t1ff4n1 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Me and my ex were together 7 years, brought a house together and have a dog which was our child. Back in April we had a rough few weeks and resulted in an argument in which I said something in the heat of the moment which I would never do and i thought he would of known full well that I woyldnt but it got out of hand. He said he needed space and time to get his feelings back because I left him numb, but I pushed, accused him of everyrhing, basically for 3 months I went physco! In this time we have had contact regular, I know what he is doing and he knows what I'm doing, we talking infact we are talking better and in the last month I feel like I am getting more in control of my emotions, even though sometimes I have to bite my tongue, he is dead friendly with me but then its like a switch flicks in his head and he gets irratable and wants me to go. He says he feels its gone too far now but he tells his mom he still loves me and he can never say never, then the next day he tells her its gone too far...he does seem confused! I've also heard he was discussing how good I am looking lately (I've lost a bit of weight and generally really glammed myself up) and he has tried it on a few occasions, first couple of times I allowed it to happen but I have now decided I'm not going to be"friends with benefits." So I stopped contact saturday and he goes away tommorow with his friends to somewhere we have holidayed together, he hasn't contacted me yet but do you think after 4 months I could do no contact or he should of come to his senses by now? Although it has been 4 monrths there hasn't been any cut off time from each other, do you think no contact will help him heal? He isn't really relishing the single life, and spends a lot of time alone. He has told his mom this time 6 months ago his life was complete and he was so happy Your advice is appreciated,thank you x
mizundastud Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 No contact even though it may be difficult seems best when there is alot of confusion and emotions still involved. It gives both people time to think about what they really want. So maybe you should give him and yourself sometime to work on you, if your what he wants he'll come back.
Author t1ff4n1 Posted September 2, 2010 Author Posted September 2, 2010 Thanks for taking time to reply! I'm struggling not to text today, he is going away and I always hate not texting to say have a safe journey! but he hasn't text me either so it does work two ways! Obviously the rule of no contact is pretty much what it is but 1, how long do you do this for? 2,generally do they get in touch? What really annoys me is how he can chat like we used to, about everything and then get irritable at the flick of a switch! Does anyone know they do that? X
PixieStix Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Men are like that, fickle! As far as how long NC takes, that all depends on him. It can be days or weeks, there is not really any set time frame on that one. In the meantime get out there and enjoy being YOU and not thinking about what might be or what could be. If it happens it happens, if not then you are still living your life and having fun!
Thorgs Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 NC is mainly for you to get better. If the ex calls and begs for you back then that's the bonus...and who knows, maybe you'll already be moved on.
Trovador Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 I "advocate" NC when you are sure you really through... I think it's the best way to heal yourself and advance in life without the painful emotions your ex can elicit still from you, if you were seeing him... According to my experience, you have a better shot at getting back your ex with minimal contact, while improving a lot your attitudes and reinventing yourself... anytime you improve an area of your life, your ex will see it and maybe he will appreciate you more for that, but in NC he will never see the new you... you could have toned down your body to 110 pounds and learn 3 new languages and he will never know it... see how absurd it is? But the key here is improving yourself, I know is unfair that the burden of change is on your shoulders but it is a matter of who wants more whom... but see it this way, when you change yourself for the better, surely you will atract more people and that can't be a bad thing right?
Recommended Posts