GS33 Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 So the quick story, my wife and me married about 2 years ago. Right after that we put our condo on the market to buy a house to start a family in. It took a year and a half to sell and we ended up selling for way less than I paid for it, but I knew she wanted to move so no big deal. This was a very stressful time, showing the condo and having to get the dog out all the time. Our lives were basically on hold the year and a half after we were married and I think we let that get to us. So we end up selling it and get an awesome house. Three months later she go out with her friend and comes home at 8 in the morning on fathers day. My dad passed a year ago and I assumed she would go to the grave with me that day. I let it go and went alone, the next day after work I tried to talk to her about it, let her know I was upset but she acted like it was no big deal. A couple days later she hits me with I want a divorce, I’m not happy. I stuck around for a few weeks, she was so hostile towards me the whole time and stayed out all weekend saying it was with her friends and she needed her space. Well it was another guy I found out, so I moved into a hotel. My heads all jumbled up right now so I hope that all makes sense to someone, its just a little background. And I'm not saying I’m perfect either. I could've did some things different, but everything I've done from the moment I met her was for her. Ok to the advice I need. I have a great job, getting out of this with no debt, no car payment, and great friends. But I never gave up on us. Over the past couple months she’s been calling, mostly when she needs something. A couple weeks ago I pulled all the weeds she let get out of hand in our landscaping, replaced all the mulch and planted new bushes and flowers. I was leaving to sign a lease on an apartment and I asked her if I still should, it was a good day together. She said I don’t know, do what you think best. Well I didn’t, ever since she calls every day. I'm doing more and more for her now, seeing her more, but the only time I asked what she wants she just said I don't know. I don't know what to do; when I go out I still act like I'm married. I want nothing else except to be with her the rest of my life..... So, what do I do? Try to have the time of my life with out the woman I married? Or fight for us until the day she decides to finally file the paperwork for divorce?
tank Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 I have to ask, why did you move out. I wouldnt sign a lease at all. if she doesnt know what she wants, thats her problem, you know what you want so go get it. Move back in the home. stay in a different room. If it makes her uncomfortable then she can move out. From your brief discription, she is having an affair or has had an affair and the OM ended it. Thats why she is unsure, she feels guilty, your still taking the time to show how much you love her and she is not sure if she still wants that or she wants to move on. I suggest moving home, and continue doing what your doing. If she gets mad or frustrated, do the 180 but still do what needs to be done to maintain the home. I dont claim to have any answers, believe me, i have a hugh mess of my own. but dont give up. if you truley love her, make it difficult for her to push you away
2.50 a gallon Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Are you still making payments on your house? If so move back in immediately. It sounds as if she is playing you for second best. You are her sugar daddy paying all the bills, letting her live in your house. If things don't work out with the guy she stayed out with until 8 in the morning, maybe she will then take you back until she finds somebody else.
Ash78 Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 So the quick story, my wife and me married about 2 years ago. Right after that we put our condo on the market to buy a house to start a family in. It took a year and a half to sell and we ended up selling for way less than I paid for it, but I knew she wanted to move so no big deal. This was a very stressful time, showing the condo and having to get the dog out all the time. Our lives were basically on hold the year and a half after we were married and I think we let that get to us. So we end up selling it and get an awesome house. Three months later she go out with her friend and comes home at 8 in the morning on fathers day. My dad passed a year ago and I assumed she would go to the grave with me that day. I let it go and went alone, the next day after work I tried to talk to her about it, let her know I was upset but she acted like it was no big deal. A couple days later she hits me with I want a divorce, I’m not happy. I stuck around for a few weeks, she was so hostile towards me the whole time and stayed out all weekend saying it was with her friends and she needed her space. Well it was another guy I found out, so I moved into a hotel. My heads all jumbled up right now so I hope that all makes sense to someone, its just a little background. And I'm not saying I’m perfect either. I could've did some things different, but everything I've done from the moment I met her was for her. Ok to the advice I need. I have a great job, getting out of this with no debt, no car payment, and great friends. But I never gave up on us. Over the past couple months she’s been calling, mostly when she needs something. A couple weeks ago I pulled all the weeds she let get out of hand in our landscaping, replaced all the mulch and planted new bushes and flowers. I was leaving to sign a lease on an apartment and I asked her if I still should, it was a good day together. She said I don’t know, do what you think best. Well I didn’t, ever since she calls every day. I'm doing more and more for her now, seeing her more, but the only time I asked what she wants she just said I don't know. I don't know what to do; when I go out I still act like I'm married. I want nothing else except to be with her the rest of my life..... So, what do I do? Try to have the time of my life with out the woman I married? Or fight for us until the day she decides to finally file the paperwork for divorce? GS If I get the oportunity to get my wife back I will take it with both hands. The OM is always a problem and always has the potentail to be. It could happen at any time with any man. I would move back purely because of the financial aspect of the separation. I would as has been suggested move into separate rooms and insist of councilling. The councilling should help the two of you work out whether you should stay married or you should move on.
Steadfast Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 (edited) No one can tell you what to do, but those of us who have experienced what you are going through (as I have) can advise. Here's your options- 1) Keep doing what you are doing now, which is living in limbo. Nothing is decided, nothing is solid. It's all up in the air and she's calling the shots. Presently, your marriage consists of one faithful, loving partner; you. That, unfortunately is not marriage. That is incarceration. You are being held hostage by the love you feel for your wife and your devotion to the union. 2) Stop what you are doing now and end the limbo by letting her go. See an attorney (or file on your own) cut off communication with her and begin rebuilding your life. Although this is painful because of your love, you are taking the quickest, most proactive path towards happiness. Free from wondering what she wants/needs and allowing yourself to be cheated on. My personal take: Often, people are indecisive when none of their options thrill them. Right now, your 'wife' (and I use the term loosely) is sitting on the fence; taking what she wants from other men (ego boosting sex and excitement) and you (everything a loving husband can offer, except sex) which by definition is a classic case of cake eating. And you're enabling it. I promise you it isn't what she ultimately wants, but it'll do for now. She's unsure, scared. She should be. Regardless, she has brought upon herself much grief. My advice is to break the limbo cycle by taking control of your own life. If she loved you the way you love her, wild horses couldn't keep her away. More than anyone else, she loves herself, and that does not make for a good marriage partner. Prove your love for her by letting her have the life she's chosen and start rebuilding yours. Take each action kindly and carefully, without spite. No games. Display to her and yourself that this life is not the life you want. Stop all communication with her and move on. Keep posting. There are many kind, intelligent and thoughtful people here. Edited September 6, 2010 by Steadfast
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