Can I get a Witness?

[LoveTNT]

Where do I start. *Hold up let me put a song on while I write my situation.(The Helio Sequence- Back to this,... maybe you can play it too while you read lol)

 

So My Ex, was very kind and sweet and giving and understanding and patient, you know all the things they say a man does when he truly loves you. Anyhow, when we started seeing each other I was getting over situation #2. **** happens you know. So I was trying to get over situation#2. But my ex, which was the new sweet candidate at the time was just so gorgeous and genuinely sweet. So time went by and I learned to love him. We spent amazing times together. Then situation #2 tried to roll up again, and I got caught off guard with some unresolved feelings (horrible)... bla bla happened. And I became somewhat distant with my ex ( the sweet thang at the time). We were'nt together yet. Then **** happened I decided that sweet thang (ST) was better for me and he helped me be a better person. So I stopped talking to Situation #2 even though at that time i believed I still cared for him.

 

Because I didn't get over S2 (haha) I started to be awkward with ST, now looking back it was so lame of me. But that's how I felt. I was hurt inside. I became distant with ST while We were officially together. He was very patient and loving. aah it kills me. I was good to him too, but I had moments of confusion.

 

Fast-forward. I believe he held all this resentment ( he even admitted to it) about the confusion I had. He never asked me what was wrong nor did he talk to me about his feelings being hurt. Al of a sudden a year passes and now he's holding all these things against me. He also was going through alot at his job and still is. Yes a man does change in a relationship when hes not happy with his finances and all. I honestly tried to support. But I would have my moments of frustration, scared that I was losing him, worried he didn't love me anymore because of the way he was being with me. (ugh sounds clingy, and I knew better about self love and giving space when needed, it went down the drain and i became vulnerable).

 

So he suggested counseling, I said of course, I love this man!. Well the day came when I got really hurt and out of an emotional self sabotaging moment ( I feel I was hurt for a good reason but didn't have to yell what I did), I said "I don't want to go to counseling anymore!" So he said if we don't it's over. I stood quiet.

 

But I tried calling him back after a few hours passed of cooling down, and he wasn't having it. Omg, I sound like the bad one huh?

 

anyhow it's been a month, we've seen each other 3x. He's hot and cold with me. I've been trying to reflect on my mistakes, believe me I don't want to lose a man that I truly love. He was really angry with me. He's never not talked to me. But I guess he was getting fed up.

 

You know how you can get upset to the point that you just yell, I'm tired of this! Well I've learned my lesson, to not do that unless you mean it. 3 strikes you're out.

 

He says he loves me and is trying to heal, I am too. I pray. But at the end of the day if it's not meant to be that's what will be right?

 

I tried NC, but then I feel like I've been in the wrong so If I love him give him his space in one week intervals and then check up and see how he's doing, because I do want him back,, ahh.

 

ps. He does certain things that i don't agree with, so he is not a saint, I've caught the texts and all before, so before you think I'm the bad one, haha I just didn't want to say some things about him , there's no point in it.

AAAAH.

 

I truly love him, and I miss him. Heh

 

<3

[collegeguy_24]

I'll try to be honest here, it looks like it was your fault in things crashing. They were stressed before and then you crashed it. But I could be mistaken, I had a hard time reading your post.

 

I say try to get into contact with him, cause he could be doing NC as well and if you both do NC then you will get nowhere. So contact him, apologize, and try to work things out if he is willing.

[LoveTNT]

Ya I read it back, I was in a rush so it was a bit confusing. Haha.

 

I have contacted him. I let him know clearly that I'm sorry and I'm owning up to my mistakes. He says he still loves me. At first he didn't even want to talk, now he'll return my text and calls sometimes. I don't want to bug him but I will be honest with him and let him know I love him still and would love to work it out. These moments are so sad and confusing, but if you take them for what they are really worth, you grow. I've seen him once on his request a week after we broke up. He said he missed me. We went to the beach. He cried a bit when he saw me. BUt then the rest of the week he was mad. He said he's been battling his feelings, he says I broke him, killed him. That totally breaks my heart to hear that, but I will own up to it. That's why I am here still letting him know I care and love him. But till then when dol I know it's time to let it go. He's going through a lot. For instance I asked to see him last friday, he met me. We talked of course, I could'nt hold it together and cried. This is the third time I saw him and first time I try to kiss him, it was passionate I could feel it. I told him I understand he needs time to heal, but that if he loved me he couldn't continue with NC because it will eventually drift us. He promised he would contact me more when he thought of me. He has. BUt yesterday he was having a ruff day and I told him that Things were getting clearer for me and that even though feeling lonely sucks that I have to move forward and be a good person and attract good things. I was speaking in general not trying to move on from him, he knows I want to work things out. He snapped. text me that I wanted to be alone and attract good things and that he wants a life partner and that its obvious we want different things, I thought, are you flipping it on me!? I sent him a bible scripture about love 1 corinthians 13 4-7. Anyhow, he said he was having a tuff day and he was sad. I offered comfort, he didn't take it,Understood. Ahhhhh, anyhow, he returned my calls back today, but he's like if you can't deal with this right now then you could leave it alone. He's hot and cold.

 

I'm hopeful though, but I will definitely not be sticking around forever thinking I deserve this. I am willing to accept my faults,he knows that. I love him dearly. I don't want to mess around with anyone else. If anything I want to heal, no rebounds. I want to respect him and show him how much i truly appreciate him.