LostInTurn Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Hi, So, I was not dealing effectively with anything that was happening in my life. I was a walking train wreck. I felt like the train kept running me over no matter what I was doing. I've read all of your responses and other posts as well for advice. I've spent countless hours dwelling on a situation, that as many of you point out, we have no control over. I am doing what I can to stay busy. I have my moments, don't get me wrong. It remains a challenge, but I don't want to lose myself to this. I have been spending time with friends. I am going to do things I never would have done in life. I am going to face fears I never would have before. I look at the past month and understand just how much I have lost. I figure, I may as well start living. I have made many life decisions based on other people. Never again. Please do something nice for yourself each day. As difficult as it may be to leave your bed, get dressed. Do something nice for yourself. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture, just something. We all need to start loving ourselves again. I hope everyone feels as though they've made some progress. I hope each of you feel better a bit. Sometimes when I'm driving, I wonder how many other broken hearts are on the road with me.
Hopelesslyforgotten Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Lost, I absolutely love reading your posts...although each one seems to bring me to tears! haha. You're completely right...I know I need to regain my confidence and love me again...get myself back to where I was before all of this. It's just incredibly hard when you start doubting yourself...when all I can think about is obviously i'm not good enough for my ex otherwise he'd want to move where I am (we were LDR and basically he didn't think he'd be happy where i lived). Everything took such a blow...my confidence, my ego... But you're right. I know I don't need to be thinking that way and I need to start loving myself again and stop feeling so sorry for myself... I just wish I could fast-forward my life to a time where I didn't feel this pain anymore
NewToLS Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Good advice, Lost! Maybe that will help.... if I try to be nice to me. I don't do that well. "Sometimes when I'm driving..." I know what you mean. Sometimes I just want to fall into any stranger's arms and say just hold me, then I'll hold you. Not interested in anyone at all. I just don't do relationships well. I'm best alone, I suppose. I'm so busy I am exhausted. I'm tired. I have to keep my mind and body busy, but it's not helping. Just worn out. Why care about anyone? Just stick with your good relatives and leave it all alone. Oh well, I'm sure he's fine which should make me fine.
CLC2008 Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 I treat myself to an ice coffee every morning. And now I have a new neighbor to focus on. Nonetheless, we all have our moments, good and bad. As much as heartache hurts, I would never trade not being able to experience loving someone, because of it.
Author LostInTurn Posted September 2, 2010 Author Posted September 2, 2010 Lost, I absolutely love reading your posts...although each one seems to bring me to tears! haha. You're completely right...I know I need to regain my confidence and love me again...get myself back to where I was before all of this. It's just incredibly hard when you start doubting yourself...when all I can think about is obviously i'm not good enough for my ex otherwise he'd want to move where I am (we were LDR and basically he didn't think he'd be happy where i lived). Everything took such a blow...my confidence, my ego... But you're right. I know I don't need to be thinking that way and I need to start loving myself again and stop feeling so sorry for myself... I just wish I could fast-forward my life to a time where I didn't feel this pain anymore Hi Hope, I hope you take something from my posts. I'm glad you have been reading them. Please dont cry though! I'm sorry! I know how difficult it is to look within yourself and see your self worth. Blaming yourself is much easier than looking at the entire situation as a whole. It takes more energy to look at an entire situation and a certain understand that many of us have a difficult time accepting... that we were not in the wrong. It's easy to say 'I wasn't good enough'. That's not the reality of it though. You were good enough. He was not good enough for the situation. Please remember that. Look at who you are, what you gave, the trials you have endured. Remember them and don't lose sight of them. That is the first step in the healing process. Healing will not happen until you come to terms with the fact that none of this is your fault. It's not easy to say the one we loved is the reason everything fell apart, yet we need to. I spent hours, days, weeks blaming myself. Sitting on a couch, staring at the wall, crying and just blaming myself. It took quite a bit for me to remember who I was and am, what I gave and all that I did. It wasn't until then that the healing process began. When you fall asleep at night, don't let yourself fall asleep with sad thoughts. Think about you as a person. When you wake in the morning, remember your worth. Don't let yourself fall into the trap of remembering the sad things. That was one of the most difficult parts for me and still is. In regards to the place where the hurt isn't as severe. That's the healing process. Once you start remembering who you are, you will wake-up and feel better in no time. When that day arrives, you'll look back and be very happy you took the time for yourself.
Author LostInTurn Posted September 2, 2010 Author Posted September 2, 2010 Good advice, Lost! Maybe that will help.... if I try to be nice to me. I don't do that well. "Sometimes when I'm driving..." I know what you mean. Sometimes I just want to fall into any stranger's arms and say just hold me, then I'll hold you. Not interested in anyone at all. I just don't do relationships well. I'm best alone, I suppose. I'm so busy I am exhausted. I'm tired. I have to keep my mind and body busy, but it's not helping. Just worn out. Why care about anyone? Just stick with your good relatives and leave it all alone. Oh well, I'm sure he's fine which should make me fine. Hi New ToLS, Don't sell yourself short. I know what you mean about having someone, a random stranger just hold you for comfort. I'm not looking for anything either, but I understand. Staying busy is important. Don't run yourself into the ground though. You still need to take care of yourself. You ask a good question: 'Why care about anyone?' I was asking myself the same question. I only want to care about friends and family, everything else I'm all set with. I agree with your thought process. It doesn't even matter if she is fine. Who is she anyway? Just another person. How she may be has nothing to do with how you are. We need to let go of thinking that if they're fine then we should be a certain way as well. We just need to stop thinking about them in general. They're not good people. Keep taking care of yourself. We will all make it out of this.
Hopelesslyforgotten Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Hi Hope, I hope you take something from my posts. I'm glad you have been reading them. Please dont cry though! I'm sorry! I know how difficult it is to look within yourself and see your self worth. Blaming yourself is much easier than looking at the entire situation as a whole. It takes more energy to look at an entire situation and a certain understand that many of us have a difficult time accepting... that we were not in the wrong. It's easy to say 'I wasn't good enough'. That's not the reality of it though. You were good enough. He was not good enough for the situation. Please remember that. Look at who you are, what you gave, the trials you have endured. Remember them and don't lose sight of them. That is the first step in the healing process. Healing will not happen until you come to terms with the fact that none of this is your fault. It's not easy to say the one we loved is the reason everything fell apart, yet we need to. I spent hours, days, weeks blaming myself. Sitting on a couch, staring at the wall, crying and just blaming myself. It took quite a bit for me to remember who I was and am, what I gave and all that I did. It wasn't until then that the healing process began. When you fall asleep at night, don't let yourself fall asleep with sad thoughts. Think about you as a person. When you wake in the morning, remember your worth. Don't let yourself fall into the trap of remembering the sad things. That was one of the most difficult parts for me and still is. In regards to the place where the hurt isn't as severe. That's the healing process. Once you start remembering who you are, you will wake-up and feel better in no time. When that day arrives, you'll look back and be very happy you took the time for yourself. Your posts have been so insightful and comforting...thank you Lost It's so hard not to think I am not good enough for him....i have my good moments when I feel like he's loosing the best thing to ever happen to him...and then I have extremely bad moments (like right now) when I feel like if I was just good enough for him we wouldn't be in this situation. But your quote "You were good enough. He was not good enough for the situation. Please remember that." truely does make me feel better....I just need to start remembering that every time I have a moment like this It's just a horrible feeling to think back and think about how much I gave myself to this person...to only be hurt and heartbroken. Sigh
Author LostInTurn Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 Your posts have been so insightful and comforting...thank you Lost It's so hard not to think I am not good enough for him....i have my good moments when I feel like he's loosing the best thing to ever happen to him...and then I have extremely bad moments (like right now) when I feel like if I was just good enough for him we wouldn't be in this situation. But your quote "You were good enough. He was not good enough for the situation. Please remember that." truely does make me feel better....I just need to start remembering that every time I have a moment like this It's just a horrible feeling to think back and think about how much I gave myself to this person...to only be hurt and heartbroken. Sigh Try not to think of it as 'not being good enough' for him. I cannot explain why it happened, but I can try and reassure you that it's not because you weren't 'good enough'. Like I said, he wasn't good enough for the situation. Make a list of all the good things you did in the relationship and put it away somewhere. Then try focusing on some negatives. You're on the right track if you can think he's losing the best thing to ever happen to him, like you said. To me, that says you put in more effort than you perhaps should have or that perhaps was appreciated whole heartedly. Remember to think about you. When your mind starts to think about you not being good enough and how things could have been different if you were different, reset your mindset. It wasn't you. You've taken the blame for too long now. It's time to stop blaming yourself and remember who you are. Once you start remembering you, the healing will start. Remember how you said you want to be in a place where the pain isn't as bad or doesn't exist at all? That will happen when you remember your worth. Don't fault yourself for giving your heart to someone either. I did that, but I'm not benefiting from punishing myself for giving my all to someone. Knowing how much I gave is the reminder that I was there and gave my all.
Hopelesslyforgotten Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Try not to think of it as 'not being good enough' for him. I cannot explain why it happened, but I can try and reassure you that it's not because you weren't 'good enough'. Like I said, he wasn't good enough for the situation. Make a list of all the good things you did in the relationship and put it away somewhere. Then try focusing on some negatives. You're on the right track if you can think he's losing the best thing to ever happen to him, like you said. To me, that says you put in more effort than you perhaps should have or that perhaps was appreciated whole heartedly. Remember to think about you. When your mind starts to think about you not being good enough and how things could have been different if you were different, reset your mindset. It wasn't you. You've taken the blame for too long now. It's time to stop blaming yourself and remember who you are. Once you start remembering you, the healing will start. Remember how you said you want to be in a place where the pain isn't as bad or doesn't exist at all? That will happen when you remember your worth. Don't fault yourself for giving your heart to someone either. I did that, but I'm not benefiting from punishing myself for giving my all to someone. Knowing how much I gave is the reminder that I was there and gave my all. You are completely right, thank you Lost!! I do feel like I gave more, like I put that person before myself and now I just feel so lost and incomplete. I almost feel like I don't know who I am anymore because 'I' was 'we' for so long. I am definitely going to write a list of everything. I need to find myself again. Thanks so much again Lost! I'm at such a low point and it helps so much to have someone there to help push me out of it.
NewToLS Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Thanks, LostInTurn! I appreciate what you said. When does it stop hurting? When do I stop wanting to cry? When do I not think about him when I wake up and before I go to sleep? I'm a mush. Sometimes I think I just need to go on one of those dating sites and just see what happens. Not to have a relationship, but just to, you know, feel human again. I feel so disconnected and alone. Sometimes I just want to hear a nice gentleman's voice on the phone, but then again, those seemingly nice gentlemen can turn out to be not so nice. I just wish I could sleep for days. I need to stop feeling unworthy. Self-esteem goes from o.k. to sucky. Thanks for listening....(reading)!!
Recommended Posts