pandagirl Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 So many of my friends and family are telling me not to give up hopes for a second chance with my ex. I find that advice counter-intuitive to get over a breakup! I kind of like to think of it as "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be." For me, that means going on with my life and doing what makes me happy. But is that just another way of believing in "destiny"? Do seconds chances happen because of effort or just because?
YellowShark Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I kind of like to think of it as "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be." For me, that means going on with my life and doing what makes me happy. But is that just another way of believing in "destiny" This is philosophical question that man had pondered for centuries. As I understand it fatalism states that free will does not exist, and that events progress in the only manner possible. Causality states that every event is caused a subsequent event. While free will is the belief that event are the result of choices made by an act of will. Personally I don't know what is true because I grew up near power lines. So if you believe in fatalism you may or may not have a second chance with your EX. If you believe in causality you will not have a second chance with your EX. And if you believe in free will then only your EX will decide if he returns.
alphamale Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Do seconds chances happen because of effort or just because? only time will tell pandagirl
summerl0vesyou Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 So many of my friends and family are telling me not to give up hopes for a second chance with my ex. I find that advice counter-intuitive to get over a breakup! I kind of like to think of it as "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be." For me, that means going on with my life and doing what makes me happy. But is that just another way of believing in "destiny"? Do seconds chances happen because of effort or just because? you know, honestly im not sure if i believe in it. sometimes I do. but sometimes, i also believe that we create our destiny to a certain extent. Second chances that are meant to be, would probably happen by accident. IE- seeing someone somwhere you wouldnt expect, and then rehitting it off or something. talking, and missing each other. in order for it to be "meant to be", it would involve an accident like such. because if you contact them or they contact you, YOU created that reality, not fate...thats kinda how i see it. As for now, id say move on with your life and if he is the right person, it will fall back into place, destiny or not.
Green Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 So many of my friends and family are telling me not to give up hopes for a second chance with my ex. I find that advice counter-intuitive to get over a breakup! I kind of like to think of it as "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be." For me, that means going on with my life and doing what makes me happy. But is that just another way of believing in "destiny"? Do seconds chances happen because of effort or just because? People are just trying to be nice. I once told a girl who had broken up her engagement "glad to hear you broke up" and she took that to mean I was hitting on her. I told her "no I was just trying to be nice.
quankanne Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I believe second chances present themselves, but we're not who we were the first time around, because God willing, we've learned and have grown emotionally and psychologically during the time of the break-up to the time of the meet-up. I never really expected to hook up with Mr. Q again after our first brief bout of dating ... but the opportunity presented itself, we were older and wiser, and eventually, ended up married. So never say never – but don't put your life on hold, either!
Author pandagirl Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 I believe second chances present themselves, but we're not who we were the first time around, because God willing, we've learned and have grown emotionally and psychologically during the time of the break-up to the time of the meet-up. I never really expected to hook up with Mr. Q again after our first brief bout of dating ... but the opportunity presented itself, we were older and wiser, and eventually, ended up married. So never say never – but don't put your life on hold, either! Oh no, I plan on focusing on myself and making me happy. I will not put my life on hold for anyone. And, yes, I think my ex and I could both use a little growing emotionally and psychologically (especially him). haha. I want to hear your story!
LostInTurn Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 It's bullsh*t. Fate, love, destiny. All created by people throughout time to make themselves feel better about the cr*p that happens in life. If those things were true, I'd still be in my relationship. I'm not, so no. No matter how many twists and turns it took to get two people to a place and how unlikely it all was, bullsh*t. How I met my ex is unreal, and yes I used to believe in that cr*p, but then I realized.
willowthewisp Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 There is no meant to be. There is no "soul mate" or "the one". Like everything else in life, anything worth having takes work including relationships. No one is perfect, including you and so all that remains is working through differences. If one person won't do that, then the relationship breaks up. Will they come back? That depends on whether they realise that relationships take work. How long were you together? Was the split a realisation that you guys weren't compatible or was your relationship long term ie longer than 5 years, because then they may realise their mistake, but then again, they may not? Either way it is not in your control.
threebyfate Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Second chances only happen if both want to make it happen. But even with the opportunity of a second chance, the odds are pretty high that the same incompatibilities that caused the initial break up will cause a second break up. Also, it's rare that people are completely honest or even self aware enough about their reasons for the initial break up, nevermind trying to repair the relationship.
Kamille Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Sounds like we have the same philosophy Panda. I tither between "meant to be" and agency. I think it's a combination of both: accepting what cannot be changed and making the best of life's opportunities.
LittleTiger Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Que sera sera, whatever will be will be ......... Who knows whether we have any control over our own destiny? We will probably never know. But, just in case, I say I act like you do. You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. Whatever you wish to happen, do whatever it takes to make it happen. I honestly doubt it would happen without some effort from you. Just remember though, if we do have any control over our own lives, that's as far as it goes, we have no control over other people's choices. Whether it's fate or by design you're clearly not 'meant to be' with your ex right now. Enjoy your life to the full and if your paths cross again in the future you can both decide then whether you want to give it a second chance.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 I take the term "wasn't meant to be" as a figurative rather than a literal expression. It's origins may come from some kind of religious belief that destiny is pre-written but religion is often a paradox where its originators use symbolism to make points but people ultimately take it (or use it exploitationally) as literal--sometimes with great consequence. As an aside, I see the trinity in Christian and Catholic mythology for instance as figurative symbology. One could instead of saying "in the name of the father, son and hold spirit" say: "in the name of all that has been (the great past or "the father" in patriarchal expression) and all that shall ever be (the future or "the son" in patriarchal expression), let us recognize ourselves between past and future as holders of the holy spirit of forever--charged with the duty to honor the past, consider the future and act with optimal spirit in the present". Perhaps this was the original intent of the triune essence of wisdom but its progenitor chose to use patriarchal figurative symbolism. No one knows for sure. What might be true then is that some either took this symbolism as literal and/or used it literally to subordinate others into an authoritarian construct with them personally achieving higher stature and therefore greater power for being the authority as to what interpretations should be. Rank and file persons yield on bended knee (or both knees and head to ground in Islam). The world has suffered and continues to suffer greatly because of this in my view as indistinction and culturalization of objectifying figurative expression tears factions apart into ludicrous and unresolvable contentiousness. "Wasn't meant to be" works just fine as a colloquial simplification but it stops there. Everything else outside of the realization that it just can't work is ye olde superstition. So there.
Fouts Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 I kind of like to think of it as "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be." For me, that means going on with my life and doing what makes me happy. But is that just another way of believing in "destiny"? Pretty much, and I agree with that
Author pandagirl Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 There is no meant to be. There is no "soul mate" or "the one". Like everything else in life, anything worth having takes work including relationships. No one is perfect, including you and so all that remains is working through differences. If one person won't do that, then the relationship breaks up. Will they come back? That depends on whether they realise that relationships take work. How long were you together? Was the split a realisation that you guys weren't compatible or was your relationship long term ie longer than 5 years, because then they may realise their mistake, but then again, they may not? Either way it is not in your control. I don't believe in soulmates either. We were together for two months until he moved. Been apart for 8 months. He's moving back in six. I cant pinpoint the real reason why we broke up. Distance, his stress, my depression, not seeing each other enough. TBF, yes. Second chances only work when both parties are willng to work on their issues. I would be willing to do that, he may not due to either his selfishness or that he's not able to give more time to the relationship bc of where he is in his life, theextra effort that a LDR takes.
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