I'v f***ing had enough of this

[BigProc]

Its 5.50am in England. I'm about to set off for my ****ty, physical, outdoor job which i hate. I'v had another crap night sleep where i'v been dreaming of my ex. When I woke up this morning i felt terrible and depressed yet again. Its only going to get worse as the dark cold morning draw in. Well i'm f**king sick of it. Whenever she comes into my head i'm going to stop myself and say no, stop being a pussy and conciously divert my thinking. Im already a gym user, so if i find myself getting sad and upset when i'm sat at home, i'm going to punish myself by knocking 20 pressups out. If i'm bored at home alone, instead of pining over her i'm gonna do what i usually didnt have time for, I'l get on xbox or play some net poker. I was laying in bed this morning feeling like topping myself (I would never do it) then in my head i fought back. I got angry with myself and then all of a sudden i had an internal serge of energy. The depression left and i started to feel good, baring in mind im about to go to work. She's out there loving her life, f**cking her ex, not giving me time of day while i'm left here pining, miserable and feeling like sh*t. No i'm not having that any more. I deleted her on facebook a while ago, but we still have mutual facebook friends. I find myself looking at her m8s profiles to see if she's posted anything. Well i'm not even going to log on facebook anymore until i'm completley sorted. Its ok going nc and keeping yourself active, but in my opinion you also have to get nasty with yourself to a certain degree and mentally fight the sadness. I will be regulaly updating this thread to let youknow how i'm going.

[Silvaria]

Your post brought tears to my eyes...I dream about him constantly, and I always wake up more depressed than when I went to bed. Please do keep posting, and let us know how you are doing with mentally fighting the sadness...many of us are trying hard to do the same thing, and we need inspiration from success stories.

[D-Lish]

The first big step was deleting her (good for you). Now you have to follow through with not following her through any social network. You have to cut her out completely in order to move forward. You can't delete her from fb and then follow her on another network or the point is lost.

 

Diverting thoughts is a great strategy. Everytime I go through a hard break up I dive into something else that will benefit me. As long as the diversion is benefitting YOU, it will keep you focused on that diversion.

 

Take on a project that will benefit you. It can be academic, physical, social, etc- doesn't matter. It's a way to generate self esteem through results you can control. At a time when your feelings are out of your control, you really need to ground yourself in something project oriented where you are in control, and you can measure results.

 

Best of luck babe, you seem to be heading in the right direction by seeking to participate in your recovery.

[LoveTNT]

Your thread made me laugh. Not in a mean way, it was like you were checking yourself! Being strong not letting her choices control you anymore. You'renothaving her ****! I'm enjoying that, it made me giggle. Keep at it. My ex bought me a year gym membership, I've been avoiding going because of the fact that he bought it, but **** it every tine I consume my day with thinking and thinking I'm heading to the gym and get the sweat rolling, if I can cry for over an hour or two for his ass I can bust my ass at the gym making my body sweat n release the toxins get in shape and get even sexier! Of course benefit from the positive feeling after the work out!!!

[TaraMaiden]

....Its ok going nc and keeping yourself active, but in my opinion you also have to get nasty with yourself to a certain degree and mentally fight the sadness. I will be regulaly updating this thread to let youknow how i'm going.

 

Oh hotdamn, quoted for Truth!

 

This is absolutely phekkin' spot on.

you are so right - people really do have to give themselves a damn good shake and ask themselves, "What the phukk are you doing to yourself, and more's the point - WHY!??!?"

 

Good for you!!

 

Woo-fekkin'-hoo!

[leftfield]

Ello, ello, ello, someone is back behind the wheel!

 

Take the power back...

[jon3105]

Im with you on the dream stuff. Sometimes the mind can play cruel games on you. I'll for instance dream that I'm still with her, and we're chatting and kissing and none of this ever happened....then I wake up and the reality hits home.

 

Its horrible, I know everyone says the evenings are the worst, but they really aren't. I absolutely hate the mornings. Generally after I've woken myself up properly and got going, I find it much easier to cope as the day goes by, and then it's just a case of trying to keep busy in the evenings.

 

I'm also in the same boat, getting fed up with feeling hurt and upset while shes out there ****ing this new guy and not giving a crap about me. I too am in a job I hate and one that doesnt allow me the time to take up the gym again, not conveniently anyway.

 

It's a shame because thats how I got over my last ex. I became absolutely obsessed with the gym, firstly losing the weight I'd gained and then building up my muscle and fitness. Gradually I fell out of love with her and found someone new to fall in love with, ME!

 

I ended up spending close to £300 a month on personal training, suppliments, etc and thats really not a sensible option again for me at the moment anyway. But I'd love to be able to do that again, even if just for a while to get over her

 

I've instead treated myself to a nice new bike (cycle) and aim to get out and use that alot to boost my fitness, shape and self esteem in time.

[BigProc]

Well after my 1st day of take no **** attitude towards myself, i'll now reflect. Because my job is so physically hard, yet mentally a trained monkey could do it, I have a lot of time to think. Because i don't enjoy my job, this is where i find it most difficult. I found a lot of the time my mind started wondering onto happy times in the past and how i could have done things differently to prevent the break up. Basically thinking of things i'v got absolutley no power to change. When i did this i had to conciously try and think of other things. Even when doing this though i still found myself going back to the same old thoughts, hopefully over time this will ease. Now heres my shameful confession. Even though i deleted her off my fb a while ago, i have a very bad habit. Everyday when i come home from work without fail i would log on fb and check her friends pages to see if she has posted anything. Also I cant get on her full wall but i can see her relationship status. (which still says single) I don't know why i do this because its been comfirmed she is back with her ex. So today I havn't even been on fb at all and when i got in i knocked a few pressups out to get the adrenalin flowing. At this moment i'm not happy, yet im not slitting my wrists (metaphorically speaking). I'v got football tonight (soccer for all you americans ) so that should keep my mind off things. The true test will be when that alarm goes off at 5.30am tommorow morning and trying my hardest to battle the depression at the worst part of the day

[whatadeer26]

Stop looking at her F-ing FB! You are looking for hope and the day that status changes to in a relationship you will be at square 1. Stop doing it to yourself. Please trust me.

 

I have began using memories of my ex in the gym. Everytime i find myself stuggling with something I use her to get mad and press more out. I should thank her for that. I suggest you try it also.

[BigProc]

Well its 6 am in England and about to go to work. What a shocking nights sleep. Every time i drop to sleep i dream about my ex, i dream about us being together, i then wake up and reality hits home. This happened about 4 times in the night. Also battling with my emotions is causing physical effects on me. I'm getting severe headaches and exhaustion, which is causing me to feel dizzy and weak. Well all i can do is carry on and pray these feelings start to ease.

[Silvaria]

Heh...reading these posts is making me quite glad I never got into Facebook or Myspace.

[BigProc]

Well today has been quite a hard day. Once again i'v struggled at work, with my mind wondering into the past. Just been to gym so thats made me feel a little better. The sunny days make me a little sad because this time last year i was so so happy. I think i need to work on my self esteem because my ex is a very good looking girl. I'v got it in my head i'l never find someone as nice as her and my confidence is rockbottom. Keep fighting.

[chenazah]

Are you in a position to change jobs? you have mentioned a few times that you dont enjoy it. Its not challenging you mentally so your thoughts are drifting. If your thinking about your situation all day then consequently it will spread into your sleep and become monotonous. Mix things up or it will melt your brain.

Start eating properly as well as this is no doubt contributing to your dizziness and exhaustion.

The emotions you are showing are common feelings so dont feel alone.

If you managed to find a very good looking women before then why cant you do it again? open your eyes as theres plenty of women out there.

Dont mope around thinking about the past or what could of been just because its sunny. Get out there and enjoy it.

Yesterday for example i nearly broke my neck at seeing the amount of lovely looking women walking around London. It was like watching tennis!

Focus your mind on yourself, think about you and want YOU want.

It gets easier so dont despair.

[LostInTurn]

I hate this b*ll**** too! The past two nights I have woke-up feeling terrible. I understand. I hate our ex's and this sh*t.

[benbarley917]

Hello m8...i've recently slpit up with a girlfriend,i can get to sleep ok at night but im waking up at like 4 or 5 in the morning with anxiety coz i've had a dream about her,also as soon as i've woken up i've started thinking and it's horrible!

 

Im in a job with my Mum at the moment (temp) but the work is so f'ing boring and makes the days so long that it gives you this frustrating feeling inside!...then like you said your mind begins to wander off and thing of what if's and the happy times and such!..it's the hardest thing i've ever had to go through and she says about us being friends if i can handle it,i play it cool for so long then i end up breaking down and it pushes her further and further away!!...I dont even know why i should be so bothered as she was selfish,rude to people at times and talked to me like a piece of **** and sometimes no matter what I did she would still go in a pissy!...the best thing to do is cut off all contact like you have done and make her a memory!...im still going through the process of having her on facebook and texting her and she says she's given up on relationships but it still makes you think!!!...facebook is a bloody curse,gets people into trouble when theres no need sometimes,but im so suprised how many blokes are going through the same thing...I guess some women are just very manipulative and know that any answer we give will not be the right one and they can find some bull**** way to justify theirselves!!...this of course is just some women but some blokes are just as bad if not worse too!..not in a bad way but we kind of feel sorry for ourselves,im 23 years old and have alot to offer and the future kind of scares me as i dont know who and when a special lady will come into my life again...keep strong m8 and keep focused and keep your mind busy!..the hardest thing to do is accept things for how they are and building your life again without that person but If I can do it being in the total depressed messed up mental state i've been in then you can too

[BigProc]

Yeah we've just got to try and stay strong. Its so bloody hard. I really think the dizzyness etc is from the depression i'v kind of fell into. I think mental problems if not dealtwith will soon effect you physically. I eat pretty well and i excercise a lot so i'm in quite good shape. Despite all of this my self esteem is still rock bottom. Yeah your right facebook is just poison. If i'm totallY honest i would like it to be wiped off the planet. I'm only on it cos all me mates are. Well lets hope we get there in the end. Today i'v not been right sad but at the same time i'v not been happy. It doesnt help that i have got nobody to go out with tonight and i know for a fact my ex is out.

[BigProc]

What i twat i am. I txt my ex 3 times when i was aout saturday night and i didn't get 1 txt back, not even telling me to leave her alone. This made me feel like stringing myself up on sunday. Please give me a kick up the arse

[leftfield]

What i twat i am. I txt my ex 3 times when i was aout saturday night and i didn't get 1 txt back, not even telling me to leave her alone. This made me feel like stringing myself up on sunday. Please give me a kick up the arse

 

Consider yourself kicked! Stop doing that to yourself man. You have a weakness there that really must be addressed. Funny thing is, after my massive pain overdose seeing my ex for several days in a row, I have absolutely no desire to contact her. Don't get me wrong, I still miss her like crazy, but I've been far too badly burned to get in touch with her.

 

Maybe when I start to feel better some temptation might creep in again, but I doubt it. Having witnessed the "couldn't give a f*ck attitude" that she had, and seen the phenomenal change that seems to have occurred in her, I don't see anything but pain in contacting her.

 

Maybe that's the answer for you. You really need to accept that your relationship is over and start to see your ex as pain, not love. You'll find no love there my friend, so every time you're tempted to shoot yourself in the foot again, remember you are texting/emailing/Facebooking a whole load of pain back to yourself.

 

Now if you don't mind I'll just remove my foot from your backside and carry on having the sh*t day I was having before. Don't do it again!!!

[BigProc]

Thank you, i needed that. The 1st and 2nd txt was basically telling her how much me and my daughter (from a previous) miss her and that i still really love her. No response. So later in night i txt her saying "please reply just to acknowledge i exist, even if i dont like the reply, I could have ignored you when you was asking me for money but i didnt". Again no reply. I think i would have prefered it if she had said look just **** off and leave me alone. Her not replying just shows what little significance i am and that i'm not worth replying to

[leftfield]

Thank you, i needed that. The 1st and 2nd txt was basically telling her how much me and my daughter (from a previous) miss her and that i still really love her. No response. So later in night i txt her saying "please reply just to acknowledge i exist, even if i dont like the reply, I could have ignored you when you was asking me for money but i didnt". Again no reply. I think i would have prefered it if she had said look just **** off and leave me alone. Her not replying just shows what little significance i am and that i'm not worth replying to

 

I've often thought it would have been easier to have a massive fight or something so that there is a big, fat line drawn under the relationship, signed at the bottom by Mr F. You.

 

I think you've gotta take this "diss" as a the **** off you've been looking for, let yourself get a bit angry about it and use that to show greater determination in future. Trouble is, she now knows that you're still on the end of her string, so she may reel you in with text in a couple of days time that will screw things up for you again.

 

If she is just giving it a few days before responding and she sends a message back, for your own sanity IGNORE IT, unless it says "can we meet up and talk about how to get back together". And stop drunk texting, then you won't have to feel like a twat.

[BigProc]

Thats the thing, she won't respond. She hasn't contacted me in weeks and that was only to get money i owed her and then it was weeks before that. She's not throwing me any breadcrumbs, she is back with her ex and i think she must be completley over me. Thats why i'm being so pathetic. At least some people who are failing nc are getting a line thrown to them. I think i'm finding it hard to believe because she was so besotted with me, a lot more than i was her (so i thought). So i'm finding it hard to comprehend how she's moved on so easily/quickly.

[leftfield]

I'm struggling with that a little bit as well. It's hard to get your head around when you remember what seemed like not so long ago you were in a loving, affectionate relationship, and now you can't get the time of day.

 

One of the reasons I'm so determined not to contact my ex is that she so obviously feels nothing for me now, she might as well be stabbing me in the chest when she speaks. Absolutely awful feeling, not worth any amount of contact.

[BigProc]

Yeah same here. If she can't even contact me when she's drunk, i don't think she ever will. I'm almost certain now i won't txt her again. I'm just going to have to try and move on.

[Caradavine]

The dreams are a real B$#ch.

[BigProc]

Yes m8 they are. I really struggle in the mornings as well. Feel awful.