SadGirl18 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 im sure this forum gets a lot of posts like this, but I just dont know what to do right now. i was in a long distance relationship until i found out i had cancer. him moving to me just wasnt going to be an option. so i didnt tell him, i ended things with him, i knew he wouldnt be able to physically be here for me, and i told him i was confused and didnt want a guy and i was really a lesbian (he knew id been in a serious relationship with a girl before). he was gutted but wanted to stay friends, so i said fine because i still wanted him, i just didnt want him to be commited to someone that might be dieing soon. he talks to my brother and cousin sometimes, and hed told both of them hed do anything and wait however long to have a chance to be with me again. i was in hospital for a while, and when i got home i told him i had cancer, and he said he wanted to talk to me whenever he could and help me. ive regretted breaking up with him since the moment i did it, but i thought i was doing the right thing for him. his school and football training started again last week, and hes had basically no free time. with his rl commitments and me having chemotherapy once a week and feeling like hell, combined with a 5 hour time zone difference, we've just had no chance to talk. i was getting really upset about it a few days ago, i cant think straight i hate how i ended things with him. i texted him today and he put aside some time to talk to me tonight, and i told him everything, i told him i loved him still and if i get over this then id want to give us another chance if hed have me back. he told me he didnt feel the same anymore, and basically said he doesnt have time for me or have feelings for me. i know i lied to him and hurt him, but i thought i was doing the right thing, and now im just utterly crushed. i love him so much, but he doesnt love me and ive messed everything up. i feel like crap in everyway possible. i feel sick and tired from the chemotherapy, i feel dead inside because he doesnt love me anymore, i feel like a complete bitch for lieing to him to start with instead of telling him what was happening, i feel like im a terrible person and that i deserve all this and to die unhappy. i dont know what to do please someone help me
aerogurl87 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 What's been done has been done. First off you didn't give him the chance to decide if he wanted to be with you because you had cancer, you just dumped him. But then to top it off you had to lie to him about the reasons why and with a reason that would crush any guy's self esteem, that being you're a lesbian. That probably broke the poor guy's heart because he probably wondered "am I that horrible that I drove her to be with women again". Ok maybe it didn't but I'm sure it still hurt him nonetheless. But you made those choices and these are the consequences. I won't tell you he'll change his mind, I won't tell you that it's for the best, or that it'll all work out in the end because I don't know. All I know is that you made two mistakes and these were the after effects and you have to learn to deal with them.
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