Iselia Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 I feel ok with the breakup right now. As in, thinking of the breakup as being temporary and not permanent. I'm still deeply in love with her. For some reason, I keep thinking she'll come back to me. This small glimmer of hope seems to keep me going. I'm ok with the breakup in the sense that I feel like I can do somethings for myself. I want to be more outgoing, social, and independent. And keep it that way, regardless of my next relationship (if and when that happens). But, if I think of the breakup as permanent (ie she won't be willing to try again) I get angry/depressed all over again. I keep telling myself to let our relationship breathe, to give it time and everything will be ok between us. I know I'd never forgive her unless she tried a relationship with me again. I just can't. Not when I think of everything that's happened. How she stonewalled me and blocked me out. Not when she is still looking at other women and wanting a new relationship with someone new. Not when she told me she wants someone more "dangerous and risky." If she were truly sorry and showed remorse, I would forgive her. But, I don't think she'll be 100% sorry and remorseful unless we try again. Another thing, my ex still says she loves me (or at least, she said this a few weeks ago. Solid NC for 2 weeks now). Why do I feel like she doesn't mean it? I mean, wouldn't she be here with me right now, trying and fighting for this relationship if she loved me? She has also stated several times that she does not want a relationship at this point in time and that she's confused about what she wants. So why would my ex be willing to have a relationship with her crush (my ex has admitted to this)? I'm so confused and heartbroken.
raincheck Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 I am sorry to say it does not sound like she is interested in you. It sucks, and it is hurtful, but sometimes people are just not meant for us and there is nothing we can do about it but accept it. You will get past the hurt eventually and you will be able to move on. But the very first thing you must begin working on is accepting the reality of the situation: that it is over. That she, and you, will eventually be with someone else. It also helps to throw away the rose-colored lens we like to view our exes with, and remember the flaws, faults and doubts we had about our relationships... I know this ex of yours is not a perfect person, and you've flat out listed several hurtful things she has done and said. It is just unfair to yourself to keep wanting someone who does not want you the same way back. I also feel like we get caught up in a "do they love me? or not?" tangle; and it is easy to lose yourself in that confusion and feel rejected or doubtful. But someone can love you and also not want a relationship with you, for whatever reason. It happens all the time. How good or bad you feel about this should not depend on how much she loved or didn't love you. You are hanging all your self worth on another person's feelings for you: don't let that happen. You are in charge of your self worth. No one else. Let it go.. distance yourself.. and let yourself move on. I know you can
Author Iselia Posted September 2, 2010 Author Posted September 2, 2010 I can't seem to let go of hope. Hope she'll come back to me. I keep telling myself that it is over, but it isn't working. I try to forget her, try to look at other people. It doesn't work. It's been 4.5 months broken up, but I'm still so, so in love with her. I don't know what to do.
raincheck Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 It's only been NC for 2 weeks, which means you've delayed your own healing for 4 months by staying in contact with her. Try 60 days of NC. Absolutely nothing. Then see how "in love" with her, you feel. The question is: are you strong enough to let go of the "in-love" feeling, and let it fade into nothing? Usually what holds us back is our fear of being alone, not our fear of losing the love of our lives. I think somewhere deep inside, you already know she is not the love of your life... Give yourself a chance. I think it's time to be angry at her; and be kind to yourself.
Username37 Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 I feel ok with the breakup right now. As in, thinking of the breakup as being temporary and not permanent. I'm still deeply in love with her. For some reason, I keep thinking she'll come back to me. This small glimmer of hope seems to keep me going. Don't think about it being temporary. I thought that at first and when she told me "it's over" again and again. It hurt like a mother ****er. I still have that hope and I'm still in love and all of that. But I'm moving on and getting to a point where if she comes back good and if she doesn't whatever ya know? My suggestion is move on like she ISN'T coming back. So that way if she does then you got her and if not, then hey you moved on right? Another thing, my ex still says she loves me (or at least, she said this a few weeks ago. Solid NC for 2 weeks now). Why do I feel like she doesn't mean it? I mean, wouldn't she be here with me right now, trying and fighting for this relationship if she loved me? She has also stated several times that she does not want a relationship at this point in time and that she's confused about what she wants. So why would my ex be willing to have a relationship with her crush (my ex has admitted to this)? I'm so confused and heartbroken. She still cares about you man, but here's the thing. She loves you, but she's not IN love with you. There's a difference. Just let her be. Let her miss you. Good luck to you man. I've been keeping up with your story. You're gonna be fine. Check out the chatroom, we would love to chat with ya
Author Iselia Posted September 2, 2010 Author Posted September 2, 2010 It's only been NC for 2 weeks, which means you've delayed your own healing for 4 months by staying in contact with her. Try 60 days of NC. Absolutely nothing. Then see how "in love" with her, you feel. The question is: are you strong enough to let go of the "in-love" feeling, and let it fade into nothing? Usually what holds us back is our fear of being alone, not our fear of losing the love of our lives. I think somewhere deep inside, you already know she is not the love of your life... Give yourself a chance. I think it's time to be angry at her; and be kind to yourself. I am not afraid to be alone. It actually sounds really nice to be independent for awhile. What scares me is not having her as my girlfriend anymore. I know we aren't together right now, but I miss her terribly. I can stand to be away from her for awhile, but I feel like permantently having her gone is heartbreaking. I plan to give myself a long time of NC; I already decided this. She still cares about you man, but here's the thing. She loves you, but she's not IN love with you. There's a difference. Just let her be. Let her miss you. I've never understood the whole "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" argument. It seems, the IN love part switches on and off with most couples over time. It's apart of the highs and lows of relationships. I figure if you really love someone, and assuming they aren't abusive and treat you well, you will stick it out with them through good and bad. The whole "in love" crap seems like an excuse to have something hot, fresh, and new. I mean, really? How could someone do that?
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