buckeye Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 It's been a month since the final papers were signed. A 26 year marriage killed in 15 minutes. For a short while I thought I was beginning to heal, but the reality is I've gotten so much worse. I am so utterly alone. I miss my family so much. Even though we fought, I miss her. She seems to be having a fine time with family and friends while I sit here miserable. Like another post I have constant thoughts about her. I talk to my self. I've lost interest in my hobbies, I can't seem to force myself to exercise. I can't write in my journal. I don't want to see the few buddies I have because all I do is talk about her and her new found freedom. I too feel pain in my chest. I feel sick to my stomach. I'm drinking & smoking too much. I'm not sleeping. I'm on the verge of tears for hours. People say in time you'll heal. I don't believe it now. I'm broken. I lost my wife, my kids, my dream home, myself. I don't think I could ever trust again. I'm facing the fact that what time i have left will be alone. I beginning to hope that time will be short. I don't want to live like this.
chocolate_boy Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 It's been a month since the final papers were signed. A 26 year marriage killed in 15 minutes. For a short while I thought I was beginning to heal, but the reality is I've gotten so much worse. I am so utterly alone. I miss my family so much. Even though we fought, I miss her. She seems to be having a fine time with family and friends while I sit here miserable. Like another post I have constant thoughts about her. I talk to my self. I've lost interest in my hobbies, I can't seem to force myself to exercise. I can't write in my journal. I don't want to see the few buddies I have because all I do is talk about her and her new found freedom. I too feel pain in my chest. I feel sick to my stomach. I'm drinking & smoking too much. I'm not sleeping. I'm on the verge of tears for hours. People say in time you'll heal. I don't believe it now. I'm broken. I lost my wife, my kids, my dream home, myself. I don't think I could ever trust again. I'm facing the fact that what time i have left will be alone. I beginning to hope that time will be short. I don't want to live like this. I can't even imagine the pain you're going through right now, but this is your darkest hour, I know it doesn't make any sense now, but one day you'll come out of this stronger than you ever imagined. They'll always be your family, no matter what. You need to take care of yourself, accept that this is beyond your control right now, get plenty of rest, the only way through this is baby-steps, day by day. I know it's easier said than done, but you never know what the future holds for you, don't think too far ahead, worry about getting through today first, today's problems are enough for now. It will get better. You need to be stronger than you ever thought possible, we're all here for you.
GorillaTheater Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Anything I can think of to say somehow seems hollow, like a trite cliche. But it's true nonetheless: keep going, you'll get through this. Keep telling yourself "I can handle it". You're going to have to get tough on yourself. MAKE yourself get out whether you want to or not. Get outside and walk your ass off. And knock off the booze. The last thing you need right now is a depressant. Please keep posting. Pour it out. Like CB said, we're here for you.
ShannonMI Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 It's been a month since the final papers were signed. A 26 year marriage killed in 15 minutes. For a short while I thought I was beginning to heal, but the reality is I've gotten so much worse. I am so utterly alone. I miss my family so much. Even though we fought, I miss her. She seems to be having a fine time with family and friends while I sit here miserable. Like another post I have constant thoughts about her. I talk to my self. I've lost interest in my hobbies, I can't seem to force myself to exercise. I can't write in my journal. I don't want to see the few buddies I have because all I do is talk about her and her new found freedom. I too feel pain in my chest. I feel sick to my stomach. I'm drinking & smoking too much. I'm not sleeping. I'm on the verge of tears for hours. People say in time you'll heal. I don't believe it now. I'm broken. I lost my wife, my kids, my dream home, myself. I don't think I could ever trust again. I'm facing the fact that what time i have left will be alone. I beginning to hope that time will be short. I don't want to live like this. I'm so sorry for the pain you are feeling. I'm feeling the same way. I was with my ex for 8 years. We weren't married, but it was like we were. We broke up about 4 months ago and I still struggle everyday. I just found out this last Sunday, that a week before my ex told me he wanted a break, he was seeing some college girl. I was kind of in the dark about why all of a sudden he wanted to break up as I thought everything was good. Now I know that another girl was involved. I can't tell you how much pain I feel right now. I feel so betrayed. I thought I knew him so well. I trusted him with my life and he lied and cheated on me. The hurt in unbearable right now. I'm hoping it gets better soon. I'm seeing a therapist and that helps. From what you are describing above, it sounds like you are depressed and after what you've been through this is completely understandable. I've suffered from depression most of my life, but have had it under control for years. Since this breakup, my depression has come back with a venegence. Seeking professional help might be something that will help you get through this. Sometimes you can't do it by yourself. Sometimes you need help. There is nothing wrong with that. I am thankful that I'm seeing a therapist. If I wasn't I don't know what I would do.
Author buckeye Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 Thank you all for your support. I'm glad to have found people who understand. BiAx, by losing my kids I meant I don't see them much now.All but one lives away from home and I miss seeing them everyday. As for ruining the marriage,I did my share, but in the end she filed and didn't want to try to work it out. I know I must stop drinking so much and exercise and force myself to get out, but I haven't done much to pull myself up. I just don't seem to care about much. I'm a numb zombie right now. I have to get a grip on myself. I need to think of others and get out of this well of self pity. I know there are millions much worse off than me,
on edge Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I think that you could really benefit from meeting with a therapist. I know that I was stuck in a similar place and therapy really helped pull me through.
GorillaTheater Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I need to think of others and get out of this well of self pity. I know there are millions much worse off than me Yes, there are. Maybe it would do you (and others) good to give those people some of your time. There's a gazillion volunteer opportunities out there, everything from food banks to Habitat for Humanity to reading to young kids at schools. Maybe something like Habitat, which requires hard work but not necessarily a certain skill level (although personally I like volunteering for the local food bank). Might be time to take the focus off yourself for a time. Also a great opportunity to meet people and expand your circle of friends.
skydiveaddict Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I think that you could really benefit from meeting with a therapist. I know that I was stuck in a similar place and therapy really helped pull me through. I agree with this
Author buckeye Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 I'll consider the therapist thing. I don't know if I want their drugs though. I live in a very small town. I don't think they have a habitat for humanity here. I have done a couples of things for the church. Barbecues, and some light carpentry. I'm ok when I'm out, it's being alone in a small apartment that seems to pull me down. I miss the conversation over dinner with my family. I miss watching a comedy and laughing together. Well another weekend is here, I hope you all have a good one.
GorillaTheater Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I'll consider the therapist thing. I don't know if I want their drugs though. I understand that, felt the same way for a long time. But when I was 40 I became very ill, like one-foot-in-the-grave ill. I started to feel badly about not pulling my weight at home and at work and that spiraled into a serious depression that almost did cost me my family and job. Finally got some help, and I wished that I had done so alot sooner. I was only on meds for only a few months until I got my head straight again. Side effects were pretty minimal, and they (combined with a little counseling) helped me regain "normal". I don't regret the counseling and meds for a second. My only regret was waiting so long.
skydiveaddict Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I'll consider the therapist thing. I don't know if I want their drugs though. I would definitely NOT be afraid of drug therapy . Drugs literally kept me from being a basket case after I got home from the war. (along with the talk therapy)
on edge Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 I'll consider the therapist thing. I don't know if I want their drugs though. I live in a very small town. I don't think they have a habitat for humanity here. I have done a couples of things for the church. Barbecues, and some light carpentry. I'm ok when I'm out, it's being alone in a small apartment that seems to pull me down. I miss the conversation over dinner with my family. I miss watching a comedy and laughing together. Well another weekend is here, I hope you all have a good one. Sorry if I wasn't clear. I didn't mean that you needed to start taking medication. I meant that you might benefit from taking to someone. Taking medication is decision that you should make with a doctor.
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