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Having an Affair vrs. Telling of it?


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Posted
Like I said, no wonder why you love that question.

Gee I thought I said it was an EXCELLENT question. Not that I LOVED the question & hopefully others can get a word in edgewise in between your 'Comments' to me.

 

Of course he isn't. He's in denial and you know it, and that's why you keep him as your pet.:laugh::rolleyes: (ha ha - You're a funny one) All the more reason to cheat on him and feel justified eh?

As if you know what is going on in my personal life. I don't recall anyone appointing you as my personal basher. I don't know your story or where your authority comes from - couldn't really care less.

 

Ya might wanna pump the breaks on the Thread Jacking though.

Posted

I think whether or not to tell depends on the circumstances. I can see the why most BS would want to know but as someone said, some BS would prefer not to be told as they have intentionally decided to turn a blind eye. The thing is how do you know that for sure? And if you guess wrong you are doing your spouse a great disservice.

 

I am not sure how you mend a marriage if there has been an actual affair as opposed to one one night stand that will never be repeated and is something the WS would never do again.

 

What I do see as being wholly different is when a WS is asked what is wrong? Are you seeing someone else and he or she gaslights the BS. That to me is unconscionable. Its cruely in its worst form.

 

Seeing the other thread that I am guessing provoked Spark to post this thread was very disturbing to me. I think so many WS fall into that camp and dont post so I am glad the poster posted. Its like seeing the inner workings of the mind of a stereotypical WS.

Posted
Gee I thought I said it was an EXCELLENT question. Not that I LOVED the question & hopefully others can get a word in edgewise in between your 'Comments' to me.

 

Excellent, loved, like, whatever words you use to cover up your obsession with a WS not telling a BS what's REALLY going on.:lmao::rolleyes:

 

 

As if you know what is going on in my personal life.

 

Yet you spill it all on an internet forum. That's what all WSs say when confronted. "You don't know anything about me" is really pathetic.

 

I don't recall anyone appointing you as my personal basher.

 

Believe me, I will never work for an employer who cheats on their H.

 

I don't know your story or where your authority comes from - couldn't really care less.

 

Good for you. But I didn't know I had authority:confused::lmao:. But I wish I could have the authority to round up as many cheaters as I can, and put them in prison for four years after they continually cuckolded their spouses.

Posted

 

Seeing the other thread that I am guessing provoked Spark to post this thread was very disturbing to me. I think so many WS fall into that camp and dont post so I am glad the poster posted. Its like seeing the inner workings of the mind of a stereotypical WS.

 

Exactly. And seeing the inner workings of the typical MM's mind didn't provide me with a new understanding of MM. It is exactly as I thought it was - selfish/cowardly MM with a hurting OW and wife.

 

Telling brings awareness of the pain they caused and often consequences they'd rather not face. That is why they don't want to confess. It's easier and less risky to remain in the status quo with the added bonus of them believing they are the one making a sacrifice.

 

If it wasn't so sad it would be hilarious.

Posted

It did provide me with a new understanding. I used to wonder if I had handled things properly. Once I realized I wanted more and he was freaking out about the fact that he wanted more and didnt know what to do with himself, I cut it off and said dont come back until you have more to give.

 

Being on the other side of hearing some of that stuff when you really love someone and dont want to think its over, you hear the pain and the confusion and you try to understand his position.

 

But seeing it a neutral context (when its not you) its not so sympathetic.

 

But the gaslighting was what got me. My case was different because she knew and knew it was me. (still asks about me apparently i think she misses having a good buffer in the marriage and someone to distract him so he doesnt bother her:rolleyes:)

 

I understand there are articles saying dont tell but when someone is asking, how do you lie about that to their face?

Posted
My post wasn't directed at anyone directly. I don't operate in that way. I actually respect and take on board a lot of what you have to say.

 

I can only speak from my experiences. I have known women that knew their husbands were cheating on them but never uttered a word until an affair was publicly outed. Then a grand gesture would be made e.g. throwing the husband out for a while. The BS would then reconcile with WS after a suitably impressive penance has been made e.g. jewellery, a car or even a house extension. The WS would then sinply pick up where he left off.

 

The riling of the BS rather than the affair is the stressor to the relationship.

 

I am not categorically stating this dynamic applies to all relationships but it does exist in my circle. Fidelity is not a deal breaker - public humiliation is.

 

 

Thank you for the clarification. :)

Posted (edited)

I am not categorically stating this dynamic applies to all relationships but it does exist in my circle. Fidelity is not a deal breaker - public humiliation is.

 

That is exactly the situation with my ex MM. It was known and a part of their dynamic. She wasnt opposed to the A but if she felt she was being humiliated in any way, that would have been a deal breaker, gifts wouldnt have been enough.

Edited by jj33
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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