jennie10 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Well, I say teenage because he broke up with me two days before my twentieth birthday. Alas I digress. It all started two years ago when me and [blank] quite literally 'bumped' into each other one night. We talked, kissed, exchanged phone numbers and the rest as they say is history. Admittedly our relationship moved pretty fast. We had only been on two dates before we officially became boyfried and girlfriend. When I say officially, I mean that we changed our status on Facebook to "In a Relationship". We started to say "I love you" after about a month of being together, we would stay over at each others places and we "met the parents" pretty quickly too. There were problems in the beginning, ex's on both sides where ringing/texting/emailing trying to get back together. However my boyfriend's ex (sorry my ex boyfriend's ex), was slightly more persistent than mine, which caused a great deal of insecurties and anxiousnes on my side. This was however quickly resolved and our relationship flurished. In all of the two years that we were together we never - ever - argued. We had debates about trivial things such as religion, politics etc, but never argued. We socialised, together and individually, we had our own interests and hobbies, we both respected each others beliefs (religious and political), we got on brilliantly with each others families, we helped each other out with uni work and without being to graphic, we had a great sex life. Most of all we were best friends. I know what you're all thinking, I'm looking back with 'rose tinted spectacles'. Well I can assure you all I'm not. It may not have been perfect, he did enjoy going to bed late whilst I loved an early night, but it was very, very close to being so. And then last week, out of the blue, he tells me it's over. I'm still trying to make sense of it all. He told me that he still loved me and that it was the hardest decision he had ever made. He went on to say... "I just don't feel like I've got the energy or the heart for our relationship at the moment, and I know that sounds terrible, but you really do deserve more than what I can give you in my current state of mind. If I'd have carried on it would've been so unfair on you and I would've just ended up resenting us and forgetting all the fantastic times we had." What does this mean? Is there a chance we could get back together? Before you say, I've already asked him that to which he replied "I can't answer that". Whilst also adding that I'm his best friend and "whatever happens I will always be that". What?! I just don't know how I should react. I wish I could hate him but I can't. In terms of brake ups, he's done it in the 'kindest' way. He hasn't cheated, he hasn't found someone new, he hasn't fallen out of love with me. In a way, that makes it harder. Knowing that we still love each other but were not together... It's pretty weird between us at the moment. I know I should be giving him space but something will happen and I'll think "I must tell [insert name here]". I don't know the 'rules', what should I be saying to him? Should I be speaking to him at all? I'm just so confused and although my friends and parents have been amazing, I feel as if they're only telling me what I want to hear. And so I'm after any advice anyone can give me. Thanks for listening.
lilbunny Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Well, I say teenage because he broke up with me two days before my twentieth birthday. Alas I digress. It all started two years ago when me and [blank] quite literally 'bumped' into each other one night. We talked, kissed, exchanged phone numbers and the rest as they say is history. Admittedly our relationship moved pretty fast. We had only been on two dates before we officially became boyfried and girlfriend. When I say officially, I mean that we changed our status on Facebook to "In a Relationship". We started to say "I love you" after about a month of being together, we would stay over at each others places and we "met the parents" pretty quickly too. There were problems in the beginning, ex's on both sides where ringing/texting/emailing trying to get back together. However my boyfriend's ex (sorry my ex boyfriend's ex), was slightly more persistent than mine, which caused a great deal of insecurties and anxiousnes on my side. This was however quickly resolved and our relationship flurished. In all of the two years that we were together we never - ever - argued. We had debates about trivial things such as religion, politics etc, but never argued. I was in a R from 18 to 23, until the absolute bitter end we never argued either. With hindsight I wonder if that was because neither of us had enough passion to get angry or annoyed about anything the other did. \It isn't always a good sign. We socialised, together and individually, we had our own interests and hobbies, we both respected each others beliefs (religious and political), we got on brilliantly with each others families, we helped each other out with uni work and without being to graphic, we had a great sex life. Most of all we were best friends. I know what you're all thinking, I'm looking back with 'rose tinted spectacles'. Well I can assure you all I'm not. It may not have been perfect, he did enjoy going to bed late whilst I loved an early night, but it was very, very close to being so. And then last week, out of the blue, he tells me it's over. I'm still trying to make sense of it all. He told me that he still loved me and that it was the hardest decision he had ever made. He went on to say... "I just don't feel like I've got the energy or the heart for our relationship at the moment, and I know that sounds terrible, but you really do deserve more than what I can give you in my current state of mind. If I'd have carried on it would've been so unfair on you and I would've just ended up resenting us and forgetting all the fantastic times we had." What does this mean? Is there a chance we could get back together? Before you say, I've already asked him that to which he replied "I can't answer that". Whilst also adding that I'm his best friend and "whatever happens I will always be that". What?! I just don't know how I should react. I wish I could hate him but I can't. In terms of brake ups, he's done it in the 'kindest' way. He hasn't cheated, he hasn't found someone new, he hasn't fallen out of love with me. In a way, that makes it harder. Knowing that we still love each other but were not together... It does make it harder, you have no reason to resent them or hate them for what they have done. You find yourself blaming yourself, wondering what the hell you did/didn't do. DON'T. It is his issue. It's pretty weird between us at the moment. I know I should be giving him space but something will happen and I'll think "I must tell [insert name here]". I don't know the 'rules', what should I be saying to him? Should I be speaking to him at all? I'm just so confused and although my friends and parents have been amazing, I feel as if they're only telling me what I want to hear. And so I'm after any advice anyone can give me. Thanks for listening. Honestly, in my case we drifted apart, grew up and grew apart, ended up like brother and sister. Saying that we also broke up about a year and a half in, it was similar to your story. I didn't cry, beg or let him see me upset after he initailly told me. We didn't go NC, but when I spoke to him (I was still at uni, he had graduated) I kept it light and fun, made him laugh and told him about the good times. We were apart less than a fortnight before he came back. Not saying this is necessarily going to work, but if you are having a great time it makes life more appealing with you than if you are full of tears. Give it a few weeks, if he is just having a lads moment it won't be long before he sorts it out. If not NC all the way and carry on with life (do that anyway actually!).
Author jennie10 Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 Thanks for the advice, I really do appriciate it! Although I think I failed with the 'don't let him see you upset' part. When he told me all I could do was cry and beg him to reconsider... Thinking about it now I'm ashamed of what I did. Could I have already ruined any chance we had of getting back together I feel like I'm pressuring him - asking questions that he dosen't know the answer to... In fairness to him, he has been so 'nice' about it - if that's possible. I know he's there for me but I just feel strange when I speak to him! I think I put it in my origional post - I don't know what the 'rules' are, i.e. what I can and can't say! So many questions ...
Green Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Jennie, Jennie, you're the girl for me. You don't know me but you make me so happy. I tried to call you before but I lost my nerve. I tried my imagination, but I was disturbed.
Green Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Tommy Tutone so teenager now twentyager you knew. I was hoping to just creep you out. Maybe you arn't "clichéd" after all
lilbunny Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Thanks for the advice, I really do appriciate it! Although I think I failed with the 'don't let him see you upset' part. When he told me all I could do was cry and beg him to reconsider... Thinking about it now I'm ashamed of what I did. Could I have already ruined any chance we had of getting back together I feel like I'm pressuring him - asking questions that he dosen't know the answer to... In fairness to him, he has been so 'nice' about it - if that's possible. I know he's there for me but I just feel strange when I speak to him! I think I put it in my origional post - I don't know what the 'rules' are, i.e. what I can and can't say! So many questions ... Nah you can get away with the initial shock thing, at least lets them know you cared. Are you likely to bump in to him out and about? Let him miss you and be light and fun if you see him around. Might not work, but that was my plan of attack at the same age. If he is coming back it will be sooner rather than later, so be aware of when it is time to give it up and move on.
Author jennie10 Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 Well that's another thing. Last year I moved to the same city he lives in so that I could be near him. Not only are we in the same city but we live in the same student complex. His block of flats is directly oposite mine. Plus we have a huge group of mutual friends and I've already got a invite to my friends 21st - he's been invited too. Do we both go? Do I sacrifice going out just so it's not awkward? I've been quite good today and not spoken to him. I need to see him sooner or later though so I can get my belongings from his. *sigh*
lilbunny Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Well that's another thing. Last year I moved to the same city he lives in so that I could be near him. Not only are we in the same city but we live in the same student complex. His block of flats is directly oposite mine. Plus we have a huge group of mutual friends and I've already got a invite to my friends 21st - he's been invited too. Do we both go? Do I sacrifice going out just so it's not awkward? I've been quite good today and not spoken to him. I need to see him sooner or later though so I can get my belongings from his. *sigh* Can you take a group of your friends who will be around you and not leave you in an awkward spot? Can you trust yourself not to get all serious and look a bit daft? If you can go and get on with the party it will do you favours, if you suspect you will be unable to avoid long stares, watching him etc, steer clear. I hope you can go along and genuinely be the life and soul of the party (or whatever your normal party self is) or at least fake it.
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