candleboxes Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 My ex is desperate to be friends with me. He says he's still in love with me he still loves me he still wants me (just doesn't think it's a good idea) - all of the same **** we've all heard a thousand times on this site I'm sure. He knows that I love him and that I still want to be with him. I've made stupid mistakes since he broke up with me and I own up to them - but I've decided I -cannot- be friends with him. And I feel like ****. He's a very lonely and lost soul - I know this about him. He doesn't have any friends and I know he seeks the comfort of strangers online because he doesn't have a support system in real life. He told me he hasn't been on any dates or done anything with anyone since we broke up (which honestly surprised me) but then made me feel retarded and somehow worse. I stupidly hung out with him (sorry Shannon!) and then the next day messaged him to tell him I felt really good about the idea of being friends! (Except we acted like anything BUT friends when we hung out if you know what I mean) Ok so it took me a whole 2 hours to realize that was a mistake, especially when I found out he had not gone out on any dates or slept with any women or anything. He obviously got pissed and upset with me and I don't blame him, so I wrote him what I felt to be a thoughtful email and then today we were talking and it was just all so horrible. It doesn't make sense that someone that hurt me SO bad that someone who doesn't feel a relationship with me is the right course of action - could make me feel like I'm being selfish or just not valuing him because I can't be friends. It doesn't make sense to me why I feel sorry for him. But I do - I feel truly awful for him. And I wanted to make him feel better and all I did was make him feel worse. But I knew I would not be able to function if everytime we hung out, we acted like a couple, but at the end of the night he was still out there wanting to see other people. I just couldn't do it. = ( I pity him. I'm angry with him. I feel mad at myself. I feel mad at him for doing this. If he ever even did want me back I'd never feel convinced that it was because he realized he'd made some mistake - I'd think it was because he was lonely. What does it mean when your ex so desperately wants to be friends? I feel this is not normal. And I don't know what to do. I feel like a very bad guy.
L3stat Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 No Contact all you doing is hurting yourself, if he wants to be with you he will, but you cant keep in contact with him, he knows where you stand, he's confuse or whatever so just let him be and focus on yourself Move on its just a chapter in the past but dont close the book just turn the page:mad:
ShannonMI Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 My ex is desperate to be friends with me. He says he's still in love with me he still loves me he still wants me (just doesn't think it's a good idea) - all of the same **** we've all heard a thousand times on this site I'm sure. He knows that I love him and that I still want to be with him. I've made stupid mistakes since he broke up with me and I own up to them - but I've decided I -cannot- be friends with him. And I feel like ****. He's a very lonely and lost soul - I know this about him. He doesn't have any friends and I know he seeks the comfort of strangers online because he doesn't have a support system in real life. He told me he hasn't been on any dates or done anything with anyone since we broke up (which honestly surprised me) but then made me feel retarded and somehow worse. I stupidly hung out with him (sorry Shannon!) and then the next day messaged him to tell him I felt really good about the idea of being friends! (Except we acted like anything BUT friends when we hung out if you know what I mean) Ok so it took me a whole 2 hours to realize that was a mistake, especially when I found out he had not gone out on any dates or slept with any women or anything. He obviously got pissed and upset with me and I don't blame him, so I wrote him what I felt to be a thoughtful email and then today we were talking and it was just all so horrible. It doesn't make sense that someone that hurt me SO bad that someone who doesn't feel a relationship with me is the right course of action - could make me feel like I'm being selfish or just not valuing him because I can't be friends. It doesn't make sense to me why I feel sorry for him. But I do - I feel truly awful for him. And I wanted to make him feel better and all I did was make him feel worse. But I knew I would not be able to function if everytime we hung out, we acted like a couple, but at the end of the night he was still out there wanting to see other people. I just couldn't do it. = ( I pity him. I'm angry with him. I feel mad at myself. I feel mad at him for doing this. If he ever even did want me back I'd never feel convinced that it was because he realized he'd made some mistake - I'd think it was because he was lonely. What does it mean when your ex so desperately wants to be friends? I feel this is not normal. And I don't know what to do. I feel like a very bad guy. Aw you don't need to apologize! It sounds like he just wants to be friends because he's lonely and you were close to him once. You aren't close anymore, though. For your own sanity, you need to have no more contact with him. I know you feel sorry for him, but this is what he wanted. He chose to end the relationship. He can't have the best of both worlds. You, being his close friend and him, being able to date other people. I feel the same way about my ex. He wants to be friends and I said no because he doesn't DESERVE my friendship after what he did to me. I just recently found out he was seeing a college kid a week before he even told me he wanted a break. He's still seeing this girl who I've been told, is a gutter skank. He chose a piece of trash over a great girl who shared 8 years of her life with him. Who supported him and loved him unconditionally. Since finding all this out, I told him I never want him to contact me again. He is dead to me. He betrayed me and I want nothing to do with him. Maybe in a few years you can be friends with your ex, but the wounds are too fresh. You will never move on and heal from the pain of this failed relaionship if you are in contact with him.
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