Don Ho Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Well bro those are all normal feeling you were having when you saw her. I suppose it might be best if you saw her a few more times without her seeing you. I think each time you will have less of a reaction. The goal is to be able to see her without that flood of emotions. Let's not get over focused on IF she might contact and IF you might get together and so on. IF that even happens, there is plenty of time to deal with that. You should focus on YOU not that she might be coming back and planning that out. Also, you should focus on keeping your emotions in check if you do run into her. Hang in there.
Author bighearted Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 (edited) Saw her driving today. She was a distance away, and I caught myself thinking "Damnit, if I would have been 2 seconds earlier to that light she would have seen my truck as she drove by"... Yea.... I still just keep LOOKING for her. When my phone vibrates,... "Is it her?" goes through my head. I'm saying this to be honest with what I feel so my description here is a more accurate depiction of the situation. And of course when I see her, the emotions make my heart pump blood through my veins so fast they almost explode. Edited September 3, 2010 by bighearted
Author bighearted Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 (edited) Alright Don Ho... I got an update. I was out drinking with a few of my friends tonight. I had deleted her number from my phone in fear that I would be tempted to text her if I got drunk. So i get a little inebriated (Still am a little as i type this), and I'm riding home from the bar and she texts me... I sat there thinking, and thinking, about whether to respond or not, but being under the influence, it got to me, and I did. Bad, I know. BUT, I don't think I handled it too terribly bad, seeing as how SHE contacted ME... I could have said something stupid, or contacted her... Instead, I think I made the right choice at the end. Here's the conversation... Her: (Out of the blue at 1:40 am) "What are you doing right now?" Me: "Riding home. Why?" Her: "Riding home? Are you drunk or something?" Me: "What? Why are you asking?" Her: "That's not a no.... and I was just driving home and thought I would see what you were doing. Maybe see you. You were the one that asked me to contact you." (The night at the bar when I ran into her, and danced with her I was drunk and said "contact me.") Me: "I'm not drunk. But I have been out with friends drinking. What did you have in mind?" Her: "It doesn't matter anymore bc I am home though." Me:"? So you were gonna come by my place? Or did you want to meet somewhere, or what? I'm about to drive home." Her: "I was thinking about dropping by. But I am already home and going to sleep." Me: "Ok" It was tempting to continue on with something like, "well, I can drop by." or "Well, have a goodnight." But I kept myself from doing it, thinking that just agreeing with her by saying ok, and acting indifferent would be the best. (It was REALLY hard not to say something else) But from the way she asked what I was doing, acted like she wanted to come, and then when she got a response and changed her mind, saying she was already home, I have a feeling it was just a "test." An "excuse" to see how I would react. What do you think about this? What do you think about her, and what about the way I handled it? What now? I'm going to wait it out and see if she says anything else. But It SUCKS because this makes it even more tempting to say something to her. Tonight was the first football game of the year at our university. Last year she went to the football games with me, and it was the first time she had ever been. I have a feeling that being at the football game tonight (I'm sure she was there, and I was too) made her think about me (just as I thought about her while I was there). This may be what triggered her into texting me. The thoughts and memories that the football game surfaced. So what do you think? This pisses me off, because it's giving me what might be false hope. I was happy to see she had texted me "What are you doing right now?" But at the same time, frustrated because I didn't know what to do, and thought to myself "this could be bad." And even more frustrated when she just bailed on me and said she was already home. Edited September 5, 2010 by bighearted
Don Ho Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Alright Don Ho... I got an update. I have a feeling it was just a "test." An "excuse" to see how I would react. What do you think about this? What do you think about her, and what about the way I handled it? What now? I'm going to wait it out and see if she says anything else. But It SUCKS because this makes it even more tempting to say something to her. Interesting Big. Don't worry, I think you handled it just right. Now chill. Do not contact. Yes, she was testing you. Remember, I said women ALWAYS test men? In a relationship, meeting you, dating you, after a break up, that's what they do. It's just part of the "dating and mating ritual". You know, they always want to confirm that you're a strong mate. I think she was testing to see if you would be hostile or be a crying little pussy. Good, you played it neutral (maybe a little on the defensive side, but that's ok). Great that you DID NOT press or say you could come by. That's what us regular guys would do, which is a MISTAKE. Maybe she was drunk and was thinking she would come by for some action .... which is ok (if you can handle it). So don't be pissed, you handled it fine. IF she texts you this weekend, hit us up BEFORE you respond. She may hit you up if she's drinking again ... your call ... you could try to get her in bed or not. But you best keep your mouth shut about her, you, the relationship and so on if you end up meeting DO NOT talk about what happened, NOTHING negative. Casual and fun. That's it. Remember Bro, you want to appear that you are a MAN and you're fine and moving on with your life (even though you would have liked it if it had worked out differently). Keep us posted.
Author bighearted Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 (edited) Today it's been really tempting to say something to her. Like later tonight, saying something like, "you can come chill if you want." or saying we could see each other. But I KNOW that this is probably going to just turn out bad. I'll have false hope.. expectations will be shot... I mean, I WOULDN'T talk about our relationship, but she would probably just turn me down If I text her to hang out. Or be all weird if we did hang out. It's extremely tempting because I keep wishing I was home at the time she said this to me last night, so she could just come over, and since it was her idea to come, she would be the one talking. I would just see what she has to say, and play it from there. It feels like I missed a good opportunity, and worry that it might not happen again, comes over me. (That's just what you can't help but think when something like this happens right.) BUT I suppose it MIGHT have been for the best if I didn't see her last night after drinking... I might have lost focus on being indifferent, and calm and neutral, and keeping it casual and fun. Who knows. So... I missed one opportunity of HER contacting and coming to ME...it does piss me off... so what if it doesn't seem to happen again? I feel like contacting her in several days if nothing happens. (because she somewhat gave me the hint that she would chill) How should I play it? Freaking temptation... Edited September 5, 2010 by bighearted
Don Ho Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 NO!!!!! You are NOT going to contact her!! You did not necessarily miss an opportunity ... she may have just been testing you and fishing. She probably was not actually going to come over. There might be a next time .... if you do not turn into a big pussy right now and contact her. Remember Bro, women want a MAN. Do you really think contacting her makes you look like a man at this point? DO NOT contact her and you need to relax.
Author bighearted Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 I know. I'm going to wait it out. I'll be back for support.
Don Ho Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Good! Do not make a move .... unless you want to fail her "test" and look like a little girlie man!
Author bighearted Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 At what point do I make a move? I know I should hold out as long as possible so she can contact me. But at what point do I just say "hi, and how are classes going?" if she doesn't contact me? This is really hard on me, and I feel like this "game" and "tests" and what not are bearing down on me. I cannot play this, and wait FOREVER hoping she will do something... I feel like at some point I MUST try to just ease into fun meetings, and hanging out, and then see what happens. And if it doesn't, just giving up and moving on.
Don Ho Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 I think she will contact you. DO NOT give in to your impulse and contact. For how long? A month if you don't hear from her. I know it's difficult. You were the one that said you wanted her back. There is no easy, comfortable road. If you want to make sure to chase her off and it won't work, then go ahead give in and try to make some dates with her. Then when that fails, your shot will be over and you will be back at square one with nothing. DO NOT rush back in because of your anxiety and impatience. If you cannot play "the game" then DO NOT contact her and just move on and forward with your life. Don't do what all the other guys do that "just have to know" and "have to have an answer" so they make a desperate effort and it blows up in their face. As I see it, you have two choices: hang and play the game and take your chances she might come around OR if you can't hang, move on. Option 3, getting a hold of her and trying to have contact with her, is a guaranteed route to failure and not an option.
Author bighearted Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 (edited) Then what's this "keeping the lingerie situation in your back pocket to string things out" thing? I'm not sure I completely know what you mean on that. Use it as something that she must contact me for, and meet? Or use it myself to spark a meeting? I'm going to wait until she says SOMETHING to me. I KNOW she will say something. Whether its "i want to come over." or "did you find my lingerie?" or "What's up?"... Well I'll just have to see. But at that point I will have contact with her. I have to add, because it may matter when it comes to determining the significance behind her contacting me (like she said she wanted to drop by the other night)... It's that she is a VERY prideful person. This makes me think just because of her outright pride, she will hold back in contacting me and especially saying that she wanted to see me, even if she felt like she wanted to... so when she said that last night, It's surprising to say the least, and may mean alot. BUT, for all I know she could have just been under the influence and not thinking clearly. (Or maybe ACTUALLY finally thinking cleary, depending on how you look at it. ) The point is to get to a few casual, fun meetings and see what happens right? Now what if the window of time I may have that she would see me, I pass up. Then, she's found someone new or some other circumstance causes her to close it. (high percentage chance at a college, seeing as how she's an extremely attractive girl) Then it's hopeless at that point anyway, because she's moved on. And eventually when I found out, after a month or so of no contact and then seeing what's up, I am hurt anyways. I am really thinking in this situation that I should wait... but if I wait TOO long to atleast TRY to make something happen, then my chance will be gone anyways. If she moves on to someone else, I am almost positive it would be done. Over. That's how I am. It would hurt, but my healing would have to start right then. So... I can wait for a long time and eventually find out she's been with other people or dating someone else, and it hurt extremely bad and healing would start then... Or I can wait for contact for a good while, and going off of playing things right since the night she left me (no contact immediately), eventually try for some meetings (NOT to talk about the relationship but to have fun) and if things don't work, then yea I'm hurt. And healing would start then... But it would be sooner than the first option right? The other option is to move on completely now. Start complete healing now... And I can honestly say, (through all of these thoughts) that I don't want to choose that option yet. I WANT to try to get her back, even if it means taking the chance of pushing my hurt and healing back some. It's all chance. I'm sorry this is long. I'm sorry that I'm venting. I'm not making any drastic moves. I'm just thinking, ALOT. I know that I'm probably just thinking about it TOO hard. The fact that I'm here, saying all of this, trying all of this, may be stringing things out itself. Making me think even more about it. I'm going to try and stay really busy this week... hopefully I won't be checking this as much. And out doing things. I need to get some things straight, and start working on me. Edited September 6, 2010 by bighearted
Don Ho Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 I was saying just use the lingerie as a possible excuse for her if she wants to contact or you can use it to keep the lines of communication open if you like. That's all. If you want no contact with an Ex you get them all their stuff back asap. You, however, indicated you wanted to keep the door open. I understand what you're saying about her approaching and timing. I didn't say don't meet her, just don't talk about the relationship, rush into it too eagerly and so on. But you seem to have a good handle on that now and you're less emotional. Yep, work on yourself. Keep us posted Bro.
minnesotadrake Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Don Ho, I'm new to this forum and really like your responses. Can I get your opinion on a similar issue? I have aim/msn/yahoo messenger...do you have any of those? I can't private message you yet since i'm new to the forum. Let me know, Thanks, Mike
Don Ho Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Hey Mike. Thanks. I don't use any IMs, so post a thread in Breakups or Second chances and I'm sure I'll pick it up. Don't make it too long, but don't leave out any important details.
Author bighearted Posted September 9, 2010 Author Posted September 9, 2010 Update: Couldn't string myself along any longer. Contacted her. Said hi. Met for coffee later that day. She came by my place that night. Conversation made it's way to the relationship. (I didn't push it.) I felt I had to say what I had to say, see how she reacted, and then get some closure if need be. She left me to pursue her relationship with god. Says she doesn't want ANY relationship. Says every relationship she's had she's put her boyfriend as her priority and lost her relationship with god. Says she KNOWS herself and that she can't do both right now. Says she wants to be single since she hasn't really had a chance to, and feels like she's finally getting her life the way she wants it. Says "You're the most amazing guy and boyfriend." Says she was really happy with me, but she's also happy now. Says "I don't want ANY relationship. Why would I go get in another relationship when I can have an amazing one right here?" Says it's not my fault, she's sorry that I'm in the middle of this, but she can't be in a relationship now. She cuts the good person in her life out of it... to better herself. And I get shafted. It kills me. The end.
Don Ho Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 Sorry Bro. That's tough. I don't think "God" is the reason, just an excuse. I think she should have told it's because you snore at night or you're cheap or whatever the real reason. Guess she just wants to let you down gently. Just watch, in a month or two she will have another BF. Hang in there, it gets better.
brainblox Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 try this one it's never failed me yet it goes like this..... NEXT ! and B it all works itself out in the end !
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