beetlejuice Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Try to give you the important details. Names have been changed to protect the "innocent". Me: 35, been with my gf for 6.5 years. Started dating her about 8 months after I moved to Las Vegas. I moved to Vegas to spend time with family, and to get away from an ex (5.5 year relationship that ended about 2 months before I moved). Andrea, my GF: 33, moved to Las Vegas about 2 months after ending a 3 year relationship with a guy who cheated on her. She came to Vegas to get away from him and to spend time with Stephanie (best friend since they were 12). So I met Andrea in march of 2003. Within a month, she moved in with me part time (3-4 nights a week). We commuted to work together, and did almost everything together. Many of the sane interests and we were compatible on almost every level. One of the reasons why she moved in with me so quickly, is that she wasn't getting along with her best friend. In July 2005, I bought a condo, and we moved in together full time. By this time, Stephanie was totally out of the picture. My gf would text and email her with no response. Fast forward to march of 2010. The last couple of years haven't been as great as the first 4. I would rate the first 4 years as a 9/10, and the last 2 years as a 7/10. There were never any big fights, or cheating, or lack of communication. She and I are both level headed, mature people who love and respect one another. Now, 5 years or so after she last spoke to Stephanie, they reunite. Stephanie had been dating a doctor, driving an escalade, etc, and didn't really need my gf in her life (Stephanie invited my gf to live with her in 03, because she was having problems with her husband, and needed someone on her side in the house). Stephanie ended up cheating on her husband with the doctor before they divorced. So Stephanie's house is going into foreclosure, she lost her job, and the doctor dumped her. So now that she needs Andrea back in her life, they become fast friends again. So my relationship with Andrea was about a 7/10. Still had a great time together, healthy sex life, etc. I was admittedly a bit distant and depressed due to my job (glass ceiling) and the housing market crash (condo is worth half of what I owe on the mortgage). Andrea had inherited some money, and she and I had been looking at buying a house together since Dec 09. We had both agreed that the house would be a fresh start for us both, and that we would work on the relationship. So when Stephanie came back into the picture in March '10, things got complicated. Stephanie needed a place to stay (she also has a 7 year old son that Andrea adores), and Andrea was in the final stages of closing on a house that I thought both of us would live in. One more thing, Stephanie is a manipulative woman who uses anyone and everyone she can. So 2 weeks ago, Andrea tells me that Stephanie and her son are moving in with her at the new house, and that she needs a break from the relationship. I told her we can still see each other, but she said she didn't think that was the best idea. Andrea also said that she had been so wrapped up in me, that she lost herself (Andrea doesn't have many friends, and Stephanie is the only one she has in Vegas. Many of our activities revolved around my network of friends and family, so I can see where she's coming from). We've slept in the same bed since she told me 2 weeks ago (her moving date is in 2 more weeks). She still kisses me everyday and says I love you, and has even begun sleeping closer to me at night. I have backed off (no texts or calls during the day, where we used to do that 4-5x per day). I have also been cool and calm during this time (although my heart is broken...Andrea and I had serious marriage & kid talks just a few months ago). It feels like as I've backed away a bit, she's come closer. Andrea knows I don't get along with Stephanie, so my thought is that if we all moved into the new house together, it would be so much stress, that the relationship would end. I also feel like that Andrea may realize just living with Stephanie again (they didn't get along the first time they lived together) is going to be stressful enough, and that's why she needs some space. I love Andrea, and saw us getting married and making it last. I also realize that the possibility exists that this could be the end. It's not my first rodeo, so I'm prepared for whatever may happen. Andrea also asked me to help her move in 2 weeks, and I told her I would (she has plenty of money to hire a moving company, so I see it as a good sign). In googling over the past 2 weeks, I've found that a large majority of "breaks" don't reconcile (especially on this forum), but this circumstance and my relationship with Andrea doesn't seem like any other I've read about. I've also read that taking a break can help a relationship when one or both partners feel like they've lost their identity in the relationship, and that break can give them time to rediscover themselves. Any insight or advice is appreciated. Thanks for reading.
Author beetlejuice Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 Sorry if my timeline seems out of order. Wrote this post on my phone during a lunch break. I do find it interesting that as I've backed off a bit, she's come closer in a sense. A woman I know (in her 50's, been through 20 years of therapy), says Andrea is responding to me, in a good way. Andrea is a very strong, independent woman who is very direct. So when she tells me something, I take it at face value. So I believe she needs a break during this stressful time (best friend, new house, etc). The tough part is, this is the best relationship either one of us has ever had (both admitting this to each other over the last 6.5 years). No cheating, verbal or physical abuse, no games, etc. And I know in my heart she still loves me (as I love her). So I guess I just have to sit back and let this all unfold. It's really tough.
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