dng Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Long story short, my ex moved out of our appartment and out of my life something like 4 months ago now. The problem is that's she's not letting go of me. She calls or texts me every 2-3 days. I've tried NC for weeks at a time, she never stops. I tried yelling at her, I tried emailing her that she left and its over, she has to accept it, but she seems to be stuck in a push-pull nightmare. I've only seen her once in all this time, last week she decided to come to my city (she moved to a city 250 kilometers east of mine) and spend an evening and a night with me. We had dinner and she told me she had met someone that she could be interested in but that nothing happened because she wasnt ready emotionally. I took it OK and didnt ask too many questions, I told her I also had been seeing someone but I had to end it because that someone wanted a relationship with me and I'm not ready for that. We went to bed but she refused to have sex with me, she pleaded it would make her feel close to me and would make her suffer afterwards, and would confuse her decision. I woke up super frustrated and we had a fight over that someone she met. She tried to call me many times during the day but I refused her calls and said some stupid things. I felt super jaleous because she left me, doesnt want to come back but doesnt want to let me go either so I'm always in limbo. So she left asking me to think things over the weekend and we would talk about if we should get back together or not on the next monday. So I left for a summer cottage for the weekend with my phone turned off and boy I had a hard time processing all that new information. I came back ready to give it a shot but she pre-empted me and told me to consider our breakup final, and that she didnt consider me her boyfriend anymore (really? after 4 months?). So I accepted this answer once again. She began texting me the next day but I sent her a short note saying something like "I respect your decision. Please let me be. If we are meant to be, it will eventually happen but in the mean time just leave me alone and dont try to contact me". That was 2 days ago. After that she went nuts, texting me "I love you and I regret what I said". This coming weekend is my bday and she says she wants to spend it with me. I was miserable after she left the last time and I know that sometimes thing will evolve super quickly, I dont want to know if something happened with that dude (good luck with the rebound, she's clearly unstable). So I finally picked up and tried to talk her down. I told her I was strong and I can move on. I said to wait until she cools down and she'll realize that seeing me again and being with me is not what she wants anymore. I told her that if she can't commit to me, she has to move on. Seriously. What the hell is happening? Has she gone insane?
DustySaltus Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 You have to say what you mean and mean what you say. With someone like this you need to go NC a minimum of 1 month to really let them feel what life is like without you and vice versa. She feels that she is losing you and doesn't want the guilt. She should feel the guilt because SHE is the one that made the decision.
Author dng Posted September 2, 2010 Author Posted September 2, 2010 I can't get better if she's always in the background. I already stopped something that could have been very healing and good for me because of her. I really love her and I would love have her back but I'm wondering if she is still the same person I fell in love with. Her behavior for the past few months has been very cruel to me. She said so many times that her decision was made and she was coming back, only to change her mind hours later and never show up. She left me in our place which we shared together for years. I don't even know her address anymore. I don't know who she's hanging out with, its all new friends. Its been hell coping with this ****. I gave her an ultimatum today, either commit to me - that doesnt mean move back right away - or leave me be. Of course I haven't heard anything since. I get to thinking she's just fishing for attention. I brought it up several times and she denies it.
bonpaw2008 Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 So sorry that you are going through all of that. She does sound unstable and you don't need that. She doesn't want you but she can't bare the thought of you moving on because that would mean her hold on you is gone. You may need to go to extremes here, figure out how to block her from your phone, or get a new number. Restraining order??? You know this girl is no good for you and you are trying to do the right thing. She broke up with you, she needs to grow up and live with her decisions.
Iselia Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Go NC for a couple of months and see how you feel. See how she feels. Don't let her do this to you. If she wants to be with you again, she needs to mature and have a stable life. This cannot be accomplished with the constant pushing and pulling she's doing. Just go NC for a bit. It will help everyone clear their thoughts.
Author dng Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 Thanks for all the support. It really helps. I started therapy right after she left and that also has been helping alot, trying to figure out why I let her get to me like that. I do realize that I'm doing better when I don't have any contacts with her for a few days, but usually then she starts with a new barrage of calls and texts. It feels like I could draw a map of her emotional state and what's happening in her life just by following the trends of her contact attacks. I also realize that I'm probably better off without her - reminds me of ulysses' song of the sirens. Hard to resist when they call.
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