Why do men expect a perfect body?

[sanga]

My DH and I have been together for 30 years, married for 22. The first 7 years we were like magnets.. couldn't get enough of each other. Then we got married & things started to cool. Less & less frequent sex until now, it's been 6 months. You younger people won't believe that a woman of 63 can be passionate & yearn for sex, but I feel the same as I did at 25. My DH says that my body turns him off. I'm 5'7 and 155 lbs, and I don't feel like I'm overweight. I'm a size 10 and have a pretty face, get regular mani/pedi, nice hair, dress well. So what the HECK does he want? Do all men have this Playboy fetish where they think their wives should look like 23 year old models all their lives? I have had 3 children, I admit that I don't work out regularly, but I have other things to occupy my life. I'm thinking that I'd just rather hang out with girlfriends I can have fun with and who appreciate me for who I am, instead of being with a hypercritical man who expects the impossible.

[GooseChaser]

My DH and I have been together for 30 years, married for 22. The first 7 years we were like magnets.. couldn't get enough of each other. Then we got married & things started to cool. Less & less frequent sex until now, it's been 6 months. You younger people won't believe that a woman of 63 can be passionate & yearn for sex, but I feel the same as I did at 25. My DH says that my body turns him off. I'm 5'7 and 155 lbs, and I don't feel like I'm overweight. I'm a size 10 and have a pretty face, get regular mani/pedi, nice hair, dress well. So what the HECK does he want? Do all men have this Playboy fetish where they think their wives should look like 23 year old models all their lives? I have had 3 children, I admit that I don't work out regularly, but I have other things to occupy my life. I'm thinking that I'd just rather hang out with girlfriends I can have fun with and who appreciate me for who I am, instead of being with a hypercritical man who expects the impossible.

 

So tell us, does he have as good of a body as he wants from you? Demand equality.

 

You could suggest to him that you guys join a gym together or something if you'd be into that, or some other athletic activity outdoors or in sports. Walking is good exercise too. You guys could go on walks together. I'm sure you can think of other ideas too. Those are just a few suggestions.

[jamesum]

Does his wood even still function?

[somedude81]

Couple of points.

 

At 5'7, 155, you are slightly over weight. According to this

 

http://idealweightforwomen.net/ideal-weight-for-women/ideal-weight-for-women-find-out-here

 

The ideal weight for a 5'7 woman is 135 with the range being 121-159 pounds. Granted you are a mature woman with a slower metabolism.

 

My DH says that my body turns him off.

 

Do all men have this Playboy fetish where they think their wives should look like 23 year old models all their lives?

Being sligtly heavy most likely isn't the issue. It's probably your age and how it has changed your body. Men are naturally attracted to youth. That's why the vast majority of porn stars and bikini/lingerie models are under 30. There is a huge demand for porn in which the girls are "barely legal," aged 18-20.

 

I've read several articles that state that the reason men go though a midlife crisis is not because of his age, but the age of his wife.

[GorillaTheater]

There are a lot of crap answers on this thread, if you'll pardon me for saying so. I'm 48, my wife is 46. Both of us are in pretty decent shape, but time and kids and life means neither one of us has a future in the underwear modeling industry. But I still lust my ass off for her on a very regular basis. We've shared 27 married years together. In spite of the problems we've had and, yeah, are still having, I still see the 16-year-old girl I met on Glaveston beach whenever I look at her.

 

It's not you Sanga, it's him, and I'm very sorry for that.

[GooseChaser]

There are a lot of crap answers on this thread, if you'll pardon me for saying so.

I resent that remark. I don't see what's so "crap" about the answers so far.

 

In spite of the problems we've had and, yeah, are still having, I still see the 16-year-old girl I met on Glaveston beach whenever I look at her.

That is cute.

 

It's not you Sanga, it's him, and I'm very sorry for that.

Agreed.

 

That's another good point that Sanga brought up, though! He should be able to look past your age and still love you for who you are.

[Star Gazer]

Couple of points.

 

At 5'7, 155, you are slightly over weight. According to this

 

http://idealweightforwomen.net/ideal-weight-for-women/ideal-weight-for-women-find-out-here

 

The ideal weight for a 5'7 woman is 135 with the range being 121-159 pounds. Granted you are a mature woman with a slower metabolism.

 

How exactly is she OVER weight when she fits in the healthy range??

[GooseChaser]

How exactly is she OVER weight when she fits in the healthy range??

 

Oh, that's good that she is in the healthy range! Being healthy is the big thing to aim for.

[Mad Max]

Ideally, she might be a bit overweight, but she's still in the average range, though even there she's pushing it. I can't speak for all men, but I and the males I associate with don't expect models or even model bodies. One girl I was interested in was 5'8" and a good 200 pounds, but it was her personality that made her attractive. Men are less shallow than women give them credit for.

[alphamale]

Do all men have this Playboy fetish where they think their wives should look like 23 year old models all their lives?

well thats the ideal but we all have to live in reality

[Woggle]

For the same reason women do.

[TouchedByViolet]

I would say your husbands drive has little to do with you and everything to do with him. Maybe his biology has simply changed and he is ok with that but you are not? Sexual incompatibility?

[luvnpain]

It's human nature. Both men and women have unrealistic expectations about some things in life. Once we actually realize that the things we want are not realistic, then we can embrace reality and be happier. If we are always looking for greener grass, then satisfaction will never come. He should accept that physical attributes change, and you should accept that he thinks the way he does and not to personalize it. Notice I said should, because you really can't force this. I know that it won't get your needs met physically,but it may keep you from feeling so hurt.

[Zed]

For your age, you are fine. You are healthy, not suffering any physical ailments and apparently healthy and interested in life. If you all are both in your sixties then what the heck does he look like? Is he taut? Does he have washboard abs? Is he free of wrinkles, a busting gut, busted blood vessels, liverspots, and general all around sag? Does he realistically expect women 30-40 years younger then him to find him physically appealing?

 

I find it pathetic that he would deign to criticize you when he probably is no shining ageless Adonis himself. The fact that you still are sexually aware and interested in being with him while he callously disregards you and compares you to far younger women is unconscionable.

 

I live around a lot of seniors, many whom still respect, care, and desire each other and he definitely has the problem--not you.

[Enema]

Is it husbands fault if he isn't attracted to old women?

 

No. It's just how it is. You need to accept that he's not attracted to you and work out what you want to do.

 

There's no point huffing and puffing about his rationale.

[threebyfate]

I hope and wish I have a BMI of 24.3 at 63 years old. You're doing great so don't let your loser of a husband tell you otherwise. If your children are grown up, perhaps it's time to consider your own happiness and find yourself a real man who loves and wants to be with you rather than a man who craves his childhood.

 

My parents are in their sixties and they're disgusting together. Worse now than when I lived at home since they're more open about their attraction.

 

Don't settle for less.

[Joe Normal]

Well, for your own good you should exercise about 30 mins each day (with 1 day rest per week). If you are busy, you can still manage at least 10-15 mins every other day, there's no excuse for doing nothing at all. 150 is quite overweight for a 5'7 woman unless you have a big natural frame.

 

Still, at 60+ almost no one is going to be in tip top condition, so he should cut you some slack unless he's looking like Robert Redford himself. Maybe if you compromise - he acts with more sensitivity, you get into a regular workout routine (why not exercise together?) and then both of you should be better off.

[Joe Normal]

I hope and wish I have a BMI of 24.3 at 63 years old. You're doing great so don't let your loser of a husband tell you otherwise. If your children are grown up, perhaps it's time to consider your own happiness and find yourself a real man who loves and wants to be with you rather than a man who craves his childhood.

 

My parents are in their sixties and they're disgusting together. Worse now than when I lived at home since they're more open about their attraction.

 

Don't settle for less.

 

Cmon, dating as a divorcee at 63 is not exactly going to be easy, few eligible men are around at that age and the ones that are will generally go for a woman in her 40s or 50s. Far better to try and get her husband to behave a bit better, and put in more effort herself, than to divorce first. If they were 25 I'd agree but at 60+ it's different.

[Joe Normal]

Is it husbands fault if he isn't attracted to old women?

 

No. It's just how it is. You need to accept that he's not attracted to you and work out what you want to do.

 

There's no point huffing and puffing about his rationale.

 

She isn't "old women", she's his wife, slight difference. Sure, if he was single then I doubt he'd pick a 63 year old woman as his ideal fantasy figure, but the point of being married and in love is you don't just use your spouse as a real-life sex doll then toss them aside when they hit 30. In any case, I doubt he's a spring chicken himself.

[threebyfate]

Cmon, dating as a divorcee at 63 is not exactly going to be easy, few eligible men are around at that age and the ones that are will generally go for a woman in her 40s or 50s. Far better to try and get her husband to behave a bit better, and put in more effort herself, than to divorce first. If they were 25 I'd agree but at 60+ it's different.

What's the downside of dumping the loser? Like it's worthwhile remaining in a relationship with no respect and have to cajole Peter Pan into growing up? I'd rather slit my wrists than put up with the garbage the OP has referenced. Better to be single and happy, than in a horrible relationship.

[CupidsPosionedArrow]

My DH and I have been together for 30 years, married for 22. The first 7 years we were like magnets.. couldn't get enough of each other. Then we got married & things started to cool. Less & less frequent sex until now, it's been 6 months. You younger people won't believe that a woman of 63 can be passionate & yearn for sex, but I feel the same as I did at 25. My DH says that my body turns him off. I'm 5'7 and 155 lbs, and I don't feel like I'm overweight. I'm a size 10 and have a pretty face, get regular mani/pedi, nice hair, dress well. So what the HECK does he want? Do all men have this Playboy fetish where they think their wives should look like 23 year old models all their lives? I have had 3 children, I admit that I don't work out regularly, but I have other things to occupy my life. I'm thinking that I'd just rather hang out with girlfriends I can have fun with and who appreciate me for who I am, instead of being with a hypercritical man who expects the impossible.

 

Meh, just start sleeping with the mail man .. Actually I'd say our credentials are quite nice, instead of the mail man, call me .. muah! I'll be waiting .....

[norajane]

Your Dear Husband is probably lying. He probably can't get it up anymore, and he's too humiliated to be honest and tell you he's having trouble with his erections at his age, so he'd rather make you feel like sh*t by saying he's just not attracted to you anymore.

 

Ask him if that's what is going on. His blustery reaction will tell you that's the truth.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Is it husbands fault if he isn't attracted to old women?

 

No. It's just how it is. You need to accept that he's not attracted to you and work out what you want to do.

 

There's no point huffing and puffing about his rationale.

 

I'm guessing she gave him 3 kids and the better part of her life in devotion yeah he needs to grow up and act his age must suck to find out you married a wanker 25-30 years on sorry to hear op..

[Citizen Erased]

Your Dear Husband is probably lying. He probably can't get it up anymore, and he's too humiliated to be honest and tell you he's having trouble with his erections at his age, so he'd rather make you feel like sh*t by saying he's just not attracted to you anymore.

 

Ask him if that's what is going on. His blustery reaction will tell you that's the truth.

 

My first thought. ^^ He probably couldn't get it up with a 110 pound 20 year old.

 

I find it unbelievable that people are saying a 63 year old woman that is a size 10 is overweight. I'd love to see how fit all of you are at 63 after 3 kids.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I think both men and women have unrealistic expectations about the appearance of a partner. Its because we are only 'allowed' one so we want that one to be perfect right? Only perfect doesn't exist. If you are in love, you don't care about the imperfections.

 

However love and lust are different. You can remain in love but fall out of lust, although often there is a connection. Is everything good elsewhere in the relationship? I don't think its as much to do about how you look, as perhaps it is about how you two relate to each other; sometimes the closer we are and the better we know each other, the more lust can kind of drift away for some reason. Lust thrives on mystery and the unknown, has your relationship become a bit predictable?

 

Also sometimes men and women see their choices and themselves reflected back in their partners. Maybe he has his own reservations/worried about growing old.