Girlfriend left me, How should I proceed?

[bighearted]

My girlfriend just recently left me. She danced around a couple of reasons such as her issues, she pushed me away, etc... But in the end she said I was a really great guy, a really great boyfriend, but she wants to be single.

 

 

We dated for almost 11 months, and the last two (right before we broke up) she was away for 2 months as a counselor at a summer camp. Before she left we were extremely happy together, she always told me this and we were always affectionate, we loved each other, things were great. We were a great couple. While she was there she continued to say I make her so happy, she loves me, etc in letters. We had a few issues while she was gone (I actually have another post) that we would argue about. I started to feel like she was getting caught up (which was exactly what she left her last ex over, him getting caught up with the college and party scene) and this caused me to be a little insecure about her feelings for me. Because I noticed when she wouldn't write or call as much, or wouldn't say things she had always done. And she started to do things she always claimed she didn't. For 8 months she never drank, (which I wouldn't have a problem with as i do some, she just chose not to) and she claimed she didn't like to be around people that drank, but at camp she got caught up going out with some friends and would drink some.

 

Anyways, she came back from camp and things were a little rough right from the get go. The first night she was back we almost hit the breaking point and she almost left. In the end, she stated she just wanted some time to herself and i left town and she said not to worry. I gave her that time and didn't contact her. When she got into town several days later we tried hanging out and at the end of the day she said she still wanted to be with me, but this summer she had pushed me away and walled me out some. She stated that she needed to take things slow for those feelings to resurface. She said it would be like we were starting to date. This was really tough on me because... we weren't just starting to date again...We had loved, and been extremely close. She was really happy spending alot of time with me, and spending the night several times a week, meeting each other in between classes, etc. So going back that far was messing with me. But I agreed, and told her what I needed also. The next day things were akward, but I hung out with her. I was down but i didn't say anything, I just hung out with her and tried to be happy. It started to bring her down and resent me for it. That night she told me I was a really great boyfriend, she'll never forget the memories, but she wanted to be single.

 

She had stated that she had a lot of time to think this summer when she had been alone. I suspected this, and I suspected she had liked the taste of going out with friends, but I didn't understand because she had always stated she didn't like the party scene, getting drunk, etc. I feel like she's taking a step backwards in maturity, instead of the other way around. What I don't understand is how it's relevant to going out with me or not. I wouldn't keep her from doing those things if she wanted to go out with girlfriends. I would give her that time alone with them, I know it's healthy to have time with just your friends. And I would even enjoy going out with them if they wanted me to. She always told me to go out with my friends, and have a good time. I would do the same. But the whole time we dated she didn't have a lot of girlfriends here that she wanted to go out with. That's why i think now that she has a taste, she enjoyed it. I still don't understand why it gets in the way of us though.

 

2 nights after she left me, I run into her at a local dancehall that we met at... Talk about my bad luck. She was out with some friends from that camp. She was drunk. Which she had NEVER, not once, been with me. So I'm incredibly confused by this. And I'm hurting incredibly bad. One thing I learned from my last painful break up... is No contact. So that's exactly what I did from the very moment I walked out her door when she left me. I don't text, call, and I deleted her from facebook. I still love her. I want to speak to her so bad, and I miss everything we did together here at college. Everything reminds me of her, and no matter what I'm doing I'm just thinking about her. But I know that contact will hurt me more. (Especially seeing what she's been doing through facebook.) I can't help but think about that and her moving on.

 

I want to get her back. That's why I'm not talking to her now. I feel like one of the reasons she may have left is because she felt smothered and I was somewhat pushy. (She had recently told me I need to relax some, and "lighten up.") The only contact I've had was running into her at the bar. I couldn't help myself and I did dance with her and shared a few words about her being drunk and how her friends liked the town, etc. It's now only been 4 full days since she left.

 

I want to give her some time to think about things, and definantly dont want to bother her while her friends are in town (They are here for a week.) How should I proceed?

Edited August 31, 2010 by bighearted
New title

[leftfield]

I feel like one of the reasons she may have left is because she felt smothered and I was somewhat pushy. (She had recently told me I need to relax some, and "lighten up.")

 

It sounds as though you may have hit the nail on the head there my friend. Even though you probably didn't mean to be, you may have been a bit more intense and a bit more "into" this relationship than she was.

 

I get the impression that you're both still fairly young, so people do go through stages where they just want to let themselves go a little, go and get drunk etc. It may seem out of character to you, I can understand that, my ex has started to the same since she left me, but from the advice others on here have given me it seems that doing that kind of thing is not an unusual response at the end of a relationship, and it will be even more pronounced if she felt smothered.

 

You're doing the right thing already by going NC, it's clearly what she needs, and while it might not feel like it, it is also what you need. Again, I'm right there alongside you in terms of the pain this can cause. The temptation to speak to your ex love is huge, it's all I want to do right now, but like you, I don't know where that person is any more, she's changed. She's become the outgoing party girl instead of that lovely person that I used to have in my life.

 

Give her some space and time, and just see what she comes back to you with, maybe there is still some life left in your relationship, maybe not, but you cannot be the one to pursue the issue, you've got to leave it up to her. Let her go and enjoy herself, if she wants to come back to you she will. In the meantime, you should try to enjoy yourself too, re-connect with your friends, speak to girls, do whatever you need to do. And keep coming back here for support, it really helps. Good luck buddy.

[Don Ho]

Wow that was long. Who gives a damn if she's drinking? Oh, you do. You want to control her and act possessive. How's that working for you? Oh, it's not that you just smothered her and were pushy, it was that you were a big pussy. Want to turn a woman off and watch her interest in you dropped like a rock? Just do what you did. You chased her, pined away, and so on. Bad move.

 

How should you proceed? Bro are you kidding? Back way, way the fck off. Do not contact her or respond. You may have fck it up for good. And for God's sake don't contact her and ask her if that's the case or profess your love. You need to go NC and start acting and looking like a MAN.

[bighearted]

I think you have me pinned a little wrong. I Never cared if she drank. I drink myself, I go out with buddies by myself and drink occasionaly and every so often get drunk. While I was with her. She would let me do this, and had no problem with it. She would tell me to. So, if she WANTED to do that with her friends when we were dating I would have been ok with it. She's a little younger than me, (19) and she always told me she didn't want to drink, or the party scene, and be around a bunch of drunk people. NOT because I said she shouldn't. She made that choice from the very beginning. So "controlling" her is hardly what I did. I respected her choice and never pressured her to drink. If she wanted to, then I would love to drink with her. If she wanted to go out with girlfriends and have a girls night out, go for it. The problem with that was, our first year in school she chose to spend alot of time with me, and she didn't have a group of girlfriends here that she would do stuff like that with. She was extremely happy spending her time with me. I think it's good when a girl has girlfriends, but she just didn't. And she just really enjoying her time with me. She always made it clear how great I am to her, and how happy I made her.

 

This isn't about DRINKING.

 

Her thinking changed when she was away. I can understand she may have felt like the relationship was intense or smothering, and that she wasn't doing those other things. But that wasn't because of me. SHE chose to be that way and she was happy with that. Like I said, if she wants to go out with friends, or drink, or have more space than what SHE wanted before, then ok. I think that's healthy, and would actually be good for a relationship. And I would be fine with that. I want her to make new friends, meet new people, do new things. Just as I do. I would love to do some of those things with her too. What did I do when she was leaving me? I did not beg, I did not plead for her to stay. I told her this. That I would WANT you to do these things. I don't have a problem with that.

 

So, Don Ho, I think your words are a little off when it comes to describing me and this relationship. I've read your other posts and liked alot of advice you gave, but to call someone who did not beg and then went No Contact IMMEDIATELY when they walk out the door after being broken up with, a pussy, is terribly wrong. We all know how desperate people can be when they've been dumped, texting or calling frantically the next few days trying to get their partner back...

[Don Ho]

I want to get her back. That's why I'm not talking to her now. I feel like one of the reasons she may have left is because she felt smothered and I was somewhat pushy. (She had recently told me I need to relax some, and "lighten up.") I want to give her some time to think about things, and definetely dont want to bother her while her friends are in town (They are here for a week.) How should I proceed?

 

Ok, Big. I did a re-read of your original post, your current post and re-thought it some more. First potential problem is that she's 19. That's very young. Not surprising that she's a little all over the board and wants to be single. That said, you even admitted that she may have left was "because she felt smothered and I was somewhat pushy". So kudos to you for not acting like a pussy with her and begging and pleading when she wanted to break up. My "read" on it was that you smothered her and were domineering which both suggest insecurity on your part. In a woman's mind insecure = non-confident = not a man = pussy which is unattractive. It's ok if that's the case, I have been a pussy and so have all the other guys here on LS.

 

Also understand that I believe that the reason many guys on here got dumped was that they started as an attractive, confident man, lost that confidence as they went on with their GF, started giving into her, started acting in more feminine ways, lost their backbone and so on. In turn, she loses interest and loses attraction. Turn into a girlie man and your GF will dump you for not being a man. That is why I post that on many threads ... when it fits and I think it might be helpful to point that out to the guy.

 

I'm not sure why you were so butt hurt that she was out drinking. Because she didn't include you? Because she didn't with you but now she does? Isn't that a little immature on your part? Now she may not have been partying and drinking when she was with you because she was content and didn't feel the need to do so. You may have pushed her away or she may have felt she was "missing" something. Once she broke up with you maybe that put her under stress and used and has been using alcohol and partying as a coping mechanism.

 

In my first post on this thread, I said for you to back way off because you admitted you smothered her. You were smart enough to know to go NC and not to bother her while her friends are in town. How do you proceed? Continue NC. She needs time to think and to miss you and you need time to reflect and think also. Stop being insulted or whatever about her being out drinking and partying. IF she ends up contacting you, I think it's best NOT to bring up the subject. So hang in there bro and let us know what's happening.

[bighearted]

I appreciate your response. I think my first post may have been a little misleading also when I say "She was drunk. Which she had NEVER, not once, been with me. So I'm incredibly confused by this. And I'm hurting incredibly bad. One thing I learned from my last painful break up... is No contact." So Ill clear something up.

 

Her getting drunk is not what hurts me so bad. It DOES confuse me because she never wanted to. It DOES leave me scratching my head since she could have done that whenever she wanted. And again, if she wants to do that it's ok. I wouldn't have a problem with that. And being away for 2 months and hanging out with girlfriends and drinking a little obviously changed her mind on not wanting to do that. AGAIN, that's fine with me. If you got the impression that I smothered her or was pushy about her not drinking, then I mislead you.

 

When I said I'm hurting incredibly bad, I placed it in i misleading spot. I'm hurting incredibly bad because of the break up. And that she just all of a sudden, after being so happy with me, wants to be single.

 

As for bringing up the subject of drinking or not to her, I wouldn't. Because that's not what's important to me.

 

So... for an update... She text me today. (6th day) She just said "Do you still have that lingerie of mine? If so could I please come get it soon?" Here's the thing... She got that lingerie for my birthday. I had a feeling this is a stupid game. And i don't want to play. I have no intentions of keeping that stuff, but I didn't really know if I should break no contact with her. And I definantly know I don't want to see her right now. So I thought about it for a good while. (and got some advice) A part of me just wanted to ignore it, because I have a feeling she's messing with me since I didn't constantly beg. And another part of me just wants to say "The stuff you got for my birthday? yea, its here somewhere. You can have it. Im busy tonight and tomorrow though so I'm not sure when.." (Because I am) To act indifferent about it. And then maybe just leave it somewhere she can pick it up. And not have to see her.

 

After a good while, I texted her the second choice.

Edited September 2, 2010 by bighearted

[Don Ho]

Hey Big. Ok, now I'm getting a better picture of the situation. Like I said, she may have not been drinking because she was content with you at the time and is now just in the mood to cut lose or is using it as a coping mechanism. I think you're scratching your head about why she left you and her partying is just something you can focus on instead. You know, projection. You're hurt, not so much by her partying now, but because she dumped you. Again, IMO, projection. So you're baffled and in anguish. I can empathize with that and it's normal.

 

My impression was really that you had been smothering or push with her, not with the drinking. Hence, my concern was that you were insecure with her, she sensed that and started losing interest in you. Just my thought on what might have happened.

 

The lingerie? I don't think she's playing a stupid game bro. It could be her weak attempt to reach out to you. She certainly doesn't HAVE to have her lingerie back now and could have waited 8 months; IF she even really wanted it. I would have put off answering her for a few days, but that's ok. I think the trick for you her is not to take an assertive/offensive stance as you're doing but then don't act like a big whuss either. I would suggest blowing her off on that issue and blowing her off on giving it back. That will give you a chance to get less emotional about it. And no defensive, rude comments to her either .... she will read right through it. I think it would be better if you got some advice here before your next move or reply to her.

[rattled]

BH your situation is all too familiar with me as my ex acted in the EXACT same manner (the whole, not wanting to drink and party after being encouraged to have some fun, but then taking that idea and totally running it into the ground). What you did with the text was an alright decision although I would of opted for the first option.

 

Listen to Don Ho, he knows what he's talking about. That "pussy" that he talks about was def me in a very recent past and I would do anything to go back in time and just go NC completely without any contact. What I did was continually lecture her on why her attitude changed and why she felt the need to party and drink excessively when she never did before when she was with me. That was wrong on my part. Also when I had her back for a brief moment I turned into a pussy too and loss that "back-bone".

 

In conclusion. Don Ho hits the nail on the head every single time. I highly recommend you take his advice and just go complete NC and ride that train for as long as possible.

[Fruitpunch]

U know what guys. No one has ever dumped Brad Pitt.

 

When i go to a nightclub i think of myself as Brad Pitt, when im going out with a girl i do the same. Not that i want to be him but i rate myself as a 10.

NO ONE ****s on me and there is not a better guy on the planet as far as i am concerned.

 

If you become that guy you will always have women. I got dumped a month ago and the wierd thing was, it was the first time i had been cool with the chick and NOT treated her like crap that she dumped me.

 

So **** her. I went NC, have been with a bunch of other girls now and although it still affects me i have not spent one day in bed, or pining or lost a minute of my life worrying about some bitch who doesnt wanna be with me

 

**** that. You are Brad Pitt, make your lifestyle, your looks, your attitude the best they can be. Then go and get laid, a ton.

Then if you do want her back you will come from a position of want, not need.

 

If anyone needs me i will be ****ing Angelina Jolie

[bighearted]

Alright. I have no intentions on lecturing her about her attitude change, and decision to drink. I realize that i pushed her some (questioning why her attitude had changed, NOT about drinking) when we were still together. But I have no intentions on questioning why this, why that. At all.

 

Don, What do you mean by "it COULD be her weak attempt to reach out" to me? That's why I thought it could be some stupid game. (she wants me to feel strong emotions when she mentions that, as if to see if I would respond with something negative or upset or get a rise out of me, etc? Or she wants me to be begging?) I don't know.

 

I put off my message for about 5 hours or so, so it wasn't immediate. And I did ask for advice, and got some from another forum. It didn't seem like I would have gotten a very quick reply here. Ill post here too from now on.

[Don Ho]

Don, What do you mean by "it COULD be her weak attempt to reach out" to me? That's why I thought it could be some stupid game. (she wants me to feel strong emotions when she mentions that, as if to see if I would respond with something negative or upset or get a rise out of me, etc? Or she wants me to be begging?) I don't know.

 

I meant she's reaching out to you, it's not clear if it's a game. Why would she make it a game? I think you're a little on the defensive. Women drop "hints". They just do that. My old Ex used to send me forward me jokes from her email ... only when we were broken up and I was doing NC. It was her way of letting me know she wanted contact. Could be she wanted to see how you would react. Hard to tell her motivation. No, I don't think she wants you begging for her. I would play it cool and just ride it out. Maybe you'll want to use her lingerie as an excuse for contact at some point. Did she reply back yet? Do not text her again. Wait.

[Fruitpunch]

I meant she's reaching out to you, it's not clear if it's a game. Why would she make it a game? I think you're a little on the defensive. Women drop "hints". They just do that. My old Ex used to send me forward me jokes from her email ... only when we were broken up and I was doing NC. It was her way of letting me know she wanted contact. Could be she wanted to see how you would react. Hard to tell her motivation. No, I don't think she wants you begging for her. I would play it cool and just ride it out. Maybe you'll want to use her lingerie as an excuse for contact at some point. Did she reply back yet? Do not text her again. Wait.

 

 

Your own head is the biggest threat to you in all of this. you want answers, you want closure.

Be calm. Sometimes the only way of winning is to accept defeat.

Wait it out , until you are strong enough to maintain contact with self control.

[bighearted]

Thanks guys. That's what my plan is. Don't worry Don, I wasn't going to text her again. And she didn't respond.

 

Oh, and just curious, how did you handle your ex "reaching" out to you and wanting contact by sending you jokes?

Edited September 2, 2010 by bighearted

[bighearted]

Oh, and she just text me. "Well it's not like i NEED it. My thought is that you don't need it. You can't wear it. It would be weird for another girl to wear it. And I don't think it's normal to keep underwear just to remember me/us. So there's no rush. I would just like it back."

 

Which I find stupid since her exact words asked if she could come get it "soon."

 

OBVIOUSLY I already know all of this. And don't plan on keeping it.

Edited September 2, 2010 by bighearted

[rattled]

leave it...sounds like she's just talking to talk...making excuses...if the actual lingerie isn't a concern to either party (which it isn't)...then it doesn't really matter where it is and who possesses it...could be chucked out the window and still play no factor...stay NC man

[Don Ho]

Oh, and she just text me. "Well it's not like i NEED it. My thought is that you don't need it. You can't wear it. It would be weird for another girl to wear it. And I don't think it's normal to keep underwear just to remember me/us. So there's no rush. I would just like it back." Which I find stupid since her exact words asked if she could come get it "soon."

 

Hey Big, don't reply to that yet. Wait on it. What did you text her exactly?

[Don Ho]

Oh, and just curious, how did you handle your ex "reaching" out to you and wanting contact by sending you jokes?

 

That was an Ex from many years ago. Let's see. We went back and forth many times. Basically several times she was a biatch to me and I got tired of her s$$t. So I would just go NC. A week, a month, six months of NC, she would forward me jokes that she thought was funny. She never did that when we were together. It was her way of staying in contact or an attempt to have contact with me.

 

A few times, I responded several days later with something like "yeah, too funny". Then I would wait to see how she responded. If she blew me off I knew she was pissed I hadn't contacted her or not interested, if she did respond and was nice and it was something indicating interest on her part, then I would respond but always in a very controlled way. It's a big cat and mouse game that requires a LOT of thought and patience.

 

Anyway, several times that ended up with us getting back together (temporarily). OR I was just horny at the time and not seeing anyone and figured I'd play it up and get back with her to get laid because she was hot in bed.

 

WARNING: do not deduce from my situation that this is what you should do or this is what works. I was VERY good friends with her before anything ever happened for about five years. One night we were out drinking and there was just major chemistry after we kissed. We also ended up in bed. I think it was kind of a surprise to both of us. Anyway, she had a lot of issues, drama, kid problems, health problems and so on. She was pretty crushed when I would go NC or dump her because she felt like she was losing a very important friend in her life (yeah, one of the few that would put up with her sh$$t!).

 

DO NOT deduce from this that you and your Ex or any other guy reading this that this means because you were great friends first or became best friends after you got into your relationship, that you should do what I did. In fact I'm saying you should not.

 

I'm explaining it only to illustrate that your Ex MIGHT be doing something similar. I wasn't really that emotional about my Ex when I broke up with her or went NC (well, I was pissed off) it didn't matter to me one way or another. All this said, I finally met another woman, decided that she really was a biatch and decided to get off the on-again-off-again relationship roller coaster with her permanently.

 

Now do not jump to conclusions or get excited or read into what your Ex said about the lingerie. It could be nothing. But women do test us men all the time (even after they dump us) to make sure we're a "strong mate" ... or to confirm that we are still a pussy. That's why you MUST play it cool. Remember Big: she lost INTEREST in you. IF you act hostile or like a whuss IF she contacts you, then her interest and attraction in you stays LOW. That's not what you want. You must play smart Grass Hopper, IF you're going to play.

Edited September 2, 2010 by Don Ho

[bighearted]

My text was

 

"That stuff you got for my birthday? Yea it's around there somewhere. I'll have to look for it. You can have it. I've got meetings tonight and tomorrow night for work and am busy with classes tomorrow. So not sure when."

[Don Ho]

My text was "That stuff you got for my birthday? Yea it's around there somewhere. I'll have to look for it. You can have it. I've got meetings tonight and tomorrow night for work and am busy with classes tomorrow. So not sure when."

 

That's ok. You didn't come across as a prick or a pussy. Neutral and busy. Now, LEAVE IT alone! I would use this to string things along. Just like women use little "excuses" to reach out or contact us, you're gonna keep this one in your back pocket to use at a LATER point if at all. The trick is not to be a prick or mad, that shows them you care and I think you want to show you don't really care and you can live without them. IF she contacts or responds, post here before you do anything. IF you respond, you can wait a day or two, not just a few hours. Remember: you ARE a busy guy, out doing things, out having a life and you want her to think she's really not that important. Hang in there Big.

[bighearted]

I have a feeling the next time she contacts me it will be about the same thing... "Hey, did you find it? Can I have it now?"... and so on until she gets it. I have a feeling the conversation won't change until she gets it. What should I do in that case? Just ignore her? Say something similar? I don't plan on doing anything right when it happens, and will update, but I'd like to know. Eventually, should I just say "Ill leave it (insert place here), you can pick it up."?

[Don Ho]

I have a feeling the next time she contacts me it will be about the same thing... "Hey, did you find it? Can I have it now?"... and so on until she gets it. I have a feeling the conversation won't change until she gets it. What should I do in that case? Just ignore her? Say something similar? I don't plan on doing anything right when it happens, and will update, but I'd like to know. Eventually, should I just say "Ill leave it (insert place here), you can pick it up."?

 

DO NOT respond for at least a day and yes, post here before you do anything. That's ok if she keeps asking, it shows anxiety and ambivalence on her part which may be a good thing. But notice how her second text sorta changed? 'Oh I really don't need it, but...' I would keep it in my back pocket for now. I'm not sure you want to say the last part. You may decide you want to see her in person. Don't do anything for now and wait. Let's see if she contacts or not. Don't get you hopes up either.

[RisingAgain]

let me reassure you. Im going through the same thing. No contact means that even if u have hope me it ever being the same again, by the time ur waiting, you would have got over the person you love. Don once said in one of the posts think about all the bad qualities about the person. It helps and God has a reason for everything you may not see it now but in future u will look back and smile at this situation. Plus you learn alot keep your head up. Its gonna be fine.

[bighearted]

Another question while I'm "waiting"... I have already run into her at the bar as I said, (Which I think was incredibly unlucky) but it's likely that I might run into her on campus somewhere. I don't know where she is when, but I imagine it will happen at some point. I'm guessing be the same way? Short, and neutral, and "I've got to go" kind of attitude?

 

That leads into my other question, at what point if any would I actually speak to her about us. (Don't worry, I would Never text her or anything like that about it) I mean, if I ever do meet her in person (if she's contacting me and seems to have interest) should it be just for coffee, and small talk, and see how things go from there and never speak about us being together. Just see if it happens? Talk about it? Because I wouldn't want to just "hang out" and become her friend.

[Don Ho]

it's likely that I might run into her on campus somewhere. I don't know where she is when, but I imagine it will happen at some point. I'm guessing be the same way? Short, and neutral, and "I've got to go" kind of attitude?

 

That leads into my other question, at what point if any would I actually speak to her about us. (Don't worry, I would Never text her or anything like that about it) I mean, if I ever do meet her in person (if she's contacting me and seems to have interest) should it be just for coffee, and small talk, and see how things go from there and never speak about us being together.

 

1. You act friendly and cordial, just like you would any other person. You do your best to not act angry, look desperate, that your heart is falling out or that you're blowing her off. "Hey, how are you", "Great", "How are classes?", "Cool", I've gotta get to xxxx", "talk with you later". Maybe two lines, that's it.

 

2. You're getting a little ahead of yourself here, but IF that should happen you DO NOT bring up the relationship. The goal is to build on several small, positive meetings, to make it feel like you're "dating" again. No stress, no questions, no BS, just friendly and happy. If she brings it up, I would change the subject or say "hey I just want to keep it light, we can always talk about that some other time". At what point do you talk about the relationship? Weeks down the road AFTER she has told YOU that she made a mistake, wants to try again and you have been seeing her successfully. I always say you want the WOMAN to tell YOU that she wants you to be her BF or her to tell you what she wants.

 

This is where a lot of guys fail, they meet, have a good time, get along well and then they walk her back to her car or whatever and they get verbal diarrhea and start asking about the relationship, what went wrong, how she feels, what's their "status", begging, crying and all those things you shouldn't do when a woman breaks up with you. DO NOT ever do that unless you want things to be over for good and never have another meeting.

[bighearted]

Ok so get this... So I typed that and drove to campus for class. Walking to class, (keep in mind this is a school with 50,000 students and acres and acres of buildings) I spot her walking to her class amidst hundreds of people. About 50 yards away. I'm pretty sure she didn't see me, as I just looked away and continued to my class. But who knows. As I walked on, I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. My heart was pounding so incredibly hard as all kinds of emotions poured over me. So much for that class. I swear I have the worse luck.

 

What's bad is... now I know where she will be. I find it hard not to think about them if I KNOW they'll be somewhere I'm by. And it tears at me. I'm glad I was strong enough to not want to seek her out, or text her right then... But it's hard.

 

I find myself LOOKING for her... not good. Ill be walking to class just scanning the crowds, and really thinking about it, I'm seeing if I spot her. She's all that's on my mind, so my eyes are looking for her... I don't want to do this. I just am.

 

About meeting her, if and when we get to that point, I had a feeling I should just try to have fun, as if we were just going on dates like in the beginning. And just continue with that to see if something sparked. I KNEW not to talk about our relationship, what went wrong, why is she doing this, why is she doing that, please just come back, etc... But I'll be honest with you, as I wonder about, after a good encounter or a few just hanging out, mentioning the idea of dating and giving us a second chance. Starting over. I've put alot of thought into this already, and still have ALOT of thought to put in it ahead of me.

 

I know that if I did just have several small positive meetings, and hung out with her, I would want more. And If it just continued, and continued, and I just became a "friend" to her, I would be hurt just as bad as staying gone now. Because I would always be "wanting more" and "waiting." Neither healing... nor getting anywhere with her. It would prolong the healing process. I couldn't continue for weeks just being her "friend" and seemingly getting nowhere, waiting for her to say she made a mistake. So right now, my brightest option is looking to be staying No Contact for a while, seeing how things play out with her contact to me, maybe going for a few positive meetings to grow interest, and if nothing happens within a reasonable time after that, mentioning dating, and if answer is no... completely giving in then. And starting the complete healing process.

 

I know I have time. I am just trying to get advice and be prepared, so when these things do happen I won't be stunned and do something as stupid.