regret even having considered it. i can't imagine how i'd feel if i went through with it and his wife found out and their marriage fell apart. it's possible that might happen anyway since this guy seems pretty determined to cheat, but i don't want to be the one who makes it happen. ok, hope you stick to your guns....but the way you talk about him, something tells me you'll break. be stronger than that. He is an azzhole...don't be an option for him. too bad his wife doesn't know what kind of pr!ck she is married to.
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