MizFit Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 SF...I haven't posted for a number of weeks because I was tired of the constant bickering and lack of understanding by OWs and BSs...it was wearing me down and I needed a break from it. I don't know as I'm ready to come back from the safety of lurking, but your thread pulled me at least momentarily. You and I have been on opposite ends of things...we've discussed issues in here and we've carried discussions and some lovely chats on via PM. I consider you a voice of reason and calm...a beacon. I can't tell you how my heart breaks for you. It breaks because of the desire you had to make the marriage work. It breaks because you put your emotions forward and made your vulnerabilities real to anonymous strangers. The thing that breaks my heart the most is that you think you're not enough. I love my MM with all of my heart and soul...he has been honest with his situation. He loves me and I have no doubt about it whatsoever. The last words I spoke to him when I initiated NC a few weeks ago was...why am I not enough for you. I am so sorry that you're feeling what I did. Let us help you through this SF...and if you want a holiday I have an extra bedroom here in Old Blighty...xx
NoIDidn't Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Hugs, Snowflower. I'm sorry you are hurting right now. Every gray cloud has a silver lining. It may not seem like it right now, regardless of what you guys ultimately decide, but things will get better.
crazycatlady Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Don't have a lot of time to write at the moment but I wanted to thank you all for everything that you are saying. You guys are all correct and my friends IRL are saying the same thing. I'm just sad. Why wasn't I enough for him? I'll be back later to address the posts here specifically. Thanks guys! SF - try not to think of "whjy wasn't I enough" but rather think of it was You were too much for him. Or maybe....he wasn't enough for you. You did your best. Now its time to move on and just enjoy things for you. Be the person you worry about. Be the person you try and help. Be the person you love to spend time with. Be you. Love you. Enjoy you. And poo on him (as my children would say when they feel slighted) CCL
TOWinNYC Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Snowflower - I just saw this and I wanted to let you know that it’s not just BS’s who are behind you. There are a few posters here on LS who have my utmost respect based on their posts. You are one of them. You were the one who made me see a little bit better, a view of what it’s like on the “other side”. And I am sad from hearing this news. I don’t know why you would think anybody would say I told you so (although that’s a legitimate fear on a public forum like this). I heard a phrase once which I hope will provide you with some comfort. The question was - When snow melts, what do you get? And the answer was - Spring. I took that to mean that after the moments in life when you feel frozen and all you can see are stark branches against gray skies, after the tears go away…..what you get is renewal and a fresh start. I imagine everything must be difficult for you right now - but some day the snow will melt. Keep an eye out for those crocuses - they WILL show up. (((Snowflower)))
OWoman Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I'm just sad. Why wasn't I enough for him? snow, no one can ever be enough for someone else. People are either whole, not needing anyone else - and for them, someone else adds to them, spilling them beyond abundance. For others, they are not whole, and look to other people to make them whole. For these people, someone else might be able to patch over the hole for a while, but ultimately the emptiness below will show. It's not that you weren't enough - it's that he wasn't enough for himself, and sought to top it up with other people. You did your best - be proud of that. (((hugs)))
LifesontheUp Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 ((((Hugs)))) So sorry to hear this. There is light at the end of the tunnel Snowflower. You may not see that now, but time is most definitely a healer and things will get better.
wheelwright Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 ((((((Snowflower)))))) As others have said, you are one whose kindness and light help others steer their path. I am glad you have people around you now - here and IRL - who reflect some of that back to you. I can honestly say I have read no sadder news on LS than this. I don't know how to give an optimistic comment to you, but I can say from your posts I perceive a person equipped to love and be loved, and that is likely to be in your future as a result. ((((More hugs))))
Author Snowflower Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 Hi all, as you might have guessed, I have been busy the past few days dealing with my soon to be re-arranged life. I have been checking the thread when I have a few minutes. I know that it is not me who is the issue here--and thank you to all who have reminded me of that. H and I have had some good conversations over the past few days which gives me hope but I'm really working toward making the most of my upcoming time by myself. I have drawn my line in the sand and he seems to have responded. But, some time apart will be best (at least that is what I keep telling myself). Again, thank you for all your words of encouragement and kindness. They have really helped me when I have felt at my lowest--which has been several times. I will post more as time permits. Right now, I'm so busy.
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