Lemontang Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 (edited) Continuing from my last thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t243952/ with regards to thanking people for the breakup. It also got me thinking about the returning of certain gifts as well. Now I'm not talking like returning flowers or chocolates etc... but as an example; A girl I just broke up with who is great mind you and we hold no animosity towards each other, gave me a gift I'd normally not give until I'd been with them for quite a bit of time and not within the 1st few weeks of the official relationship especially. In short it was a rally car drivers course (I am a rally car fan), worth a few hundred. Now I was a little uncomfortable on getting this in the 1st place because it really was a big thing in my book for something so early in a relationship. But of course now that we are broken up I feel even more so uncomfortable using this gift and have been considering returning it. So my question is should I return this gift given the weight of it? and have you ever had a similar dilemma? Edited September 2, 2010 by Lemontang
Eeyore79 Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 I'd be inclined to give it back. She gave it to you with the expectation of the relationship continuing, so now you've broken up, the decent thing to do is to at least offer to return it. If it was a less expensive present I'd say just keep it, but expensive presents really need to be returned.
PegNosePete Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 I would use it. She gave it to you when you were together, it was a present. If I had given someone a gift such as this and then broken up, I wouldn't expect it back. If she expects it back, then she gave it to you for the wrong reasons.
Author Lemontang Posted September 2, 2010 Author Posted September 2, 2010 Yeah I was a bit shocked when I got it since the relationship was so fresh. She brought a few other semi expensive gifts for me like a few bottles of wine when she was interstate for a week. Money for her though comes easy as her parents are 'very' well off and she runs a fairly successful business , so it's kind of loose change to her really. She was also the one to end it however (which I am fine with). But to use this actual gift I'm not comfortable with as it's the kind of gift I feel one should share with the person who gave it to you. Hence me thinking it's best to return it. I doubt she'd ever ask for it back as we both respect each other a great deal. But it doesn't feel right to use outside of a relationship that has run it's course.
PegNosePete Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 If you don't feel right using it, then return it. But IMO you have a right to use it without feeling bad because it was given as a gift. Not really sure what you're asking with this thread... seems your mind is already made up!
Author Lemontang Posted September 2, 2010 Author Posted September 2, 2010 Yeah I spose when I put it into words I kind of have. But Would still like to hear from others that have had similar issues and how they dealt with it.
Author Lemontang Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 Well just an update I returned it (well dropped it off in a box with other stuff of hers with a note stating that I'm not comfortable using this gift now that we'd run our course), needless to say I received a short message stating she was offended by my returning of it. Haven't bothered to reply even though we hold no animosity towards each other but I did ask her I felt it was best to go NC for a short while. So I spose should I respond based on her being offended, or just leave it as it is?
Simon Attwood Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 we hold no animosity towards each other You've said this more than once, yet this is not the impression you are giving. What is she going to do with a rally driving course?
Author Lemontang Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 (edited) I can assure you that we don't hold any towards each other. But for me I do think with all relationships when you break up you should part ways on all levels for awhile, so as to give both parties a chance to reflect before moving back into the friend zone at the very least. As for the gift I hope she or someone from her crowd might. She's heavily involved in motorsports (especially 4x4 racing). Edited September 4, 2010 by Lemontang adding extra info
Simon Attwood Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 I can assure you that we don't hold any towards each other. You can assure me all you like. I'm an impartial observer without an agenda or bias on the matter and I am telling you what I am perceiving. If you'd said it once, I might have overlooked it, the fact that you felt you had to restate it suggests to me that the need to reaffirm is covering some bitterness that you are not admitting to yourself. Perhaps not consciously, but you knew that giving the gift back would cause offence and I would suggest that was the unconscious intent.
Author Lemontang Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 I do tend to have a habit of reaffirming a point ;P. But from my previous article I did note that I was somewhat relieved we had broken up, so was some what indifferent if we continued or not. I found the gravity of the gift in the 1st place uncomfortable to accept initially as the relationship was so new and to me it was a pretty full on gift. So even before the relationship ran it's course I was a little uncomfortable with it, now doubled by the relationship coming to a close. So no offense was meant on returning it, though in doing so was clearly given.
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