Don't get why I'm so upset

[chocolate_boy]

Well I think I may sill have unresolved issues from my past, I was in a very abusive relationship 3 years ago, and I've not dated/looked at anyone since.

 

Then few months ago, a very cute new girl starts where I work, she hints she's interested, and I was kinda shocked that someone so pretty and sweet could like me, asked her out, we had two weeks of great dates together, had sex, cuddling, holding hands etc, she told me she has the best time with me and nobody makes her laugh like I do in years. However I got a bit too clingy I think and scared her off, I also got drunk and said a few things I shouldn't have, I've missed her the last few days, and text her two nights ago, she said in all honesty she felt something didn't click, and we can have a joke together at work but lets leave it at that.

 

I felt like my heart had been ripped out and stomped on. I text her back and probably was a little blunt, and said "fine you see you around". She then tells me I'm being nasty and guilt tripping her. Feels weird though when we only had like 6 weeks (including the crushes/flirting) of romantic involvement, but this feels like a proper breakup, I'm really upset. I can barely drag myself out of bed, and not eating/sleeping, just thinking about her 24/7 at moment.

 

Luckily we don't have to work together all that often, next time I'll see her will probably be in three weeks. But part of me is kicking myself for being a jerk and scaring her off, because she's the first girl I've even remotely liked since 2007. I think my last relationship really scarred me deeper than I probably know (involved her cheating multiple times, physical abuse, drugs - my ex had BPD/Bi-Polar).

 

Do you think I'm really hurting because of this girl, or more beating myself up here? It's bad, I'm even thinking of quitting my job so I don't have to see her again.

 

I'm just so pissed off at myself that getting drunk and saying some dumb stuff totally put her off me when it was going so well. I was asking her if she's seeing other dudes etc, she said I was acting needy. I know that was so stupid, but after my ex cheated on me with so many guys, maybe I'm just scared.

 

Another part of me wonders if it's just because it's the first bit of female interest I've had in almost 3 years, when I first met her I thought she was pretty, but it wasn't until I knew she had a crush on me that I started to feel it back. She is a beautiful girl, but not totally my type. Maybe I've just been lonely and it's the affection I miss, not her. It is odd that just a few months ago I felt like I might finally be ready to see girls again, then all of a sudden she comes along. She even told me she thought I had a girlfriend, so did everyone else because I gave off "not-available" vibes.

 

I dunno, I'm really confused over this, I'd love another chance with her but I think I've totally blown it now, but another part of me just doesn't want to date anyone else or let anyone close to me ever again, feeling like this is the worst feeling in the world.

Edited September 2, 2010 by chocolate_boy

[spriggig]

You screwed up, you fell too fast, let your imagination run, became clingy, seemed needy and I would guess even talked about your ex.

 

Then to top it off you got hurt and defensive AND TOLD HER SO when she dropped you. This screams immaturity and points to a controlling personality.

 

Remember, the one who needs the relationship LESS is the one in power. But, if that balance is tilted too far to one side or the other, it all falls apart. Generally, relationships fail because you pay too much attention or not enough. In this case you paid way too much attention way too soon.

 

Go NC with this girl, depending on what you said at the end, she MIGHT come back around someday, but only after both of you date someone else for awhile, but probably not.

 

Live and learn.

[chocolate_boy]

Dude I know I screwed up, and to be honest it's boozing that caused it, so I'm laying off drinking for a while.

 

She wasn't perfect either, she kept accusing me of ignoring her if we didn't speak for a day, would intentionally ignore me I assume to punish me. I guess it was unhealthy in that respect.

 

I'm not holding any delusions of being with her again, infact I'd rather never see her again than what I face, which is seeing her at work.

 

I think I was being manipulative though, which worries me because I never used to be. At the end she thought I blamed her for it all, which I don't, infact I blame myself, I even told her I messed it all up by saying stupid stuff when I was drunk.

 

Either way, prob way too much drama for such a short thing.

 

I'm just worried why I acted like that, did I intentionally try to push her away or maybe we just were not on the same page, and why do I feel so bad now?