Where do I go from here………?

September 1, 2010

This is my very 1st post and I am sorry it may seem long, if you read it you will find out I may not know what I am doing and why

I was involved with a MM for 3yrs, I have known him for about 12 yrs, we worked together and were friends, but I got separated from my H, and he wanted to be the man to help me get over it.

Which at the time was fine for me, I had a few needs to be meet and did not want a real relationship yet, we both agreed that he had no intension of leaving his M. With this said the A began, and man was it way way more than I ever thought it was going to be, or like I had expected it to be (I have never been involved in A before and never ever thought I would be) but here I was and I was overwhelmed and MM was more overwhelmed than I was. I tried to keep the A hidden partly because my soon to be xH worked with us and the MM said his W would over look it if she thought he was having an A, but was sure he would be put out if W was aware of one (I worked myself crazy) but MM seemed to have no shame and pursued me without mercy or concern of consequence and I just quit trying to hide it.

After about 2 ½ yrs into the A, in Jan. his W found out (someone from our work told her) and W called me, questioned me and accused me of doing this to her and to her family and that she knew that I pursued him and then put him on the phone to tell me we could not see each other anymore, I told W i loved him and MM told W he loved me, but said he had to try to work things out for his child and the fact they had been married for 23 yrs. His W also involved his child by telling her that MM was not her real father, a donor was used to conceive her and she also had the child read the txts that I had sent to MM as well as the ones he had sent to me … MM child was 12 at the time. I respected his decision and removed myself completely (I thought I was going to die) until he changed his decision…about 9 days later.

And the A continued just as it had been before except we did not text anymore, we talked all day at work and on the phone after work, we still meet and we were still all consumed by one another. MM did not slow down with who know at work either, again no shame there, and that is very hard to resist and even harder when you don’t want to. In March his W learned of the A again (the phone bill), and again she called me, and again asked me why I was doing this to her, I told her she needed to speak to her H about this and stop just blaming me, that fell on deaf ears. I asked my MM, what are you going to do now… MM told me that if he had wanted different results he would have made different choices, he also said he told his W he loved me and W went to see an attorney and that I needed to tell my soon to be xH, before he heard it from someone else, which I did that day. MM was put out of his house, he wanted to stay with me but he did not want me to have any problems with my D and I had a grown son living at home at the time. MM was out of his house for one night and told me the next day he had to go home and try to work things out if he could… again I respected his decision, two days later MM had my best friend call me to tell me he loved me and to tell me he was sorry he was so weak. MM returned to the A about 5 days later, MM said he just could not leave me and I told him I would not continue to do this (that was hollow on my part) but stayed involved. (I know)

He and his W went to marriage counseling, got matching tattoos and W planned a trip for just the two of them all the while MM still pursued me, this was a very difficult time. In April the W found out we were still talking and checked him about it, but all that came of it was an email from W to me with the same stuff, but the A continued.

Well, in June I got my divorce and MM went on his trip w/W….when MM came back he did not stop pursuing me just like always. My xH knowing all of this had a ax to grind with the MM, so in July he called the W a week back from their vacation and told her the A had never ended since Jan, and gave W all kinds of information he had gotten from my house, phone and things I had said ( my xH said he was ok with the A and understood because we loved each other and forgave me but he did not like seeing me hurt by the MM and keeping my head messed up so he told the W).

The MM’s W had him come to the attorneys office and sign his half of all their assets over to her (the W had the papers drawn up in March) and the MM admitted to W and the attorney that he was in love with me and everything my xH told her was all true. W put MM out of his home. MM went to a hotel and called me and asked me to come there to be with him, which I did. W showed up about an hour later and made a scene, so I left, but while leaving the W made a huge scene in the parking lot.

The next day I was going to meet the MM, but he went home and told me he could not be with me, even though he loved me, and he would not be coming back to me this time….. hard to hear, so I reacted and put something stupid on fb (because I was so mature and drunk) and wrote him and his W a nasty email. Perfect!! I made it where MM could not come back and I was the bad person…. I am sick, that decision has hurt my job ( my job changed, my hours got changed and have been shunned by co workers—nothing happened to the MM or my xH), my heart and my quality of life… but what is done is done , now it is August and I have not heard anything, the W did make the MM get an apartment for about 2 weeks and said he needed to stay gone for 6 months and then W would see if she would take him back, but like I said MM was back in short order. MM did tell my xH that he loved me and it was a real relationship and he is very confused but he had to work this out.

Now I am very confused, hurt and lost…. I just don’t know what to do with myself, I am being treated for major depression right now trying to get a handle on all that has happened…and I cannot make heads or tails of it. Me and the MM have not spoke in almost 2 months and I miss him like I have never missed anyone…. I do not understand what the hell happened………I will take criticism, but I would like to know I am not alone here, support, advice, fortune teller, spiritual guidance, insight or just understanding…I have never pursued him but I do miss him and love him and I have no idea where I go from here…………………………….

September 1, 2010

Where do I go from here………?

The MM’s W had him come to the attorneys office and sign his half of all their assets over to her (the W had the papers drawn up in March) and the MM admitted to W and the attorney that he was in love with me and everything my xH told her was all true. W put MM out of his home. MM went to a hotel and called me and asked me to come there to be with him, which I did. W showed up about an hour later and made a scene, so I left, but while leaving the W made a huge scene in the parking lot.

The next day I was going to meet the MM, but he went home and told me he could not be with me, even though he loved me, and he would not be coming back to me this time….. hard to hear, so I reacted and put something stupid on fb (because I was so mature and drunk) and wrote him and his W a nasty email. Perfect!! I made it where MM could not come back and I was the bad person…. I am sick, that decision has hurt my job ( my job changed, my hours got changed and have been shunned by co workers—nothing happened to the MM or my xH), my heart and my quality of life… but what is done is done , now it is August and I have not heard anything, the W did make the MM get an apartment for about 2 weeks and said he needed to stay gone for 6 months and then W would see if she would take him back, but like I said MM was back in short order. MM did tell my xH that he loved me and it was a real relationship and he is very confused but he had to work this out.

I have no idea where I go from here…………………………….

You have been severely traumatised, and in bold, if I were you I would do nothing except for everything that is nurturing to you...((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))), and I am so sorry for what you've been though...I sense major trauma 2TMAB...are you in IC?

I would stay away (the best you can, if you see/hear it, run the other way) from all critism, negativity and things of that nature. Like your co-workers there are people in life that make it their life mission to make sure others know exactly where and what they've done wrong, I would avoid all such types like the plague...as you could be entering (or already in ) a very hypersensitive state...

Hey keep posting....(((((hugs again:))))

September 1, 2010

I'm very sorry that you're hurting. It's hard to be where you are now, but it will get better with time. I know that's not much consolation, but it's true.

MM may have very well loved you, but the cold, hard truth is that the W has a stronger hold on him. Maybe not via love, but through commitment, family, assets, etc.

You mentioned being treated for depression. I hope that treatment includes counseling to help you deal with this. If it doesn't, please consider it.

Regardless of the intentions or truthfulness of MM, the pain you are feeling is very real. The expectations and faith you had in the R was real. You will have to mourn this and get through it the same as any other major loss in your life.

thank you ....... i have been in counseling since jan. as well and that does help a lot. and yes i do feel as though i am in mourning of a real death... i do thank you again that is all i can say thank you !!!!!

September 1, 2010

You have been severely traumatised, and in bold, if I were you I would do nothing except for everything that is nurturing to you...((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))), and I am so sorry for what you've been though...I sense major trauma 2TMAB...are you in IC?

I would stay away (the best you can, if you see/hear it, run the other way) from all critism, negativity and things of that nature. Like your co-workers there are people in life that make it their life mission to make sure others know exactly where and what they've done wrong, I would avoid all such types like the plague...as you could be entering (or already in ) a very hypersensitive state...

Hey keep posting....(((((hugs again:))))

YOU REALLY do UNDERSTAND where i am coming from and what i am going through ... wow, thank you for your support and you are so right i am almost afraid to leave my house because i am not up for anymore hurt right now so you hit it on the head with your advice........ i wish there was another way to say thank you but just know it is very heartfelt thank you !!!!!! your post brought tears to my eyes...in a good way it gave me hope and i am low on that right now, so you to keep posting as well ..... Thanks for the hugs too

September 1, 2010

YOU REALLY do UNDERSTAND where i am coming from and what i am going through ... wow, thank you for your support and you are so right i am almost afraid to leave my house because i am not up for anymore hurt right now so you hit it on the head with your advice........ i wish there was another way to say thank you but just know it is very heartfelt thank you !!!!!! your post brought tears to my eyes...in a good way it gave me hope and i am low on that right now, so you to keep posting as well ..... Thanks for the hugs too

and yes i am IC... hopefully we will find a cure !!!

September 1, 2010

My xH knowing all of this had a ax to grind with the MM, so in July he called the W a week back from their vacation and told her the A had never ended since Jan, and gave W all kinds of information he had gotten from my house, phone and things I had said ( my xH said he was ok with the A and understood because we loved each other and forgave me but he did not like seeing me hurt by the MM and keeping my head messed up so he told the W).

glad he told his W info she needed that was being denied her.

And I don't best him one bit for outing your MM, but for him to have an axe to grind with MM, but fold like a cheap suit when dealing with you is out of balance since you were the one that directly betrayed him, not the MM.

The MM’s W had him come to the attorneys office and sign his half of all their assets over to her (the W had the papers drawn up in March) and the MM admitted to W and the attorney that he was in love with me and everything my xH told her was all true. W put MM out of his home.

good for her. I think all cheaters should be the ones to leave the home.

MM went to a hotel and called me and asked me to come there to be with him, which I did. W showed up about an hour later and made a scene, so I left, but while leaving the W made a huge scene in the parking lot.

well once she got half his stuff and kicked him out, that is where she should really care less and say, "I got what I wanted out of him, she can have him now" I sure wouldn't have bothered with showing up at the hotel if I were her.

The next day I was going to meet the MM, but he went home and told me he could not be with me, even though he loved me, and he would not be coming back to me this time….. hard to hear, so I reacted and put something stupid on fb (because I was so mature and drunk) and wrote him and his W a nasty email.

why the wife? you are the one as the accomplice to her betrayal. she has every right to have animosity towards you. I'd say grin and bear it with regards to her. You made your bed.

Perfect!! I made it where MM could not come back and I was the bad person…. I am sick, that decision has hurt my job ( my job changed, my hours got changed and have been shunned by co workers—nothing happened to the MM or my xH)

why should anything happen to your xH? is this a desire for insult to injury thing?

my heart and my quality of life… but what is done is done , now it is August and I have not heard anything, the W did make the MM get an apartment for about 2 weeks and said he needed to stay gone for 6 months and then W would see if she would take him back

why when he signed papers turning over half of the marital assets? are they not getting divorced and she just had an attorney bend him over and take half out of him so she could put it away somewhere he couldn't touch later? I'm not following.

I do not understand what the hell happened………I will take criticism, but I would like to know I am not alone here, support, advice, fortune teller, spiritual guidance, insight or just understanding…I have never pursued him but I do miss him and love him and I have no idea where I go from here…………………………….

where you go from here? get your life in order and find a man who isn't a cheater and a liar (even though you did the same to your xH).

get the help you need, get on Xanax, whatever. But you need to make better choices and stay away from married men next time.

If you decide you want to wait for a cheating lying, MM, then you will learn the hard way later when your relationship gets some age on it. Leopards don't change their spots.

September 1, 2010

I completely understand your hurt right now.

I've been on and off with my MM for 4 years. He left his W and moved out for 3 months but then went back home. This devastated me more than words can describe. But, two months later he contacted me. Just like you, it never seems to end. The MM always seem to find a way back into our lives. My MM had done than more times than I care to remember. But, it is me who has allowed him to be able to do this. He knows that when he starts to miss me, he can talk his way back into my life.

Not this time, I've been NC for 9 weeks. When I ended things 9 weeks ago, I told him to never contact me again unless he was D. Well, he sent me an email two days ago. I WILL NOT respond. I'm done with this vicious cycle. I will no longer let him back into my life as long as he is M.

Two months is a long time. Don't throw it away. Maintain NC! I honestly feel your pain, I've been through everything you have. This is truly like enduring the death of a loved one. I know how you feel. I still struggle with wanting to contact him. I miss MM so badly still. Some days, the pain is nearly impossible to endure. But, I know that contacting him will really mess with my head. I'm far from being cured of this heart break, but I've regained so much of myself back. Please stick with NC. You are going to have good days and bad days. Post here on your bad days. You are not alone and I believe you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. A lot of people can only wish they were this far into NC. If I had to go back to day 1 because I had a weak moment and decided to contact him, I'd be so disappointed in myself.

Keep your head up, you're doing the right thing.

I'm sorry about the repercussions at work. All you can do is work through it. Perhaps look for a new job. You'll just need to give this some time. Time is a great healer in many aspects of life. People will not hold this against you forever. And if they do, these are people you don't need in life anyway. Just keep pushing forward, you will come out of this a better and stronger person.

September 1, 2010

Hey Sweetie,

I really feel for you. I'm very sorry that you have to suffer through this pain. I'm glad that you found this forum. It can really be helpful when going through these types of situations.

When we look at things like the situation you're in, and how MM is obviously married to a mnipulative b**ch that's willing to hurt her own child to manipulate him into staying, we can't help but be baffled by why he would end up with her and not with you - but his W obviously has a very strong unhealthy hold on him, and even though he does love you, he's there as a result of his bad choices.

You happiness will be a result of your choices from now on. I know its very difficult, but try to stick to NC with him (easier said than done - I can't even always do that - but I keep trying). Keep doing the therapy, and posting here and keep yourself busy with fun hobbies you enjoy doing.

I truly hope that you feel better soon. It will take time, but you'll get there.

***HUGS****

September 1, 2010

Oh how awful. I hope you realize how poorly he has been treating you. Hugs and good luck finding peace.

September 1, 2010

When we look at things like the situation you're in, and how MM is obviously married to a mnipulative b**ch that's willing to hurt her own child to manipulate him into staying, we can't help but be baffled by why he would end up with her and not with you - but his W obviously has a very strong unhealthy hold on him, and even though he does love you, he's there as a result of his bad choices.

Wow. What color is the sky on your planet? The affair was wrong, MM betraying his wife and children was wrong. The wife has every right to be angry with her husband who cheated on her. The wife even went to marriage counseling while MM still pursued the OW! Now that's low.

If he was a REAL man he should have left his wife THEN hooked up with 2themoon&back. Instead he screwed over two women, 2themoon&back AND his wife. The MM is the villain in this story.

September 1, 2010

Wow. What color is the sky on your planet? The affair was wrong, MM betraying his wife and children was wrong. The wife has every right to be angry with her husband who cheated on her. The wife even went to marriage counseling while MM still pursued the OW! Now that's low.

If he was a REAL man he should have left his wife THEN hooked up with 2themoon&back. Instead he screwed over two women, 2themoon&back AND his wife. The MM is the villain in this story.

He sure is the villain in this story!

Sorry for your pain. It is horrible to be on this rollercoaster of on again and off again and on again and off again.

I'm sorry for her pain too. She gave him all those chances to be a better man, to make a decision, to leave confidently and conclusively, and he just kept waffling between his love for you and.....what exactly? His child?

I feel sorry for that child living in the midst of all this craziness and acrimony; parents see-sawing out of control and blowing apart with hatred and acrimony.

His inability to make a decision has COST HIM EVERYTHING: You, her, his child.

I hope time will heal this for you, time and counseling. And while I know you miss him terribly, I hope in time you find the resolve to move on and away from this train wreck.

Because I believe it will only get worse before it gets better. Please do not contact him. This situation is way too volatile.

I do not want anything dangerous or violent to happen to you.

Be careful, very careful, here. There are some people who LOVE the drama of twomen or two women fighting over them. What an ego boost! They almost fuel it!

I think that is what is happening here. Please stay away for your own safety. This is sounding like a very dangerous game being played between your OM and his wife.

September 1, 2010

Dexter Morgan

thank you for your insight and i am not sure you need/want me to respond to your post, but i will take everything you worte and consider it... in case you do want a response

thanks

September 1, 2010

I completely understand your hurt right now.

I've been on and off with my MM for 4 years. He left his W and moved out for 3 months but then went back home. This devastated me more than words can describe. But, two months later he contacted me. Just like you, it never seems to end. The MM always seem to find a way back into our lives. My MM had done than more times than I care to remember. But, it is me who has allowed him to be able to do this. He knows that when he starts to miss me, he can talk his way back into my life.

Not this time, I've been NC for 9 weeks. When I ended things 9 weeks ago, I told him to never contact me again unless he was D. Well, he sent me an email two days ago. I WILL NOT respond. I'm done with this vicious cycle. I will no longer let him back into my life as long as he is M.

Two months is a long time. Don't throw it away. Maintain NC! I honestly feel your pain, I've been through everything you have. This is truly like enduring the death of a loved one. I know how you feel. I still struggle with wanting to contact him. I miss MM so badly still. Some days, the pain is nearly impossible to endure. But, I know that contacting him will really mess with my head. I'm far from being cured of this heart break, but I've regained so much of myself back. Please stick with NC. You are going to have good days and bad days. Post here on your bad days. You are not alone and I believe you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. A lot of people can only wish they were this far into NC. If I had to go back to day 1 because I had a weak moment and decided to contact him, I'd be so disappointed in myself.

Keep your head up, you're doing the right thing.

I'm sorry about the repercussions at work. All you can do is work through it. Perhaps look for a new job. You'll just need to give this some time. Time is a great healer in many aspects of life. People will not hold this against you forever. And if they do, these are people you don't need in life anyway. Just keep pushing forward, you will come out of this a better and stronger person.

Thank you for sharing ... it is though you read my heart .... and i know you feel my pain... i started a journal to my MM, not one he will every read of course but one i can write to him and say all the things i want to say, it is a way to help with the NC, when i get the urge to contact him, i write him a letter in the journal, that may sound silly but for me it seems to be something i need to do for now.

as far as my job, i did work for a month after the blowup, but i just could not take it, so i have been off for a month and may be off a while longer, i have so many things to deal with there and i am also dealing with an empty nest since june... i am working very hard as i know you are as well to keep going in a direction that is positive for us...and i know we will get there dragging our hearts behind us!!!!

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September 1, 2010

TigerCub

your kindness and support are so very needed and appreciated... and thank you for reading my post and validating what i thought also... you also gave me some hope i can and will make it .....

i will keep posting and i hope give back all i have gotten here !!!

September 1, 2010

Oh how awful. I hope you realize how poorly he has been treating you. Hugs and good luck finding peace.

i know do know and i also know how poorly i have treated myself... that is one thing that has me so upset....hugs back at you

September 1, 2010

OMG, how completely devastating. I am so sorry for your situation and what you have been put through, because you've just been put through something awful. From an objective point of view, it seems like the relationship MM has with his W is toxic, that is to say, none of what you describe is rational behavior. When people are hurt this badly, they do very strange things, but this feels pretty severe. And quite frankly, if you were my friend I would say THANK GOD you are out of that so you can start to recover.

The other advice you've received is good and that is:

1) Stay NC. This is seriously the only way to get ahold of your emotions and start to see a bit more clearly. It is so difficult and painful, but it works. It stops you from getting back into a relationship with a MM that is clearly taking you nowhere. His feelings for you are irrelevant and he is demonstrating something very scary in the number of times he has put you through this.

2) Which leads me to... being yanked back and forth is what is making this more traumatic than the ending of "normal" relationship. Your mind can't tolerate the ride, it's confusing, it's painful, and it destroys your spirit. You lose yourself and your confidence in even knowing what day it is, let alone sort out what is going on. I've been there, it's brutal. He may in his heart somewhere want to be with you, but he's had one foot out the door and the other on a banana peel how many times and still couldn't pull the trigger, so he obviously for some reason can't be with you. And yet, he won't be kind enough to you to just let you go. Realize that when he reaches out to you again, he does not want what you want. And the reason doesn't matter. All that matters is....

3) You have to protect yourself. Love yourself, forgive yourself, and meet your new best friend - yourself. Realize that you are hurt and treat yourself like you would treat your best friend if she were hurt. For all the little accomplishments you make (like getting out of bed and going to work) congratulate yourself. Write things down and get it out of your system. Keep going to your counselor. And in your mind somewhere, please thank GOD that he is leaving you alone. That is the kindest thing it sounds like he's ever done to you.

And BTW, just to relate, My xMM was also someone I worked with, and it feels worse when this stuff bleeds into more than your personal world because you feel you have no place to go where he is not, and you get paranoid about it seeping in and affecting your credibility and reputation. So if you guys are a rumor topic, it will die down soon enough. And if you wanted to, when you're ready, you could try to make a strong effort to think about your job, what you're strengths are, what you like about it, and set specific goals towards your work that you can meet to gain confidence and re-set your framework there.

Finally, take it one day at a time, and realize that you deserve to be treated way better than what you described and that this behavior is not the behavior of a man who deserves to be with you.

Good luck and ((hugs)) to you....

September 1, 2010

The W sounds psychopatic and that would explain why she has such a strong hold on him, if he's a susceptible person to this sort of control and veiled emotional abuse.

That would explain a lot about the whole dynamics, why he was unable to pull himself away from you (he's looking for real love and support) and why you suffered so much (you were indirectly exposed to this toxic influence through him).

I wish I could write something that would help you feel better.

Many hugs to you, sweetie.

September 2, 2010

Where do I go from here………?

This is my very 1st post and I am sorry it may seem long, if you read it you will find out I may not know what I am doing and why

I was involved with a MM for 3yrs, I have known him for about 12 yrs, we worked together and were friends, but I got separated from my H, and he wanted to be the man to help me get over it.

Which at the time was fine for me, I had a few needs to be meet and did not want a real relationship yet, we both agreed that he had no intension of leaving his M. With this said the A began, and man was it way way more than I ever thought it was going to be, or like I had expected it to be (I have never been involved in A before and never ever thought I would be) but here I was and I was overwhelmed and MM was more overwhelmed than I was. I tried to keep the A hidden partly because my soon to be xH worked with us and the MM said his W would over look it if she thought he was having an A, but was sure he would be put out if W was aware of one (I worked myself crazy) but MM seemed to have no shame and pursued me without mercy or concern of consequence and I just quit trying to hide it.

After about 2 ½ yrs into the A, in Jan. his W found out (someone from our work told her) and W called me, questioned me and accused me of doing this to her and to her family and that she knew that I pursued him and then put him on the phone to tell me we could not see each other anymore, I told W i loved him and MM told W he loved me, but said he had to try to work things out for his child and the fact they had been married for 23 yrs. His W also involved his child by telling her that MM was not her real father, a donor was used to conceive her and she also had the child read the txts that I had sent to MM as well as the ones he had sent to me … MM child was 12 at the time. I respected his decision and removed myself completely (I thought I was going to die) until he changed his decision…about 9 days later.

And the A continued just as it had been before except we did not text anymore, we talked all day at work and on the phone after work, we still meet and we were still all consumed by one another. MM did not slow down with who know at work either, again no shame there, and that is very hard to resist and even harder when you don’t want to. In March his W learned of the A again (the phone bill), and again she called me, and again asked me why I was doing this to her, I told her she needed to speak to her H about this and stop just blaming me, that fell on deaf ears. I asked my MM, what are you going to do now… MM told me that if he had wanted different results he would have made different choices, he also said he told his W he loved me and W went to see an attorney and that I needed to tell my soon to be xH, before he heard it from someone else, which I did that day. MM was put out of his house, he wanted to stay with me but he did not want me to have any problems with my D and I had a grown son living at home at the time. MM was out of his house for one night and told me the next day he had to go home and try to work things out if he could… again I respected his decision, two days later MM had my best friend call me to tell me he loved me and to tell me he was sorry he was so weak. MM returned to the A about 5 days later, MM said he just could not leave me and I told him I would not continue to do this (that was hollow on my part) but stayed involved. (I know)

He and his W went to marriage counseling, got matching tattoos and W planned a trip for just the two of them all the while MM still pursued me, this was a very difficult time. In April the W found out we were still talking and checked him about it, but all that came of it was an email from W to me with the same stuff, but the A continued.

Well, in June I got my divorce and MM went on his trip w/W….when MM came back he did not stop pursuing me just like always. My xH knowing all of this had a ax to grind with the MM, so in July he called the W a week back from their vacation and told her the A had never ended since Jan, and gave W all kinds of information he had gotten from my house, phone and things I had said ( my xH said he was ok with the A and understood because we loved each other and forgave me but he did not like seeing me hurt by the MM and keeping my head messed up so he told the W).

The MM’s W had him come to the attorneys office and sign his half of all their assets over to her (the W had the papers drawn up in March) and the MM admitted to W and the attorney that he was in love with me and everything my xH told her was all true. W put MM out of his home. MM went to a hotel and called me and asked me to come there to be with him, which I did. W showed up about an hour later and made a scene, so I left, but while leaving the W made a huge scene in the parking lot.

The next day I was going to meet the MM, but he went home and told me he could not be with me, even though he loved me, and he would not be coming back to me this time….. hard to hear, so I reacted and put something stupid on fb (because I was so mature and drunk) and wrote him and his W a nasty email. Perfect!! I made it where MM could not come back and I was the bad person…. I am sick, that decision has hurt my job ( my job changed, my hours got changed and have been shunned by co workers—nothing happened to the MM or my xH), my heart and my quality of life… but what is done is done , now it is August and I have not heard anything, the W did make the MM get an apartment for about 2 weeks and said he needed to stay gone for 6 months and then W would see if she would take him back, but like I said MM was back in short order. MM did tell my xH that he loved me and it was a real relationship and he is very confused but he had to work this out.

Now I am very confused, hurt and lost…. I just don’t know what to do with myself, I am being treated for major depression right now trying to get a handle on all that has happened…and I cannot make heads or tails of it. Me and the MM have not spoke in almost 2 months and I miss him like I have never missed anyone…. I do not understand what the hell happened………I will take criticism, but I would like to know I am not alone here, support, advice, fortune teller, spiritual guidance, insight or just understanding…I have never pursued him but I do miss him and love him and I have no idea where I go from here…………………………….

Moon, can I call you Moon?

It sounds as though all the power came from MM in your A and all his power was overtaken by his W. Now it appears that their combined power has stipped you of your very being, now that you have to take anti-depressants.

He waltzed right in, you let him.

He teeter/tottered, you let him.

She jerked him out of your life, you let him back in.

When is MOON going to take control? When does MOON have any say?

Honey, pick yourself up by the bootstraps and kick some major ass! Don't be stuck in depression, get back into anger. Trust me, this is my trend too, but when I remember that I have a choice to turn depression (anger turned inwards) back into anger, then I have the energy to make good decisions for myself. And you don't need meds to do that!

Can you transfer at work? I would hate having to deal with my MM if we broke up and I had to work with him. I'm kind of lucky that way.

Best of luck to you. I hope you find the support you need.

((((Moon))))

September 2, 2010

Wow. What color is the sky on your planet? The affair was wrong, MM betraying his wife and children was wrong. The wife has every right to be angry with her husband who cheated on her. The wife even went to marriage counseling while MM still pursued the OW! Now that's low.

If he was a REAL man he should have left his wife THEN hooked up with 2themoon&back. Instead he screwed over two women, 2themoon&back AND his wife. The MM is the villain in this story.

I'm saying that from the story, the W seems like a very vindictive manipulative bitch, especially by the fact that she was willing to severly damage her own child by dropping it on here that her dad isn't really her dad, and making her read texts that were exchanged between the "dad" and his lover.

If in your books, that's fine, and the W is a stand up woman, that's fine, that's your standard.

I never mentioned anything about the MM being awesome or commented on if he's a villan or not.

He should have left the W before starting anything up - but he didn't BUT she chose to hurt their child terribly just to get back @ him - that makes her a bitch in my books.

September 2, 2010

TigerCub

your kindness and support are so very needed and appreciated... and thank you for reading my post and validating what i thought also... you also gave me some hope i can and will make it .....

i will keep posting and i hope give back all i have gotten here !!!

Anytime Moon

@ times like these, you need all the support you can get.

Stay strong hun

September 2, 2010

Dexter Morgan

thank you for your insight and i am not sure you need/want me to respond to your post, but i will take everything you worte and consider it... in case you do want a response

thanks

not really in need, just curious why the anger of someone you help to hurt in real life isn't understandable, and why you would want anything to happen to your xH. I don't get it, why do you want anything to happen to your xH? Seems as if he completely forgave you for what you did, and you want something to "happen" to him?

September 2, 2010

The W sounds psychopatic

being betrayed and hurt by people in real life can do that to some people.

September 2, 2010

i know do know and i also know how poorly i have treated myself... that is one thing that has me so upset....hugs back at you

It looks MM treated you just like you treated your Ex-H . You dumped your H for your MM and MM dumped you for his wife . Nothing different .

September 2, 2010

It looks MM treated you just like you treated your Ex-H . You dumped your H for your MM and MM dumped you for his wife . Nothing different .

i am sorry i may have not made this part clear, i was already getting a divorce before i got involved with MM.

me and my xH, had issues that we both agreed we were not willing to work through and decided to go our own way and dated other people and remained friends.

The ax my xH with the MM, they were friends and MM could have told him, because MM knew that our marriage was over all that was left was the paperwork...this is why he was not upset with me when i told him about the A, the reason i did not tell him sooner was for the protection of MM -M, not myself with my xH.

i did not dump anyone for anyone even though you are correct the MM dumped me... and thank you for pointing out the obvious.

i appreciate your insight, it is refreshing to see that things can still be black and white, even when I can only see the gray right now due to the fact … I was dumped by MM and am now feeling very sorry for myself that I did not have the good sense to remove myself from this situation or not to get involved in the first place… thank you again

and my xH is still my friend and has been a great support through all of this.

September 2, 2010

Moon, can I call you Moon?

It sounds as though all the power came from MM in your A and all his power was overtaken by his W. Now it appears that their combined power has stipped you of your very being, now that you have to take anti-depressants.

He waltzed right in, you let him.

He teeter/tottered, you let him.

She jerked him out of your life, you let him back in.

When is MOON going to take control? When does MOON have any say?

Honey, pick yourself up by the bootstraps and kick some major ass! Don't be stuck in depression, get back into anger. Trust me, this is my trend too, but when I remember that I have a choice to turn depression (anger turned inwards) back into anger, then I have the energy to make good decisions for myself. And you don't need meds to do that!

Can you transfer at work? I would hate having to deal with my MM if we broke up and I had to work with him. I'm kind of lucky that way.

Best of luck to you. I hope you find the support you need.

((((Moon))))

yes you can call me moon it is fine ... as for your observation... you are 99% right, i did have that stellar moment, the one when i was hurt, drunk and angry, (have not had anything to drink since and of course not while taking these meds) that did more damage to me!! but it is a two sided sword, it instilled the NC, and the opportunity for me to start to heal, i guess.

i do know the stages of grief and you are right i do believe anger will come it is not today, or yesterday... but one day!! that is why i came to LS to get insight to chaos and give me other perspectives, mine is distorted at the moment....your post means a lot to me and thank you for taking the time to share we me….

Hugs to as well

i am looking to transfer as soon as i get my head back in the game....

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