Minxy101 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 I'll try to keep this as brief as possible. I was dating my boyfriend for approximatly 4 years. for the first 2 1/2 years he was very depressed/unwell and I was always there for him. the last 1 1/2 years he had been better but i had begun struggling with depression myself. He broke up with me about 8 months ago only to want me back a month later. he was really loving again, but in the last month or two I got kind of needy and he pulled away completely. so about a month ago he broke up with me again. That day he asked another girl out and was "in a relationship" with her a week later. I did the whole no contact thing for a while and after a couple of weeks he text me. Since then he finds an excuse to text me every day. I did go out for a drink with him and he was noticeably nervous and agitated, but was already trying to make plans to hang out again. in the meantime though he is posting love dovey notes and such to his new girlfriend on his facebook wall,(not hers...) I would really just really like a few outside male opinions about what the hell he's thinking. Like I get that he might just be trying to keep me around in case things don't work out with this girl but he seems generally into her? Is there anything I can do to make him realize how ridiculous he's being. It seems to me that he is obviously still way into me, but why the BS then? help! I'm going crazy trying to figure this out!
Lost Fish Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 I'll keep it simple. You still have feelings for him and need to get over him. He doesn't have respect for your feelings so he is still using you to leech the attention he still feels from you. It's kind of a slap in the face that he is asking to hang out with you, his previous girlfriend, while he is still having this other relationship. He appeared agitated and nervous most likely because he knew that what he was doing was wrong - to both you and his current g/f. Do yourself a favor and just go completely NC. If you need to tell him first then do so. Something short and sweet, like the text "Hey I realized I need to respect my need to move on. Please do not contact me anymore." Go at least 3 months and then see how you feel about him and his antics. Be good to yourself Minxy. You deserve nothing but a man's full fledged attention.
Dan Kohn Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Yeah it sounds to me like he's confused...it also sounds like he may have been dating her before he dumped you. It sounds like he may have had a case of G.I.G.S. Look at the bright side. It sounds like he's anxious around you because he has a conscience. That's a good start. My ex gf didn't have one of those. I would say that you tell him that you can't talk to him anymore unless he wants to be with you, and if he eventually does come crawling back, you'll only take him back if he gets some counseling or something. Go NC with the expectation that he isn't coming back. Work on yourself and go on some dates. Or, if you're cool with being a little slimy and you're desperate enough, maybe you get one of your guy friends to flirt with you on your facebook...get the jealousy going... I fecking hate these games people play, but they are games, whether you want to admit it or not...
allawishis Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Being that you started your relationship with 2 years of depression, isn't good. You remember that you don't have to put up with a sub par relationship. You always deserve better. It's hard to let go of things that are convenient and already in place. That is the hardest part. You didn't say anything about any strong ties, kids, house, etc. Now is the time! That's too much back and forth to put yourself through. I agree with the other two post, no contact. Hey, maybe you can take a look at my post and give me a woman's perspective? The thread is "7 years, 3 kids, and 5 mins in a car at the park. allawishis I heard a good saying on a reply to my post...The good relationship will make you forget all about the bad one. or something like that.
Author Minxy101 Posted September 2, 2010 Author Posted September 2, 2010 Thanks guys You're right, after everything I did for this guy I deserve way better than this. It's hard to let go of someone you loved for four years, but its time. He treated me like I was disposable, no one should have to go through that.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Trying to 'figure out" the irrational is a trap that can make a person a victim of someone else's emotional malady. This guy doesn't seem to be steering any kind of ship and is more like a hapless passenger groping but missing the controls. It seems you've already taken on some depression you might otherwise not have suffered. There will be a great deal more as persons who are as erratic and un-figure-out-able as this gent seems to be often don't get better--and they sometimes tend to blame everyone else while defending themselves as wholly innocent in everything (denial). Perhaps you should consider it a matter of your own well-being to bail on this guy. Good luck.
on edge Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 This dude is bad news. It's not about "feelings." He is trying to control you. He doesn't want you to be with anyone else, but he wants to see other people. Go NC. Stop responding to texts and get a guy that will treat you right. Also, I suffered from depression for years, and I finally got some help. I think that you should look into getting some help for yourself. Depression is not a character flaw, it's a medical condition that can be treated.
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