Close to cracking

[leftfield]

I'm having a really bad day today, I can't stop thinking about something the ex said to me last week. She mentioned that there is another guy interested in her, and that she was thinking of going out on a date with him (yeah that was a nice piece of information to share wasn't it).

 

When I spoke to her last week she hadn't yet been out with him, but I'm aware that she finishes work earlier than usual tonight, and also that she doesn't have a lot of other free time due to work and other commitments, so I just keep thinking that she could be out with him right now, having a good time and moving on with her life while I'm left here feeling so mired in the past. I know I'm doing this to myself, but I can't seem to stop these thoughts.

 

I've even thought about going back on Facebook just to sniff around for information, even though I know that's a really, really, really bad idea. There's some kind of masochistic need in me to find out. What's that all about anyway? I'm not the type of guy that would lick a frozen metal rod, so why do I want to stick my emotions to a torturous piece of crap like Facebook.

 

I'm already wavering on the FB idea after coming here to post my thoughts, but will somebody please tell me that I'm being a massive bell-end and that I just need to stop pulling the pins out of these emotional hand grenades.

 

Incidentally, does anyone have any practical advice on how to stop your mind running off on it's own? My mind sort of does that naturally anyway, in fact I think someone else is using it while I'm asleep because I've been feeling really tired recently, but I don't think I've actually managed a waking moment this week that doesn't somehow involve her. I can't even get my work done. This is seriously affecting my life.

[BigProc]

You and me both pal. You gotta try and stick with it. Its so so hard and while your mind isn't occupied its naturally going to wonder back to the pain. Don't go on facebook though because as you know yourself, you aren't going to find anything on there you want to see. My ex is sex mad, so i know that every night she's gonna be getting it off him and the feeling makes me physically sick. But you've just got to conciously try and make yorself think of something else. Today is the 1st day i'v not checked facebook to see what her relationship status says and hopefully i can stick to it. But at the moment i'm finding everything very difficult

[leftfield]

You and me both pal. You gotta try and stick with it. Its so so hard and while your mind isn't occupied its naturally going to wonder back to the pain. Don't go on facebook though because as you know yourself, you aren't going to find anything on there you want to see. My ex is sex mad, so i know that every night she's gonna be getting it off him and the feeling makes me physically sick. But you've just got to conciously try and make yorself think of something else. Today is the 1st day i'v not checked facebook to see what her relationship status says and hopefully i can stick to it. But at the moment i'm finding everything very difficult

 

Really gets to you doesn't it BP. I've been trying to suck it up and just bury the f***** but I think I nearly burst my gloiven doing that this morning. This evening I just could not seem to switch off my over-active imagination. But I didn't reactivate FB, I know I can't handle what I might find there.

 

Good thing you haven't checked FB as well (you haven't been peeking since you wrote that comment have you?! ). I was thinking earlier, why can't I just accept it and move on, why am I still holding on for hell to freeze over and her to come back to me, but then I realised - I have let something go! I now know she isn't coming back, I really do, that glimmer of hope is gone. SHE HAS GONE. I think that horrible experience last weekend gave me certainty of that. As painful as it is to accept.

 

It's a start at least, I now just need to stop caring that she isn't coming back. Stop being in love with her and stop wanting to turn back the clock. If nothing else I simply can't afford to waste any more of my time with it.

 

I may actually have to go NC with Love Shack, as I think I've become slightly addicted to reading other people's stories and getting over-involved in the business of 'breakups'. It's probably contributing to my whole mindset at the moment. I'll see how I feel about that tomorrow.

[candleboxes]

I'm having a really bad day today, I can't stop thinking about something the ex said to me last week. She mentioned that there is another guy interested in her, and that she was thinking of going out on a date with him (yeah that was a nice piece of information to share wasn't it).

 

When I spoke to her last week she hadn't yet been out with him, but I'm aware that she finishes work earlier than usual tonight, and also that she doesn't have a lot of other free time due to work and other commitments, so I just keep thinking that she could be out with him right now, having a good time and moving on with her life while I'm left here feeling so mired in the past. I know I'm doing this to myself, but I can't seem to stop these thoughts.

 

I've even thought about going back on Facebook just to sniff around for information, even though I know that's a really, really, really bad idea. There's some kind of masochistic need in me to find out. What's that all about anyway? I'm not the type of guy that would lick a frozen metal rod, so why do I want to stick my emotions to a torturous piece of crap like Facebook.

 

I'm already wavering on the FB idea after coming here to post my thoughts, but will somebody please tell me that I'm being a massive bell-end and that I just need to stop pulling the pins out of these emotional hand grenades.

 

Incidentally, does anyone have any practical advice on how to stop your mind running off on it's own? My mind sort of does that naturally anyway, in fact I think someone else is using it while I'm asleep because I've been feeling really tired recently, but I don't think I've actually managed a waking moment this week that doesn't somehow involve her. I can't even get my work done. This is seriously affecting my life.

 

You just have to NOT do it. Do anything else in the world but do not check up on them. It's not worth it.

 

I feel your pain - about a year ago I was very heartbroken over someone and not only am I convinced that they had NPD (google it, it sucks) but I ALSO knew ALL of his passwords to everything.

 

The temptation to check up on him was overwhelming. It was torture.

 

I say delete your ex off of facebook, block it if you have to. Delete mutual friends, whatever it takes.

 

Do-not-check-up-on-your-ex. You'll have a peace of mind after a few days and as long as you never give in to the desire, you will be alright.

 

It sucks, it's hard.

 

But remember - I had that psycho's email passwords! If I could do it, you can do it.

[nokturn]

I'm having a really bad day today, I can't stop thinking about something the ex said to me last week. She mentioned that there is another guy interested in her, and that she was thinking of going out on a date with him (yeah that was a nice piece of information to share wasn't it).

 

When I spoke to her last week she hadn't yet been out with him, but I'm aware that she finishes work earlier than usual tonight, and also that she doesn't have a lot of other free time due to work and other commitments, so I just keep thinking that she could be out with him right now, having a good time and moving on with her life while I'm left here feeling so mired in the past. I know I'm doing this to myself, but I can't seem to stop these thoughts.

 

I've even thought about going back on Facebook just to sniff around for information, even though I know that's a really, really, really bad idea. There's some kind of masochistic need in me to find out. What's that all about anyway? I'm not the type of guy that would lick a frozen metal rod, so why do I want to stick my emotions to a torturous piece of crap like Facebook.

 

I'm already wavering on the FB idea after coming here to post my thoughts, but will somebody please tell me that I'm being a massive bell-end and that I just need to stop pulling the pins out of these emotional hand grenades.

 

Incidentally, does anyone have any practical advice on how to stop your mind running off on it's own? My mind sort of does that naturally anyway, in fact I think someone else is using it while I'm asleep because I've been feeling really tired recently, but I don't think I've actually managed a waking moment this week that doesn't somehow involve her. I can't even get my work done. This is seriously affecting my life.

 

 

 

I'm right there with ya bud. Actually, I was thinking of bumping a thread I posted a little while ago about some fit she threw when I decided to de-friend her. Making like I was the bad guy and that I didn't trust her or something. I felt kind of bad (not sure why) and wanted to get her off my back so I put in a request and she eventually accepted it. Last night, I signed on and guess what? She had de-friended me. Honestly I was pretty p'd off by that. Like she's playing games with me wanting me to chase her or something? Anyway, it's a little scary how similar our situations are -- pretty much everything you said on your first post is what I've been going through.. I guess if it helps, you're clearly not alone on this!

[Hopelesslyforgotten]

I'm having a really bad day today, I can't stop thinking about something the ex said to me last week. She mentioned that there is another guy interested in her, and that she was thinking of going out on a date with him (yeah that was a nice piece of information to share wasn't it).

 

When I spoke to her last week she hadn't yet been out with him, but I'm aware that she finishes work earlier than usual tonight, and also that she doesn't have a lot of other free time due to work and other commitments, so I just keep thinking that she could be out with him right now, having a good time and moving on with her life while I'm left here feeling so mired in the past. I know I'm doing this to myself, but I can't seem to stop these thoughts.

 

I've even thought about going back on Facebook just to sniff around for information, even though I know that's a really, really, really bad idea. There's some kind of masochistic need in me to find out. What's that all about anyway? I'm not the type of guy that would lick a frozen metal rod, so why do I want to stick my emotions to a torturous piece of crap like Facebook.

 

I'm already wavering on the FB idea after coming here to post my thoughts, but will somebody please tell me that I'm being a massive bell-end and that I just need to stop pulling the pins out of these emotional hand grenades.

 

Incidentally, does anyone have any practical advice on how to stop your mind running off on it's own? My mind sort of does that naturally anyway, in fact I think someone else is using it while I'm asleep because I've been feeling really tired recently, but I don't think I've actually managed a waking moment this week that doesn't somehow involve her. I can't even get my work done. This is seriously affecting my life.

 

Definitely stay away from facebook!! It will only drive you crazy!! I got rid of my facebook...and it's probably the best thing I have done for myself right now. I have no temptation to go see what my ex is doing... and I know it is just going to tear me apart even if I see that he has friended a new girl...so definitely stay away from it!

 

Keep yourself busy! Get yourself out of the house...go work out and hang out with friends...that's the best thing that i've been doing to stop thinking about my ex...otherwise my mind will run rampant and I will only think of the absolute WORST things possible. Go do something you enjoy...I like getting a pedicure (haha) and it makes me feel better.

[leftfield]

You're all giving good advice, and you're all 100% right about Facebook. Who would have imagined such a thing could be a source of such pure evil. I've actually deactivated my account, I did that shortly after we broke up because I knew it was a bad idea to stick around. I saw her status change from "In a relationship" to "Single" and that was the slap in the face I needed to get the hell off there immediately.

 

On the occasions I have spoken to my ex since we broke up, she has repeatedly asked if I'm back on there yet, but I'm not sure whether she is trying to find out what I'm up to, or just wants to know if I'm cyber-stalking her. Probably the latter, my impression of her recently is that she is actually a bit too sure of herself. It's rather annoying actually.

 

I will try to get out there and do things, but it's hard when finances are low and workload is high. I also work from home, by myself, so if I don't visit my family during the week I can actually go for very long periods without speaking face-to-face with anyone. I do often go for several days actually. It makes my existence a very lonely one at the moment. Another reason it kinda pi$$es me off that I don't even have the opportunity to casually browse my friends on Facebook, but fear not, I'm not opening that can of worms for anything.

[skydiveaddict]

delete every contact you have with her . fb ,email, phone # etc. Block her phone as well. Dont put yourself through this misery. Go find new friends and new things to to. (I have a few in mind). The point is decide she is no longer a part of your life, cause like it or not, she aint.

[Hopelesslyforgotten]

You're all giving good advice, and you're all 100% right about Facebook. Who would have imagined such a thing could be a source of such pure evil. I've actually deactivated my account, I did that shortly after we broke up because I knew it was a bad idea to stick around. I saw her status change from "In a relationship" to "Single" and that was the slap in the face I needed to get the hell off there immediately.

 

On the occasions I have spoken to my ex since we broke up, she has repeatedly asked if I'm back on there yet, but I'm not sure whether she is trying to find out what I'm up to, or just wants to know if I'm cyber-stalking her. Probably the latter, my impression of her recently is that she is actually a bit too sure of herself. It's rather annoying actually.

 

I will try to get out there and do things, but it's hard when finances are low and workload is high. I also work from home, by myself, so if I don't visit my family during the week I can actually go for very long periods without speaking face-to-face with anyone. I do often go for several days actually. It makes my existence a very lonely one at the moment. Another reason it kinda pi$$es me off that I don't even have the opportunity to casually browse my friends on Facebook, but fear not, I'm not opening that can of worms for anything.

 

Ugh, yes the status change...that is enough to push me over the edge. I am happy that you are doing what you can to avoid putting yourself in a vulnerable position by seeing such crap on facebook. People will say 'you can just delete that person but stay on' but I know i would still find myself still trying to figure out what he's doing...so to even stop that craziness from ensuing, I am staying off of it.

 

That's interesting that she kept asking you about whether you were back on facebook...it almost sounds like she wants to see what YOU were doing, otherwise why would she care so much if you were cyberstalking her...she could just defriend you..ya know. But for your own sanity right now, i'd stay off and let her wonder..

 

Just getting yourself some fresh air helps. I go for a walk each night...although I find myself thinking about the situation w/ my ex, I think it still helps to get out of the house and get some fresh air. Call your friends or definitely post on here. I have found this site incredibly therapeutic...the people on here are always here to give to a boost from the darkness!

[BigProc]

Really gets to you doesn't it BP. I've been trying to suck it up and just bury the f***** but I think I nearly burst my gloiven doing that this morning. This evening I just could not seem to switch off my over-active imagination. But I didn't reactivate FB, I know I can't handle what I might find there.

 

Good thing you haven't checked FB as well (you haven't been peeking since you wrote that comment have you?! ). I was thinking earlier, why can't I just accept it and move on, why am I still holding on for hell to freeze over and her to come back to me, but then I realised - I have let something go! I now know she isn't coming back, I really do, that glimmer of hope is gone. SHE HAS GONE. I think that horrible experience last weekend gave me certainty of that. As painful as it is to accept.

 

It's a start at least, I now just need to stop caring that she isn't coming back. Stop being in love with her and stop wanting to turn back the clock. If nothing else I simply can't afford to waste any more of my time with it.

 

I may actually have to go NC with Love Shack, as I think I've become slightly addicted to reading other people's stories and getting over-involved in the business of 'breakups'. It's probably contributing to my whole mindset at the moment. I'll see how I feel about that tomorrow.

That is a very good point with loveshack and is exactly what went through my mind yesterday.I think i'm addicted to reading peoples situations similar to mine. I'm on it quite a lot seeing peoples updates and trying to get advice. However i was thinking, going on it too much, is that just prolonging the pain? Like a constant reminder? Its definatly something i'v thought.

[Username37]

I'm having a really bad day today, I can't stop thinking about something the ex said to me last week. She mentioned that there is another guy interested in her, and that she was thinking of going out on a date with him (yeah that was a nice piece of information to share wasn't it).

 

Horrible horrible. She's knows your hurting, why must she share that with you? Go NC

 

I've even thought about going back on Facebook just to sniff around for information, even though I know that's a really, really, really bad idea. There's some kind of masochistic need in me to find out. What's that all about anyway? I'm not the type of guy that would lick a frozen metal rod, so why do I want to stick my emotions to a torturous piece of crap like Facebook.

 

I'm already wavering on the FB idea after coming here to post my thoughts, but will somebody please tell me that I'm being a massive bell-end and that I just need to stop pulling the pins out of these emotional hand grenades.

 

In the words of Silent Bob in Chasing Amy "You don't want to know, but just got to know. Typical guy bull****."

 

Fight the thought and temptation. Block her. Or just avoid logging on. Going on will just set you back. And if you do break and check it, just remember, we won't hate you for doing so and we'll support you no matter what.

[leftfield]

Horrible horrible. She's knows your hurting, why must she share that with you? Go NC

 

I know! I really can't understand this person she has become. However, I realise that I don't have to, she's in the past. I have gone fully NC now, blocked her number etc.

 

And I will continue to avoid Facebook (which I think should be officially renamed on this forum as Headf*ck).

 

Thanks for your input everyone. I feel slightly better today, for now