Author kuma Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 'Cause I'm his and he's mine. Nice!! Thanks guys for answering!
TaraMaiden Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 "Most" people don't. Most people start out preferring, favouring and promising a monogamous relationship, but as has been witnessed too many times on this board, it ends in tears, and they don't end on a monogamous note. Cheating is rife, simply because for some reason or another, the relationship the cheater was in, didn't fulfil their needs. Now, we, as humans, can put forward as many psychological, emotional, or situational reasons as we like. if these are all valid, understandable and logical - then why don't people discuss them rationally, and prevent the cheating fall-out? The fundamental reason is - they don't want to. Cheating - and balling someone else - seems preferable at the time. we can call ourselves intellectual, reasoning, logical, "top of the evolutionary ladder" creatures all we like. But take away psychosexual therapists, psychiatrists, counsellors and advisers, take away The Bible, Shakespeare and the oxford Dictionary of Homosapienic adjectives: people phukk someone else, because they're attracted to them, they have something their partner doesn't, and they want it. There really isn't anything simpler, and all the links I posted in the thread about a polyamorous relationship, would underpin these facts, and bear them out. if we remain constant to our partner, then it's usually because we've been once bitten and are twice shy, or because it simply goes so hard and fast against our conditioning, and is so deeply ingrained, that we actively choose to remain faithful. But it's not a natural condition. It's a chosen one. And that's fine, commendable and praiseworthy. Well done, and bless you for that. But don't for one moment make the assumption that you and your partner are faithful because it's natural to be. You're faithful because you WANT to be.
quankanne Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 because juggling relationships, while it may sound interesting and/or fun, gets old. and at some point, you realize there's more to sex than it just being available, and you start wanting that psychological, spiritual bond with someone ...
TaraMaiden Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 And it's usually when one (or both) of you goes off sex, or it becomes less of a priority. But that's a whole new thread!
Dazreiello Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Honestly I witnessed a time being faithful was natural. I was in a relationship at one point and when ever I looked at someone else, that inner thought of seeing myself with anyone else made me incredibly Ill.. it literally made me sick. Though in the end seems like she wasnt the same way so, whatever.
Stung Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 For me, it's multiple reasons. I don't want to deal with worrying about STDs. I have a jealous streak and thinking of my husband with another woman makes me want to throw up. He has the same jealous streak and I respect him and would never want to hurt him. I want my marriage/family to be stable, with our emotional, romantic, and sexual energy concentrated in an endlessly recycling and hopefully strengthening feedback loop uninterrupted by other arrivals and departures. I think having secondary partners can be distracting from the primary relationship, draining it of time and energy. I don't want to deal with the drama other partners would likely bring into a relationship, just keeping up with the emotional health of a marriage between two people can be exhausting, I don't even want to think about having to air out issues with more people involved. I can understand being physically attracted to other people and sometimes I think I might be willing to entertain a polyandrous relationship --but that wouldn't fly with my husband anymore than a polygynous relationship would fly with me, unsurprisingly. Realistically since I personally have a hard time acheiving orgasm with someone I'm not emotionally connected to, I know that sex with others wouldn't be very satisfying anyway, unless there was a relationship there--and I just can't imagine actually feeling amorous and emotional with anybody but my husband, so the polyandry thing wouldn't really work anyway even if he was open to it. My emotional focus doesn't split that way, and I don't want his emotional focus split partly away from me, either. I have friends who are polyamorous or swingers and if it works for them I'm happy for them, I don't judge it as a negative thing objectively--but I'm pretty sure it would never work for me, emotionally. And infidelity brings up a host of other problems and issues of deceit and betrayal that I hope my husband and I both have too much integrity for.
Dazreiello Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I personally have insecurities of when ever I get into a relationship that she wouldnt enjoy an idea of having another man involved, just like I cant exactly stand thinking about another woman being involved, I honestly cant imagine myself with 2 at all. I know these things I probably shouldnt worry about but if my loved one ever thinks about it/ considers it, I'll just always feel like I, myself, am not doing good enough or that it may lead to her being unfaithful in a long run.. I'm all for monogamous as a male, thinking otherwise weather it be with another man or even a woman makes me sick (mostly with another man involved for obvious reasons).
Citizen Erased Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 'Cause I'm his and he's mine. Exactly. Also, I don't want anyone else. I know when someone is attractive, but I don't want them. Which isn't bad considering we've been in a LDR for about 10 months and he makes me horny as hell. There's of course the STD's reason, stability, family etc reasons but essentially my body, my heart and my mind is with him. The thought of anyone else with him or with me is incredibly unappealing.
threebyfate Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Nice!! Thanks. Exactly. Also, I don't want anyone else. I know when someone is attractive, but I don't want them. Which isn't bad considering we've been in a LDR for about 10 months and he makes me horny as hell. There's of course the STD's reason, stability, family etc reasons but essentially my body, my heart and my mind is with him. The thought of anyone else with him or with me is incredibly unappealing.You KNOW when someone gets you, where they can complete your sentences, understand where you're coming from, where they're on the same wavelength as you are. Nothing else matters! As far as being blind, who is? It's normal to notice but if it detracts from your relationship, that's when two people have a problem. I don't see that happening with Pyro and you. You're well suited.
Woggle Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Because they don't have what it takes to live a player lifestyle.
LoveLace Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Ultimately I think most people want to end up with someone who will just never leave their side no matter what and be there until the end. We practice finding that person through monogamy.
Stung Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Ultimately I think most people want to end up with someone who will just never leave their side no matter what and be there until the end. We practice finding that person through monogamy. Nice and succinct.
threebyfate Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Ultimately I think most people want to end up with someone who will just never leave their side no matter what and be there until the end. We practice finding that person through monogamy.I disagree. I don't believe in "no matter what" since if for some crazy reason my husband starts becoming abusive or cheats, that I will stay with him. The reverse would hold true.
CupidsPosionedArrow Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Any thoughts? This thread really just shows how people are shaped by their own feelings and social customs. Few critical problems with this thread: Despite our experiences in the west, historically 80-85% of human societies were not monogomus. Also, we act as if what we feel is true, that since people get married it's a concious thing. Also, there are varying degrees and types of bonding so, this argument makes an assuption of total exclusivity. Another thing, it's a biological function, our brains were wired through the dopamine reward circut to be this way. The better question would probably be why some species of animals have this trait.
TaraMaiden Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 This thread really just shows how people are shaped by their own feelings and social customs. Exactly. And an awful lot of the points put forward come from an emotional base. And an emotional base is completely unstable and unreliable, because it's transitory. Emotions may describe how you're feeling, but they don't define who you are. Therefore no matter how noble, how romantic, how sincere such declarations may be - they only hold water for as long as those feelings last. And emotions can't be sustained permanently. Despite our experiences in the west, historically 80-85% of human societies were not monogomus. Also, we act as if what we feel is true, that since people get married it's a concious thing. Also, there are varying degrees and types of bonding so, this argument makes an assuption of total exclusivity. Another thing, it's a biological function, our brains were wired through the dopamine reward circut to be this way. The better question would probably be why some species of animals have this trait. 'Species' being the operative word. Many birds, for example, are definitely monogamous. Mammals, for the greatest part - are not.
Dazreiello Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 (edited) Exactly. And an awful lot of the points put forward come from an emotional base. And an emotional base is completely unstable and unreliable, because it's transitory. Emotions may describe how you're feeling, but they don't define who you are. Therefore no matter how noble, how romantic, how sincere such declarations may be - they only hold water for as long as those feelings last. And emotions can't be sustained permanently.Well from self and other observation I have another opinion on that. Our emotions come from our brains, incase we've forgotten, this changes how we behave, what we like and dislike and even how we feel physically. There are a rare hand full of people who really are completely faithful without so much of a passing thought that they 'might be better with someone else' or 'that other woman/man may be interesting'. through out evolution humans are still mammals and have their ancient animosities, though some have evolved to have their desires controlled physically and subconsciously by 'emotions'. chemical pathways can affect other chemical pathways, they shape our very being in almost every way. To some people these things become permanent, working the same way as a mental condition does, It just waits for that trigger. Then again everything here is opinion, even your statements. Quite honestly I believe no one will never really know. I know hormones are the most underestimated forces in the universe, but so are other factors that focuses your every and all attention toward an individual, via supreme loyalty. All opinions. Edited September 4, 2010 by Dazreiello corrected a portion of a sentence that was throwing my point off.
Joe Normal Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Any thoughts? Avoidance of jealousy and drama. Much less chance of STDs. Lots of regular sex on a plate. Love. Not having to waste time dating or chasing members of the opposite sex. Knowing what sort of person you are in a relationship with. Being able to build up trust and loyalty. Why go out and pay for junk food when you can stay home and get steak for free?
Joe Normal Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 if we remain constant to our partner, then it's usually because we've been once bitten and are twice shy, or because it simply goes so hard and fast against our conditioning, and is so deeply ingrained, that we actively choose to remain faithful. But it's not a natural condition. It's a chosen one. And that's fine, commendable and praiseworthy. Well done, and bless you for that. But don't for one moment make the assumption that you and your partner are faithful because it's natural to be. You're faithful because you WANT to be. Do you have any supporting evidence for this claim? How do you know it's not natural for some people to be monogamous?
Joe Normal Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Because they don't have what it takes to live a player lifestyle. Not true, some players prefer to cool things off and settle down eventually. A player is a man who hasn't met the right woman yet.
LoveLace Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 I disagree. I don't believe in "no matter what" since if for some crazy reason my husband starts becoming abusive or cheats, that I will stay with him. The reverse would hold true. I am of course, only referring to healthy relationships. Obviously if there's any cheating, abuse, so on and so forth, the monogamy rule is broken and we continue to practice it by moving on to the next person. And the ultimate goal is to find the "no matter what" that doesn't include the things that sabotage a relationship. We are monogamous with one person after another until "no matter what" actually happens with one of them. In a situation like you describe that is simply the goal not being reached...for most people anyway. In some situations, even cheating or other acts of betrayal, people do forgive and work things out...and become capable of "no matter what" after all. I'm visualizing The Notebook thing here. It might be a tad exaggerrated or unrealistic, but I think ultimately this is the kind of scenario we all hope to end up with. And by having monogamous relationships we eventually hope to get there.
threebyfate Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 I am of course, only referring to healthy relationships. Obviously if there's any cheating, abuse, so on and so forth, the monogamy rule is broken and we continue to practice it by moving on to the next person. And the ultimate goal is to find the "no matter what" that doesn't include the things that sabotage a relationship. We are monogamous with one person after another until "no matter what" actually happens with one of them. In a situation like you describe that is simply the goal not being reached...for most people anyway. In some situations, even cheating or other acts of betrayal, people do forgive and work things out...and become capable of "no matter what" after all. I'm visualizing The Notebook thing here. It might be a tad exaggerrated or unrealistic, but I think ultimately this is the kind of scenario we all hope to end up with. And by having monogamous relationships we eventually hope to get there.I really disliked the Notebook and its premise. I wanted to smack her upside the head for dragging two men into her unnecessary drama. Silly twit. Never even finished watching it. ----------------------------------------------------------------- As far as monogamy being a social construct, refer to vasopressin and the impact on men of having none to multiple copies of the gene section called RS3 334 (allele 334). The greater the number of copies, the less likely the man remains monogamous. ----------------------------------------------------------------- In my opinion, monogamy is all about emotion and everything else is moot. To me, using science or logic to explain monogamy, is like trying to explain the emotional impact of buying a 1 lb bag of flour. Ain't gonna' happen.
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