Lost Fish Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Today marks the day that I've made it one month NC. The first week was agonizing. We used to talk everyday. So to have that missing felt like a hole in my heart. I found myself standing in my house at night just staring off, not really sure what was going on. Feeling anxious. Lots of emotions rolled through me - rejection, regret, fear of being alone, anger, frustration, sadness, depression... and the faintest glimmers of hope. I also did something different this time - when it ended (a bit ambiguously), I forced myself to accept that this relationship was over. Done. Finito. I let myself feel the true pain of losing her. The true pain of being rejected by her. The hit to my ego. The feeling that I wasn't good enough. I had to walk through the darkness and depths of my pain really get it all out there and move forward. I did all that at one pivotal point about a week in. The painful emotions have been weakening - and as I started to figure out what to do (reconnect with friends, pickup old hobbies, get in shape) the glimmer of hope has been gaining more light as the darker emotions are getting pushed to the side. This is MY life and I can live it how I want. Why should I waste even 2 seconds of my time dwelling on her anymore. The first test came 23 days in when she broke NC by trying to IM me. I was away from my PC at the time and she is blocked, but it still came through - how I have no idea. "i miss you" was all it said. I posted here for support because it did set me back - at first. But once I made it a day or so without responding I found even more strength and momentum. I stayed strong and didn't leap at her breadcrumb. And this gave me even more strength. I am making it! I've since even been on a couple of dates with 2 different girls and am feeling a lot more positive - I do get lonely sometimes, but it does get easier. I just wanted to post here to let those of you know that it DOES get better. But you have to be willing to do the work and accept that the relationship is over. Peace, strength, and ACCEPTANCE to all those struggling here at LS.
BeagleGal Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Good for you! I am one month 1 day NC and I'm so happy I havent caved by texting that POS. Keep at it and as the months go by, it will get easier. Or so they tell me.
leftfield Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 I just wanted to post here to let those of you know that it DOES get better. I really NEED to believe that, so thanks for putting it out there. And congratulations on staying strong for 30 days dude! I'm absolutely determined to be where you are now in 30 days time. Viva la vida my friend.
jennie10 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 I'd like to say thank's for posting something positve! I'm only one day with NC and I'm feeling all of those emotions you mentioned... It's agonising! Is there not a bit of you that wants to get back with your ex? I think if my ex messaged me "I miss you", I couldn't help but write back...
Author Lost Fish Posted September 2, 2010 Author Posted September 2, 2010 I'd like to say thank's for posting something positve! I'm only one day with NC and I'm feeling all of those emotions you mentioned... It's agonising! Is there not a bit of you that wants to get back with your ex? I think if my ex messaged me "I miss you", I couldn't help but write back... That's a tough question jennie10. Part of me does miss her and might always miss her. But I also have to think about the constant fighting and tension at the end of the relationship. I was in a lot of pain while I was with her at the end. It wasn't the healthiest of relationships - it was like we were in an endless circle of fighting, which often left me feeling like garbage. When things did finally end I was in a tough place - sort of hating myself and sick of her constant disappointment and disrespect. Conversely I know that if she had put forth a bit more effort, that things could have gone entirely differently, but I suppose the timing was off - I now feel like she has a lot more maturing to do and we are just in different places in our lives. But in short, yes - there is a part of me that misses her a lot and I do miss the good things about her - because she is a fantastic person - but I also know that contact with her right now is only going to set back my own healing. I know that maybe someday I'll talk to her again - but I really don't want to break contact until I know that I could watch her essentially kiss another guy right in front of me and not give 2 flips about it. ... and I just wrote way more than I intended - but your question got me thinking, lol. Anyway - I feel for you jennie - but I assure you it will get easier. Things become much more clear as time goes by. Hugs
Username37 Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Been on NC for 2 months and I can tell you it does get better. It really does.
Lemontang Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 True it does get better the more you stick to NC. I've learn't this the hard way from one relationship I kept contacting her, never to get a response. You only feel worse because of it and it takes you back to square one. When I finally decided to go NC once and for all I found I was more open to other things in my life that I'd previously shut out and in short moved on.
boosh Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 I'm pretty much at a month as well. I went 2 weeks, then had to see her to give her money from a vacation we took. We talked for a day or two afterwards about us, and while it was a good productive talk that remained civil, we both decided to cut each other off and begin to heal up. Who knows where things will go in a month or two? Since then though it's been antagonizingly hard to extremely easy, or a variation in-between. Some days are easier than the next, but overall is definitely does get better, and does get easier as time progresses. Don;t get me wrong I miss her like crazy, and if she contacted me, I honestly don't know what I'd do.
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