sweetlee102 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Hey everyone, I am new to this forum. So am not young anymore, not that young anyway. I am 31 years old and I struggle with major jealousy/self-esteem/anxiety, etc. I am pretty good at hiding those problems until I get really close to someone. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. He is 39. When we first started dated, I had jealous issues, but I wasn’t that worried because we were so new, I didn’t let him know about my concerns, just kept to myself. Fast forward to about two years into the relationship, with the introduction of his Iphone and facebook. That is when things started to go downhill. Since then I have gotten paranoid. Really paranoid. I started overanalyzing every girl he added. I probably know his friends list better than him. With his cell phone I questions every little time it goes off, who it is, etc. It’s really bad. REALLY bad. I am in all honesty surprised we are still together. We have come close to breaking up many times. He gets mad, I cry, apologize eventually we are kind ok. But he says he lives on the edge, and walks on egg shells at home. Said even if we go anywhere and there is a pretty girl he gets anxious because he thinks ill accuse him of looking or make some outlandish comment. I have gotten to the point that I get anxious when I am not home with him because I think he’s chatting to a chick on facebook texting one or something like that. He tells me who a girl is when I ask and they don’t seem to be random girls you know it’s all people he has known. But the fact that I ask annoys him. He thinks I stalk his page. Yes yes I do [/FONT]L[FONT=Calibri] Today he added someone else. A 25 year old girl. Of course I investigated, she’s had a boyfriend for 4 years, etc BUT I am DYING to ask him how he knows her. I know that will just make him mad again and cause another fight. He doesn’t even look at my page. He doesn’t get jealous. Yes, we are listed as being in a relationship and there are pics of us, etc . I know I have major issues. They are getting worse due to me worrying about other things (money, work, etc) I have been working on getting better , with someone’s help but nothing is working. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Does anyone have any bit of advice or incite for me? Also, in all my relationships I have been insecure. I always feel they will meet someone else, reconnect, like someone better, etc. [/sIZE][/FONT]
Unistudent Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Hi Sweetlee, I do not think your relationship will last if this keeps up. I am very similar to you in that I get really jealous and check my gf's fb page to see who she has added..etc... and I hate that I do that. I find that I do it because I am bored though. I do it a lot when I have no one to hang out with as well. Do you two live together? I think you implied that you do. If he is at home with you every night/comes back to you every day... you have nothing to worry about. He obviously wants you. You are a younger woman too... so I don't see why he would be searching for someone else. One thing I can guarantee you... if you don't shape up you will lose him. He said he feels like he is walking on eggshells... that is not a good feeling and eventually he will get sick of it and will start to resent you for it. I really think that you need to start to work on your self esteem issues. Do you go to the gym or work out at home? If not I would recommend doing that. Try and shape up if you already aren't so you can look at yourself and say "I am hottttt! There is no reason why ____ wouldn't want me!" Just remember that everyone is special in their own way. You are worth something to someone and obviously your bf is one of those people.. he has stuck with you even through all of the jealous torment. Keep that in mind and trust that he is faithful unless there is some clear sign otherwise (if it ever comes to that don't put up with it and get out asap) I find that in all relationships you have to be happy with yourself before you can ultimately be happy in your relationships. One thing to maybe do is sit down with him and let him know that you are worrying like crazy... but know its over nothing. My gf has pretty low self esteem so I try and boost her up anyway that I can. I know she is amazing and she just needs to be told that every now and then. Maybe your bf should be doing the same for you. Goodluck and stay happy! PM me if ya want to talk about it ever.
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