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what do I tell her about her boyfriend

Best of Friends

By Best of Friends
in Business and Professional Relationships

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SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
Posted
I am not trying to posess or get anything out of it.

 

 

 

Sorry, wrong answer!

 

 

It's a well known fact that men do NOT do the "friends with women" solely for the sake of friendship.

 

Now had this been an older, married woman with whom you work, or an older neighbor lady you've known since you were seven, you'd have a chance.

 

But as she is a young hottie we all know that you are jonesing for her yourself.

 

H - O - N - E - S - T - Y... (for a change)

 

 

(and not to us, because we have nothing at stake. Be man enough to tell her how you feel about her)

Mary3 Established Member

Mary3

Posted
Posted
Sorry, wrong answer!

 

 

It's a well known fact that men do NOT do the "friends with women" solely for the sake of friendship.

 

Now had this been an older, married woman with whom you work, or an older neighbor lady you've known since you were seven, you'd have a chance.

 

But as she is a young hottie we all know that you are jonesing for her yourself.

 

H - O - N - E - S - T - Y... (for a change)

 

 

(and not to us, because we have nothing at stake. Be man enough to tell her how you feel about her)

 

I gotta agree with SincereOnline Guy ! Everything he posted here.

 

OP you did make veiled references to being interested in this girl. You may think we don't see through it but we do.

 

Please if you want something never act like a BUDDY ! I don't know how to pound that through your head !

 

Kiss of Death = Let me be your buddy

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Best of Friends Member

Best of Friends

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Dear Mary3 and Sincere;

 

You are not helpful, and you are not seeing through anything. It seems to me you are blinder by a one-tract mind guided by hormones. Let me get this clear for you--I am gay and I don't go near a hoo-hoo.

 

Sorry about the bluntness, but I was hopping I would get better advice than what you are saying. I am sked for advice, not suppressed wild sexual fantasy in the work place. You got it waaaay wrong.

Mary3 Established Member

Mary3

Posted
Posted (edited)
Dear Mary3 and Sincere;

 

You are not helpful, and you are not seeing through anything. It seems to me you are blinder by a one-tract mind guided by hormones. Let me get this clear for you--I am gay and I don't go near a hoo-hoo.

 

Sorry about the bluntness, but I was hopping I would get better advice than what you are saying. I am sked for advice, not suppressed wild sexual fantasy in the work place. You got it waaaay wrong.

 

Whaaaaaaaaa !! :lmao:

 

Okay you are not gay , you are gay. Okay.

 

Have you ever had any hoo hoo ??

 

Okay I can see that you likely have no sexual feelings for her.

 

Why can't sex be a one track mind thing ? I think about it all the time !

 

Embrace your identity !

 

I have absolutely no problem if you are gay , not gay , have 3 green horns or no green horns.

 

Sorry I could not help you.

Edited by Mary3
MissMayhem New Member

MissMayhem

Posted
Posted
Dear Mary3 and Sincere;

 

You are not helpful, and you are not seeing through anything. It seems to me you are blinder by a one-tract mind guided by hormones. Let me get this clear for you--I am gay and I don't go near a hoo-hoo.

 

Sorry about the bluntness, but I was hopping I would get better advice than what you are saying. I am sked for advice, not suppressed wild sexual fantasy in the work place. You got it waaaay wrong.

 

AND yet you've CHOSEN to ignore the "better" advice I've given you, sir. Why is that? I only questioned your too intense interest in this young girl's private life to the extent that you would post about it here. Does she have any idea her employer is posting about her private life for all the world to see, private thoughts and feelings she's trusted you with? I have to say that really bothers me. It's one thing to post about our own life....... Please go back and reread my responses to you.

 

And forgive me for saying this, but you sound very immature for a gentleman in his 50s. Hmmmm.... Or is english maybe a second language for you? Especially doubting things after reading the above post and sentences from some of your other posts like this one - but I am interjecting too much of myself into this 22 year's life . Sounds like YOU have a lot of unresolved issues that you are projecting on to her. I would suggest you get things worked out for yourself before you attempt to help someone else "work' things out.

 

Based upon your comments about your own experiences, I've given you very wise advice, indeed - I stress again - you need to BUTT OUT of this girl's life. Or maybe the reason you've ignored my advice is because it isn't what you wanted to hear? Seriously, man, you need to leave this girl alone.

SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

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Posted
My friend at work is great and I like her very much. We are very different, but it works. She is 22 and in love with this guy that is treating her poorly. He is not very attentive to her, and treats her like a prop. They both are very religious and adhere to the protocol of their faiths. But here's the thing. I met him and I think he is gay. Should I tell her?

 

She has ALOT of family input, more than she can handle. After a few months of dating the "gay" boyfriend has made himself very chummy with her parents and siblings and is spending independant time with all of them. He is involved with the church and activities with her. Sometimes he spends more time with his charity work than with my friend. I just do not know what to do. I am afraid of intrfering and being wrong.

 

I know men who are gay and are married, and the whole thing is gross. I just will be heart-broken if she end up ten years from now like one of those women married to a guy like that. I especially do not want to interfer unwanted, and then end up taking the blame and destroying our friendship. And then again what king of friend would I be? I do not know her parents or sibs to get their input. What should I do?

 

 

Really? The whole thing???

 

 

So the new interpretation of the same underlying reality is that you want to bang the "... gay... gross... guy like that".

 

 

You're surely a "king of a friend".

 

 

 

As to what you should do:

 

 

Run for congress in Idaho or in one of many other suitable states.

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Best of Friends Member

Best of Friends

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I really don't get it. I've been attacked from every side. Is it because the responders can't form any coherent thought besides toxicity. If intellect were a well, I would die of thirst around here. Maybe you guys should pack it up and let someone else talk.

Green Established Member

Green

Posted
Posted
I really don't get it. I've been attacked from every side. Is it because the responders can't form any coherent thought besides toxicity. If intellect were a well, I would die of thirst around here. Maybe you guys should pack it up and let someone else talk.

 

I would never be on here wondering "what do I tell her about her boyfriend" because I live a drama free life where I respect people and their decisions on who to date/marry ect. But you go ahead and keep questioning peoples sexualities and relationship status's. You truely are a "rare" intellect.

Mary3 Established Member

Mary3

Posted
Posted
Oh please, can all you woman get a grip of yourselves. The guy is trying to help someone that may eventually need it and has said on several occasions that it is nothing but, platonic. I'm disgusted in the approach you have towards this guy. Grow up the lot of you, not all men are out there to do something bad, you all deserve a mouth full... of fist.

 

Best of Friends I totally hear you buddy.

 

I am female myself and probably young enough to be your daughter also... In that situation I'd want someone to tell me... maybe do it anonymously. At the end of the day you aren't hurting anyone. If the signs are clear whether you have "hard proof" evidence or not, it is so obvious in some cases. It is true that you could also let her see on her own... but if it were me, I'd want something said to me.

In some cases, especially when their is a strong religious view, guys tend to find it hard to come out of the closet. They see themselves as a disgrace.

 

My cousin married a guy and after 2 years of being married, she wanted to start a family... them being quite religious themselves only "did it" so to speak to reproduce.

Long story short, he couldn't get it up to have sex with her, and after a year and a half of trying (on several occasions) and 3.5 years of marriage, he eventually told her he couldn't get it up because he didn't find woman attractive and had no other way out of it as he was married and literally had to face the facts.

 

What a waste of time. Poor girl I say.

 

 

Anyhow, do as you please, but try keep yourself invisible... there are so many ways to find out the truth in little time, it's just the figuring out how to do it part.

I think you're doing a good thing by standing up for her, as she seems pretty innocent and naive.

 

And again to all the pathetic woman (and men) attacking this poor guy, shut up, really!

 

You're disgusting me.

 

That was a direct attack . I reported you to the Moderators.

 

Have a nice day.

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Best of Friends Member

Best of Friends

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You see what I see. I hate to see someone hurt. Your comment is constructive and helpful. I like to see more comments of this caliber from both sides, agreeing or disagreeing. But I do not welcome comments that are just toxic and are attacking me personally.

CLC2008 Established Member

CLC2008

Posted
Posted

I don’t see any proof based on what you’ve written that supports your “assumption”. You’re co-workers, not child hood friends and or friends outside of work.

 

Since you work together, I think the best course of action, would be to not ask her questions that aren’t work related, and if she comes to you for advice, tell her that it is simply not your place.

 

No one likes to see someone they care about, get hurt, and unless she is being beaten or abused, her relationship with her boyfriend, really isn't something you need to be a part of.

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Best of Friends Member

Best of Friends

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It would be such a disappointment to quit our friendship and be acquaintances again just because we are coworkers. So many people I know have friends from work. It's sad to think that coworkers have to stay at a distance and never be friends. Isn't it common to go for an after work "girls night out". I see it happening all the time, gossiping or maybe having fun. Is that now not permitted. Should it always be professional. To me that does not sound very realistic or plausible. I have met most of my best friend through work and nothing improper has occurred; as a matter of fact I have met some really special people. hummn...I don't know

CLC2008 Established Member

CLC2008

Posted
Posted
It would be such a disappointment to quit our friendship and be acquaintances again just because we are coworkers. So many people I know have friends from work. It's sad to think that coworkers have to stay at a distance and never be friends. Isn't it common to go for an after work "girls night out". I see it happening all the time, gossiping or maybe having fun. Is that now not permitted. Should it always be professional. To me that does not sound very realistic or plausible. I have met most of my best friend through work and nothing improper has occurred; as a matter of fact I have met some really special people. hummn...I don't know

 

Of course they can. But, that wasn't your original question...

 

Your original question, was: "what do I tell her about her boyfriend".

 

And most (except one poster :cool:), believe that your co-worker's relationship with her boyfriend, is between the two of them.

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Best of Friends Member

Best of Friends

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Dear CLC2008,

 

But she is seeking my advice, so it is she who trusts me to give her my honest opinion. What you are saying is if someone is in a relationship, then they are in an airtight bell-jar and they can never talk and take advice from anyone...including friends?

I am not snooping around trying to spy on her, she has come up with some concerns about her boyfriend that smack of someone who is gay, and I feel I should not be the one to mention it, but I do feel I am betraying her trust.

Do friends turn their back so easy? Is there no moral responsibility? She is my friend, whether some think that friendships can never occur in the workplace, and she is asking for my advice. Does anyone understand how difficult this is!

CLC2008 Established Member

CLC2008

Posted
Posted
Dear CLC2008,

 

But she is seeking my advice, so it is she who trusts me to give her my honest opinion. What you are saying is if someone is in a relationship, then they are in an airtight bell-jar and they can never talk and take advice from anyone...including friends?

I am not snooping around trying to spy on her, she has come up with some concerns about her boyfriend that smack of someone who is gay, and I feel I should not be the one to mention it, but I do feel I am betraying her trust.

Do friends turn their back so easy? Is there no moral responsibility? She is my friend, whether some think that friendships can never occur in the workplace, and she is asking for my advice. Does anyone understand how difficult this is!

 

Yeah but your original question was on the basis of you thinking whether or not he is gay. I mean that sounds a little ridiculous.

 

I understand being friends with someone, and confiding in them and yes you want to help them but unless she straight out asks you, "do you think my boyfriend is gay", who are you to say anything to her along those lines?

 

Do friends turn their backs that easy? Yes some do. None of my true friends have, I guess that's why I have been friends with them for as long as I have. :)

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Best of Friends Member

Best of Friends

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So CLC2008

 

If one of your friends had a strong suspicion that your boyfriend/husband was gay, would you not want to know about what they thought? Even if it were not true, wouldn't you want to have the opportunity of checking out for yourself? Do you prefer keeping it superficial with friends and staying ignorant about important things? It sounds like a big batch of denial. I am still not convinced with your argument.

If my friends talked about stuff that I want to hear, then I would have a bunch of yes-friends. I think good friends lookout for each other.

I feel like if I say something to my friend and they end up breaking up, I don't believe I would be responsible for it. It would only mean that she agreed and took a pass on the guy because she saw what I saw. What's wrong with that.

Mary3 Established Member

Mary3

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I have good * gay~dar * ...

 

I can spot pretty quickly a gay guy.

 

Except Rock Hudson had me stumped....

CLC2008 Established Member

CLC2008

Posted
Posted
So CLC2008

 

If one of your friends had a strong suspicion that your boyfriend/husband was gay, would you not want to know about what they thought? Even if it were not true, wouldn't you want to have the opportunity of checking out for yourself? Do you prefer keeping it superficial with friends and staying ignorant about important things? It sounds like a big batch of denial. I am still not convinced with your argument.

If my friends talked about stuff that I want to hear, then I would have a bunch of yes-friends. I think good friends lookout for each other.

I feel like if I say something to my friend and they end up breaking up, I don't believe I would be responsible for it. It would only mean that she agreed and took a pass on the guy because she saw what I saw. What's wrong with that.

 

This isn't about me. This is about you. If you want to tell her, then go ahead. We've all shared our thoughts on the matter, ultimately though, the choice is yours.

DeeLaRenta New Member

DeeLaRenta

Posted
Posted

Oh please, can all you woman get a grip of yourselves. The guy is trying to help someone that may eventually need it and has said on several occasions that it is nothing but, platonic. I'm disgusted in the approach you have towards this guy. Grow up the lot of you, not all men are out there to do something bad, you all deserve a mouth full... of fist.

 

Best of Friends I totally hear you buddy.

 

I am female myself and probably young enough to be your daughter also... In that situation I'd want someone to tell me... maybe do it anonymously. At the end of the day you aren't hurting anyone. If the signs are clear whether you have "hard proof" evidence or not, it is so obvious in some cases. It is true that you could also let her see on her own... but if it were me, I'd want something said to me.

In some cases, especially when their is a strong religious view, guys tend to find it hard to come out of the closet. They see themselves as a disgrace.

 

My cousin married a guy and after 2 years of being married, she wanted to start a family... them being quite religious themselves only "did it" so to speak to reproduce.

Long story short, he couldn't get it up to have sex with her, and after a year and a half of trying (on several occasions) and 3.5 years of marriage, he eventually told her he couldn't get it up because he didn't find woman attractive and had no other way out of it as he was married and literally had to face the facts.

 

What a waste of time. Poor girl I say.

 

 

Anyhow, do as you please, but try keep yourself invisible... there are so many ways to find out the truth in little time, it's just the figuring out how to do it part.

I think you're doing a good thing by standing up for her, as she seems pretty innocent and naive.

 

And again to all the pathetic woman (and men) attacking this poor guy, stuff your cake hole, really!

 

You're disgusting me.

Green Established Member

Green

Posted
Posted
Oh please, can all you woman get a grip of yourselves. The guy is trying to help someone that may eventually need it and has said on several occasions that it is nothing but, platonic. I'm disgusted in the approach you have towards this guy. Grow up the lot of you, not all men are out there to do something bad, you all deserve a mouth full... of fist.

 

Best of Friends I totally hear you buddy.

 

I am female myself and probably young enough to be your daughter also... In that situation I'd want someone to tell me... maybe do it anonymously. At the end of the day you aren't hurting anyone. If the signs are clear whether you have "hard proof" evidence or not, it is so obvious in some cases. It is true that you could also let her see on her own... but if it were me, I'd want something said to me.

In some cases, especially when their is a strong religious view, guys tend to find it hard to come out of the closet. They see themselves as a disgrace.

 

My cousin married a guy and after 2 years of being married, she wanted to start a family... them being quite religious themselves only "did it" so to speak to reproduce.

Long story short, he couldn't get it up to have sex with her, and after a year and a half of trying (on several occasions) and 3.5 years of marriage, he eventually told her he couldn't get it up because he didn't find woman attractive and had no other way out of it as he was married and literally had to face the facts.

 

What a waste of time. Poor girl I say.

 

 

Anyhow, do as you please, but try keep yourself invisible... there are so many ways to find out the truth in little time, it's just the figuring out how to do it part.

I think you're doing a good thing by standing up for her, as she seems pretty innocent and naive.

 

And again to all the pathetic woman (and men) attacking this poor guy, stuff your cake hole, really!

 

You're disgusting me.

 

You seem pretty naive and disgustable. Oh and I'm a man so I guess none of what you wrote applies to me. Good luck with your anger and growing up (as you addmitted to being young and it shows)

 

The OP should just stay out of it as he put in the post the girls family already met the guy and really it would be rude for him to accuse some young guy of being gay in disguise.

Mary3 Established Member

Mary3

Posted
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I think DeeLaRenta is : Best of Friends.

Tayla Established Member

Tayla

Posted
Posted
You seem pretty naive and disgustable. Oh and I'm a man so I guess none of what you wrote applies to me. Good luck with your anger and growing up (as you addmitted to being young and it shows)

 

The OP should just stay out of it as he put in the post the girls family already met the guy and really it would be rude for him to accuse some young guy of being gay in disguise.

 

Yes once when I was young someone called me a homosapian! The nerve of such person. Luckily they can call a human whatever they want its how one interprets it whether its an insult or a matter of fact.

 

And yes some of the posters are making assumptions based off of a person simply because of the gender/age and not the topic at hand.

JamieA Established Member

JamieA

Posted
Posted
That was a direct attack . I reported you to the Moderators.

 

Have a nice day.

 

Thanks for quoting the post for the rest of us to read. :laugh: Outside of the personal attacks, I agree w/ DeeLaRenta.

JamieA Established Member

JamieA

Posted
Posted
You seem pretty naive and disgustable. Oh and I'm a man so I guess none of what you wrote applies to me. Good luck with your anger and growing up (as you addmitted to being young and it shows)

 

The OP should just stay out of it as he put in the post the girls family already met the guy and really it would be rude for him to accuse some young guy of being gay in disguise.

 

And again to all the pathetic woman (and men) attacking this poor guy

 

Ooops guess again! LoL

SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
Posted

There is something that I should divulge right now that I did not consider important. I am her boss and owner of a small practice, and she is probably the most valuable employee in the office. She has been with the practice now five years, and is too valuable to take a chance. I am afraid it might explode in my face, and I loose someone that I depend on very much.

 

 

I am gay and I don't go near a hoo-hoo.

 

 

My parents and a previous relationship have been similar, and this may true for this 22 year old woman. That is, I have found that a few women like thier man a little "gay". My mother was like that, and so was my ex-spouse. Both were "strong" women, and ofcourse we were submisive men. I don't know about my father, but as for me, I felt there was a monster inside of me, and it needed to be punished. Me ex-spouse was happy to ablidge. I think she took advantage of my guilt and I was happy to be dominated.

 

 

It would be such a disappointment to quit our friendship and be acquaintances again just because we are coworkers. So many people I know have friends from work. It's sad to think that coworkers have to stay at a distance and never be friends. Isn't it common to go for an after work "girls night out".

 

 

Man, does this never end?

 

We now have the "gay male boss" wanting to include himself on the "girls night out" at work!

 

They only do that in Massachusetts, Vermont, and in some months California.

 

You've already gone on record as an untrustworthy, irresponsible (person) in your personal life, and now you want to bring those traits into the workplace with regard to one of your subordinates. You are projecting your personal past onto someone who has nothing to do with it. These are your issues, not hers.

 

You are meddling where you do not belong!! How many times do you need to hear that, from many different sources, before you get it?

 

When done to a peer this is inappropriate social meddling but when done to a subordinate your behavior could land you in major legal trouble. Butt out already!!

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