Dad_of_2_great_boys Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Me : Betrayed husband 43 Her : Wayward Wife 43 2 boys (great kids) 6 &11 She admitted affair. I made 4 needs known. 1. Stop all contact 2. Be open and don't keep lying 3. Doctor's check-up 4. Professional couples counselling. Before she got done with either 3 & 4 she violated 1 & 2. I filed for divorce. She will be served tomorrow. ----------------------------------------------------------- I start seeking affidavits supporting my fitness as a parent. Go to the neighbors first. Everyone I talked to had known, suspected, or heard rumors. They all shared it with their spouses. For months I have been wondering, confirming, and building my case. I perceived her only "power" over me was the embarrassment factor of being a bad husband who was unable to satisfy his wife. Turns out everyone already knew. On top of my emotions for my current situation, I am now somewhat torn with the relationships of my neighbors. I know no-one wants to step in based on rumors and suspicions. And I now understand their choosing to alienate us for the acts of my wife. I appreciate every one of them offering support, affidavits and anything to help with the kids. But I am still puzzled at where is our societies responsibility to intervene? Has anyone else had a similar experience?
YellowShark Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 (edited) But I am still puzzled at where is our societies responsibility to intervene? Has anyone else had a similar experience? Here's my situation. We are in the same age bracket. Many of my neighbors were also good friends and part of our social circle. But I was informed by an EX of one of the neighbors only AFTER she had moved away that something may be going on between my EX and the MM-across-the-street-with-the-pregnant-wife. But really it's not the neighbors responsibility to inform you of your wife's affair based upon suspicions. These rumors could have been be wrong. It is only now that you find out who is a true friend and who is not. Sadly in my case 95% of them have fallen victim to the gaslighting that my EX and the MM-across-the-street-with-the-pregnant-wife are currently pulling. I've moved away with my son, and their gaslighting story is "it never happened and I made it all up." To which I reply to those neighbors, "Then what you are saying is that I up and decided one day to frame a close friend - MM-with-the-pregnant-wife - and my EX-of-seven-years because?..." So I have black-holed those neighbors as they are virtually sleeping with the enemy. The remaining 5% have really stepped up and said, "I believe you and suspected something for some time." So now I know who my true friends really are. It REALLY sucks because they all know me very well, and I would NEVER EVER make up such a ludicrous story in order to frame a guy who I was good friends with for four years - see: MM-with-the-pregnant-wife - and my EX-of-seven-years. It adds insult to injury IMHO, so I have gone NC with those neighbors as well. Some of them even still party with my EX and MM-with-pregnant-wife. Hopefully one day they will see past the gaslighting that my EX and the MM-across-the-street-with-the-pregnant-wife are pulling. All I can say is some of your neighbors will surprise you.. good and bad. Good luck! Edited September 1, 2010 by YellowShark
Iconoclast Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 But I am still puzzled at where is our societies responsibility to intervene? To be fair to the neighbors, would you intervene on hearsay, and suspicion? The results could be devastating, and the information could be wrong. Not to mention potential violence against the messenger. Quite a bit to ask. Really close friends is a different story though.
Author Dad_of_2_great_boys Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 To be fair to the neighbors, would you intervene on hearsay, and suspicion? The results could be devastating, and the information could be wrong. Not to mention potential violence against the messenger. Quite a bit to ask. Really close friends is a different story though. Agreed. i just don't know Obviously they talk amongst themselves but not include me.....
karnak Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Sadly in my case 95% of them have fallen victim to the gaslighting that my EX and the MM-across-the-street-with-the-pregnant-wife are currently pulling. I've moved away with my son, and their gaslighting story is "it never happened and I made it all up." To which I reply to those neighbors, "Then what you are saying is that I up and decided one day to frame a close friend - MM-with-the-pregnant-wife - and my EX-of-seven-years because?..." So I have black-holed those neighbors as they are virtually sleeping with the enemy. The remaining 5% have really stepped up and said, "I believe you and suspected something for some time." QUOTE] Your statement goes in favour of my opinion that 90% of people have no real character at all (ie they act only according to their selfish desires or interests). Probably some of those 95% neighbours are trying to have sex with your ex-wife (they're not gaslighted - they just want a "piece of the action").
YellowShark Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 (edited) Your statement goes in favour of my opinion that 90% of people have no real character at all (ie they act only according to their selfish desires or interests). Probably some of those 95% neighbours are trying to have sex with your ex-wife (they're not gaslighted - they just want a "piece of the action"). I dunno if they "want a piece of the action," but I repeatedly helped MM-across-the-street-with-the-pregnant-wife with his business, my son cut his lawn, we were even at a dinner party at his house with many of them the night I caught MM and my EX necking on my deck later that evening. So the fact that they can still party with MM-across-the-street-with-the-pregnant-wife and my EX like nothing happened leads me to conclude they have no morals or character at all. So I've dust-binned those neighbors as "enemies of the state." It hurts because I am only human, and I would never ever make up such a ridiculous story about my EX and MM. Agreed. i just don't know Obviously they talk amongst themselves but not include me..... They were probably afraid to include you. But still, it's not their place to inform you based upon rumor and innuendo. Edited September 1, 2010 by YellowShark
Darth Vader Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Me : Betrayed husband 43 Her : Wayward Wife 43 2 boys (great kids) 6 &11 She admitted affair. I made 4 needs known. 1. Stop all contact 2. Be open and don't keep lying 3. Doctor's check-up 4. Professional couples counselling. Before she got done with either 3 & 4 she violated 1 & 2. I filed for divorce. She will be served tomorrow. ----------------------------------------------------------- I start seeking affidavits supporting my fitness as a parent. Go to the neighbors first. Everyone I talked to had known, suspected, or heard rumors. They all shared it with their spouses. For months I have been wondering, confirming, and building my case. I perceived her only "power" over me was the embarrassment factor of being a bad husband who was unable to satisfy his wife. Turns out everyone already knew. On top of my emotions for my current situation, I am now somewhat torn with the relationships of my neighbors. I know no-one wants to step in based on rumors and suspicions. And I now understand their choosing to alienate us for the acts of my wife. I appreciate every one of them offering support, affidavits and anything to help with the kids. But I am still puzzled at where is our societies responsibility to intervene? Has anyone else had a similar experience? It's almost like waiting for the "bomb" to drop! Don't forget, she'll try to 180 you, say she's sorry and whatnot. Don't fall for it! Expect her to do anything! Expect her to get really nasty!
karnak Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 So the fact that they can still party with MM-across-the-street-with-the-pregnant-wife and my EX like nothing happened leads me to conclude they have no morals or character at all. So I've dust-binned those neighbors as "enemies of the state." A friend of mine (of more than 15 years) is cheating on his wife recently. I told him that, unless he reveals the truth to his wife, I will have no more contact with him. And I also told him that if I ever see his wife I'll tell her what's happening. They've been married for 10 years and have an 11 year old daughter - he's 33, his wife is 36. The guy's cheating on his wife with a crazy 19 year old chick (she has severe mental/emotional issues). She's driven him completely mad with sex. As you see, guys, this kind of thing doesn't happen to women only. Yup, most people (specially cheaters) have no character at all.
phineas Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 My neighbors knew. Hard not to notice someone who wasn't me going into my house while I was at work.
YellowShark Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 A friend of mine (of more than 15 years) is cheating on his wife recently. I told him that, unless he reveals the truth to his wife, I will have no more contact with him. And I told some of the ex-neighbors the same, I told them that if the roles were reversed I would not be sharing beers and having BBQs with the two people who betrayed/cheated on you. I have a moral code that I follow.
willowthewisp Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 You definately do find out who your real friends are when a spouse betrays you, either by cheating or abandonment.
Gfkr2 Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 You definately do find out who your real friends are when a spouse betrays you, either by cheating or abandonment. This is so true having lived it since D-day several months ago. Eventually, most good people figure out the real reason why a M fails and drops them like the POS they are.
You Go Girl Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 This is so true having lived it since D-day several months ago. Eventually, most good people figure out the real reason why a M fails and drops them like the POS they are. Some people too, realize that it usually isn't all black and white. My ex's brother grabs me and gives me a huge hug everytime he sees me, his best friends still are my friends, even though I was labeled the "WAS". Neighbors might think it isn't all black and white. They don't want to intervene or take sides in a marriage that they were never in the bed of, or a fly on the wall. The worst case scenarios are what I hear happens in NYC! People being mugged, shot at, etc., and passerbys scatter like the wind.
Darth Vader Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Some people too, realize that it usually isn't all black and white. My ex's brother grabs me and gives me a huge hug everytime he sees me, his best friends still are my friends, even though I was labeled the "WAS". Neighbors might think it isn't all black and white. They don't want to intervene or take sides in a marriage that they were never in the bed of, or a fly on the wall. The worst case scenarios are what I hear happens in NYC! People being mugged, shot at, etc., and passerbys scatter like the wind. I hope Dad's doing ok, this silence can be annoying, shoot, having a spouse screwing around on you is annoying!
Author Dad_of_2_great_boys Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 I hope Dad's doing ok, .... Thanks for the concern. I have been scrambling since the wife got served on Wednesday morning. Finally told my mom and her parents. Glad I didn't tip the hat any earlier on her parents. They are a wreck. The best I can hope for there is that they don't write a letter in support for her. No way they will support me - that is now very clear. It's wide open operational moves now. Getting affidavits. Documenting for the appearance. Locking down financial picture. 1 am talks with the STBX. She actually offered me half custody if I buy her a house. WTF?? She is delusional on the situation. Anyways. Work has suffered so I am trying to catch back up there. School, soccer and scouts are filling my days and nights with the boys. Any time I spend typing is me documenting for the first court appearance. Thanks for the concern. I will update in more detail as time permits. But not before I have done EVERYTHING I can possibly do to build my case for custody. September 16th is coming fast.
LisaLee Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Good luck!!! It is a good thing you didn't tell the parents. Please update when you get the chance, I'm curious about the details.
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