BrendaBreakya Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 This isn't really a dating question, but i figured i would get a better variety of unbiased opinions here than i would in the infidelity or sex forums. so here's my situation: there's this really hot guy who works in my building who i've gotten to know through various chance encounters and ice cream socials that the building management hosts from time to time. he's gotten more and more flirty each time we've met, and i've reciprocated. a few days ago, he asked me out for a mid-day coffee. he told me point blank that he thought i was sexy and that he was married but looking to have a little fun on the side. he was very up-front about his intentions and said that he loves his wife and would never leave her but "is looking for a little something extra". i didn't know he was married (he doesn't wear a ring) and was a bit taken aback at first, but i think that i'm actually considering it. i thought that i would be appalled and disgusted if a married man ever approached me in such a way, but i found that i was actually impressed and even turned on by his moxie. he's definitely very charismatic and was able to lay out his "proposal" confidently without coming off as sleazy or creepy. after thinking about it for a day, i asked him how it would work. he told me that we would agree on some ground rules and follow them. he said that he has a second prepaid cell phone that he would use to communicate with me. he said that either of us can end it at any time. he said he would always use protection. hookups would be during lunch, in the morning, or right after work. he said there is no chance of his wife finding out. it sounded like he had done this before, but i didn't ask. i haven't given him an answer yet. about me: i'm 27 and single. i've had a few f-buddies in the past, including a boyfriend who turned into an f-buddy after we realized that we no longer had feelings for each other despite the amazing sex. all of them ended fairly unremarkably, with no unintended feelings or emotional dramas. i'm not looking for a boyfriend right now but i'm not having as much sex these days as i would like. i have a high sex drive and i do enjoy the thrill of nsa sex and one night stands with hot guys. i just never thought of doing it with a married man. i'm fairly independent and not looking for a sugar daddy. i live within walking distance from the office, so we would hook up at my place. this guy has a great body and i have fantasized about having sex with him. i think he's 30 or 31. he's pakistani and i've always had a thing for middle-eastern men. i think he would be good in bed, and i don't really care that i wouldn't be able have a long-term relationship with him. ladies (or guys, for that matter), what do you think? would you ever consider such an arrangement?
bobdole Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 There are plenty of hot guys that aren't married that would F you nsa I imagine. I know hes likely to cheat anyway but I would rather not cheat or be an accomplice to cheating. my 2c..
Stung Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 You haven't mentioned his wife even once. Did it not occur to you that you would be taking part in actions that could devastate another human being? Or does that simply not matter? Even if a spouse never explicitly finds out their mate is cheating on them, what they don't know CAN hurt them. An affair diverts time, emotional energy, sexual energy and loyalty away from the marriage. An affair robs children of time with their parent. An affair can change everything, every dynamic within a family. Why would you be a part of the potential downfall of a family, just for kicks and friction?
LisaLee Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 It is one thing to sleep with a MM out of feelings of love and emotion, but to sleep with him just because you're horny? So basically you ruin a family just because you want to get laid. How are you even considering this?
Woggle Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 You probably have your mind made up so it is at least better that you are doing this at a young age where you can bounce back because 9 times out of 10 this type of thing ends up in drama and heartbreak. I won't say what I feel because you will probably just see me as a preachy fuddy duddy.
Author BrendaBreakya Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 Are you Pakistani too or what? No... Why does that matter?
Mad Max Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 So you know he's married, yet you're still willing to go on with it? He has a wife at home that has done nothing to deserve this. There are plenty of hot, single men that would be willing to give you the exact same thing. All this is going to do is create unnecessary drama.
FryFish Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I think you should tell his wife exactly what he has proposed to you... He clearly isnt ready to be married and his wife deserves to know exactly what kind of an ******* she married.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I believe the good and bad things we do come back to us. And I believe in treating other people as you would like to be treated. So I could never in a million years have sex with someone who was in an exclusive relationship, and enable his cheating. I couldn't live with myself. And I have a hard time understanding how other people can.
MrNate Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I believe the good and bad things we do come back to us. And I believe in treating other people as you would like to be treated. So I could never in a million years have sex with someone who was in an exclusive relationship, and enable his cheating. I couldn't live with myself. And I have a hard time understanding how other people can. I agree with Ruby. What goes around, comes around. Karma definitely exists.
Woggle Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I would like to agree that what goes around comes around but when I look around I see horrible people doing very well and good people getting crap kicked on them dail.
Author BrendaBreakya Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 It is one thing to sleep with a MM out of feelings of love and emotion, but to sleep with him just because you're horny? So basically you ruin a family just because you want to get laid. How are you even considering this? believe me, i never thought i would. i've never pursued a married man before nor have i ever been pursued by one. but now that i have the opportunity before me, i find myself turned on by it, for reasons i can't fully explain. i didn't expect that i would feel this way about it. maybe it's just this particular married man. but isn't it better that i'm not in love with him or have feelings for him? i mean, we don't expect anything from each other except sex, so yes, i would only be sleeping with him because i'm horny and want to get laid. i don't want him to leave his wife; in fact, i would prefer that he didn't. but yeah, i do have a conscience. i guess the only way i would go through with it is if there was absolutely no way of his wife finding out. from the logistics, it doesn't seem like there's much of a chance that she would find out.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I agree with Ruby. What goes around, comes around. Karma definitely exists. I love your sig and your avatar. Man, I need to get laid. Those details, combined with your Louisiana location, had me wondering about you. (Not that you're not awesome, cuz you are!)
alclarkey Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 So you know he's married, yet you're still willing to go on with it? He has a wife at home that has done nothing to deserve this. There are plenty of hot, single men that would be willing to give you the exact same thing. All this is going to do is create unnecessary drama. Unless she's picky. Maybe this guy is the one guy out of a hundred thousand that she truly finds "hot." In which case she should reassess her sexuality. Or maybe the idea of being the other woman is a fetish of sorts for her. I saw a local craigslist ad once where this woman was specifically looking for a married man so she could get off on being his "dirty little secret". If that is what she is about, she should realize that getting off on that would not mitigate the fact that it is just plain wrong. Finally married men are off limits, even if there are no available single hotties.
meerkat stew Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Sounds great, let us know how it goes.
ColdFox Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Brenda, have you ever been married? I have. A true marriage is a very deep bond, it is shared between the husband and wife, all parts of it affect both of them. but yeah, i do have a conscience. i guess the only way i would go through with it is if there was absolutely no way of his wife finding out. from the logistics, it doesn't seem like there's much of a chance that she would find out. I think you should read the quote below over and over again... Even if a spouse never explicitly finds out their mate is cheating on them, what they don't know CAN hurt them. An affair diverts time, emotional energy, sexual energy and loyalty away from the marriage. An affair robs children of time with their parent. An affair can change everything, every dynamic within a family. Why would you be a part of the potential downfall of a family, just for kicks and friction?
MrNate Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I love your sig and your avatar. Man, I need to get laid. Those details, combined with your Louisiana location, had me wondering about you. (Not that you're not awesome, cuz you are!) Ha, well what's stopping you? Come on down:love:
Cracker Jack Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I honestly think this is a bad idea altogether. Hopefully you reconsider, tho.
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Have a browse on OKCupid. There are a lot of super-hot men looking for casual sex or FWB. I almost considered going that route myself with a particular guy. What I am saying is that if you are looking for casual sex, there are plenty of single men that will be more than happy to oblige. You can be very picky with looks too and go for the top 1 percentile. Obviously, if you are looking for a relationship you will need to lower your standards with looks.
naya1 Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 well no.. i wouldnt want to lie there while hes on top and im closing my eyes and i can see his kids and his wife.. no way. my mojo will die..
Philetus Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I'm not going to preach to you or tell you what you should do, that's for you to decide. Many (most?) of us wouldn't knowingly have a relationship with a married person. However, I think rational people should do what they want. All I would say is that you should carefully consider the fallout of such an arrangement. He says his wife will never know but, of course, he'd say that. How can you be sure? If she suspects and decides to investigate, it isn't hard to uncover. His change in mood may be enough to alert her. Are you ready to have an angry, jilted wife waiting on your doorstep one day when you come home calling you a home wrecker, a b!tch, a taking a swing at you? She could show up with her kids in tow if she has kids. If you've considered all the possible consequences (good and bad) and are willing to accept them, do what you want to do. Every action creates repercussions. In your case, they may all be good but you should be aware of, and willing to accept, the risk of the bad ones.
Author BrendaBreakya Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 so yeah, i politely declined his proposal. i can't really disagree with anything that anyone here wrote about his wife and marriage. i don't need that on my conscience, even if she never finds out. it was a tempting proposition, but a bad idea in the long run. when i told him my decision, he gave me the weirdest "no problem, i totally understand", as if it didn't bother him one bit, so at least things won't be as awkward between us when i see him (i don't expect that he'll flirt with me anymore though). he'll probably just move on to his next target. but this episode has got me really hot and bothered. i need to find a real, unattached f-buddy soon, the vibrator is not cutting it anymore. i don't want a boyfriend in my life right now, i just need a hot guy who can f me hard on demand and go home. the little lady is gettin' antsy ;-)
Cracker Jack Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 ^I'm glad you decided not to get into that. You did the right thing. You'll find a good F-buddy soon, I'm sure.
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