Broke up, thought we could be friends...then I did something stupid. Now what?

[dextm]

Me and my coworker decided to end our committed relationship 3 weeks ago. For last 3 weeks, it was hard to let go, but yesterday I decided once and for all to go full NC because of what I learned. I learned that she had been seeing her ex (7 yrs ago), getting closure with him, possible starting new beginnings, because she still hasn't gotten over him yet (we almost broke up 2 months ago because she wanted closure with him while we were in our relationship).

 

We thought we could be friends after the breakup, but there is no way I can support her and this scumbag piece of siht who I know is up to no good. Somehow during their "meets", he kissed her, and God knows what else they did together. All this time she was still hanging out wiht me, flirting, touching, etc. Long story short, 7 years ago, this scumbag cheated on his bff to be with my ex, broke up with my ex, got the bff preggo, then proceeded to ask my ex for forgiveness the next 7 years. In my books, even if a guy cheats to be with you, he is still considered a cheater, cheating for any side is CHEATING, and once a cheater, always a cheater. I have my flaws, I ****ed up, but I never cheated. Not comparable. God damn, I would support her if she found a better man than me, ANYONE but that god damn scumbag. But no. It has to be him.

 

So I decide I cannot be second fiddle because this is exactly what she is turning me into. I guess when he's busy and they can't go out together, she'll call me up and hang out with me. Make me feel special kinda, when I know I'm getting ****ed. She says she knows I'm capable of being the bf she wants, but I am not ready for a relationship yet because I have flaws that I need to work on. Fine.

 

Without thinking it thru yesterday, I called her parents up and told them I was sorry I couldn't make it to their bbq over the weekend. I was invited to be the chef, because I can actually cook decent meals and bake desserts (unlike her.....and god damn i'm like, the housewife of this relationship), but I didn't go because it didn't feel right. Her parents loved me and treated me like family so I thought I owed them some respect by telling them the truth. I told them my relationship with their daughter was over. Wished them well. Did not say any bad things about the ex. Asked the parents to take it easy on her and give her time and space. My ex got home and broke down. She said I disrespected her by not letting her break the news to her parents. Her parents probably bitched her out for lying so many times. I said I did her a favour. But perhaps she was right. I shouldn't have called. I didn't think it thru. Didn't realize the implications. I then updated my FB profile to 'single' and she got pissed again because other coworkers would inevitably see that we have broken up, and she wants no one in the world to know that we broke up. I don't care, I just want to f'in move on. Why should I be obligated to do anything for her? She didn't give me the closure I wanted, and instead gave it to a scumbag ex of 7 years ago while our wounds were still fresh...so she sobs, cries, swears over the phone, but I sit speechlessly in silence.

 

She was still "best friends" with me after our breakup, but I never saw myself with her again in the future after she decided to low blow me and start hanging out with that scumbag ex. Now she hates me to death. Now I hate myself to death because she has no one else to run to but that ex. But it's not like I had a chance anyways.

 

How badly did I f up?

What do I do now? Call the parents again?

I don't even want to give eye contact to the ex @ work.

Edited September 2, 2010 by dextm

[dextm]

Comments, please?

[on edge]

your ex is right. it was awkward for you to call her parents.

 

It's over. Her telling you that you are "capable of being the bf she wants" but that you "have flaws that [you] need to work on" is her way of being nice. It's over.

 

Go NC, Grieve, and then start taking care of yourself. Be selfish and spend time doing the things that YOU love.

[9Lives]

the friendship stuff is for the birds unless you are completely over that person. The more you know about what your ex is doing or not doing the more pain and bad memories you will have. Do yourself a favor and just let it be. I did all that snooping and it didnt do nothing but cause me even more pain than I already had. Just let it be.

[dextm]

the friendship stuff is for the birds unless you are completely over that person. The more you know about what your ex is doing or not doing the more pain and bad memories you will have. Do yourself a favor and just let it be. I did all that snooping and it didnt do nothing but cause me even more pain than I already had. Just let it be.

 

I don't even want to "know" what my ex is doing, but it's hard when she's a coworker. I can't close my eyes, turn off my ears 24/7. At some point, info is leaked, and curiousity seeps in. That's where the head games start to come in play. I don't want to think about the ex, but it's all over my mind. I rather get my suspicions confirmed than to have to play head games with myself. The sooner I know I have no chance, the sooner I can let go of any chance I thought I had.