DustySaltus Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I knew this was coming for a while and today it finally occured, I am officially having a nervous breakdown. My life is not what I want it to be right now, but what does it matter anyway. This has been snwoballing since my breakup a year ago and although therapy helped at one point this feeling of dread has now thoroughly consumed me. I can't focus at work (obviously, look what I'm doing at this moment), I fail to truly appreciate the people that are most important to me in life, I continually focus on the negative. I feel like I have given up on my life before I'm even 30. I can't believe someone who made me the happiest person in the world now made me one of the saddest and darkest. Sure, I've climbed out of the fog every once and a while...but now is just worse that ever. Why was I even put here if I have to endure a dead end job, broken promises, countless months of waiting for my dream job to come to pass and the rehashing of my broken engagement over and over and over again. I'm a broken man and it's sad. Thanks K
Patrice Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 What happened and why? How long have you felt despondent?
Author DustySaltus Posted August 31, 2010 Author Posted August 31, 2010 I've felt really bad for about the past week. I don't really know exactly what triggered it although my birthday is coming up and I just have this fear of getting older and not accomplishing what I should have. Add to that the fact that although I am in a relationship with someone I do care about, I continue to habitually rehash thoughts of my broken engagement of my ex. You see, that was the happiest point of my life. I didn't care about getting older and I was just taking things one day at a time. Now, the REALITY of life has just hit me like a brick. (Feel free to read some of my earliest posts to see what brought me here in the first place, but it's a lot more than that now).
Patrice Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I'll read your earlier posts ... you're young - don't forget it. Did something else happen to trigger this? Think back to when you started feeling this way and revisit events, an incident that may have happened then.
ShannonMI Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I knew this was coming for a while and today it finally occured, I am officially having a nervous breakdown. My life is not what I want it to be right now, but what does it matter anyway. This has been snwoballing since my breakup a year ago and although therapy helped at one point this feeling of dread has now thoroughly consumed me. I can't focus at work (obviously, look what I'm doing at this moment), I fail to truly appreciate the people that are most important to me in life, I continually focus on the negative. I feel like I have given up on my life before I'm even 30. I can't believe someone who made me the happiest person in the world now made me one of the saddest and darkest. Sure, I've climbed out of the fog every once and a while...but now is just worse that ever. Why was I even put here if I have to endure a dead end job, broken promises, countless months of waiting for my dream job to come to pass and the rehashing of my broken engagement over and over and over again. I'm a broken man and it's sad. Thanks K I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Just realize you aren't alone and a lot of us on LS are dealing with the same kind of hurt and sadness. I'm one of them. It's been 4 months since I broke up with my ex and everyday is a struggle. Are you still in therapy? Have you considered taking anti-depressants? You may not consider that an option, but they do help. You don't have to be on them forever. Just while you are going through this difficult time.
worlybear Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Hi. Please go and see a doctor/counsellor.You have reached rock bottom and the only way is up. It sounds to me as if you have a lot of unresolved issues regarding your broken engagement- you need to talk about this with someone impartial as it doesn't sound as if you have come to terms with it. Please don't give up. Life is worth living- you just need some support right now. Hugs:bunny:
Author DustySaltus Posted August 31, 2010 Author Posted August 31, 2010 I'll read your earlier posts ... you're young - don't forget it. Did something else happen to trigger this? Think back to when you started feeling this way and revisit events, an incident that may have happened then. I just think it's a snowball effect. Just getting anxiety as my birthday approaches and I realize that I put so much effort into the relationship and not enough into myself.
Patrice Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Dusty, you saw your ex two months ago and are in a new relationship now?
Author DustySaltus Posted August 31, 2010 Author Posted August 31, 2010 I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Just realize you aren't alone and a lot of us on LS are dealing with the same kind of hurt and sadness. I'm one of them. It's been 4 months since I broke up with my ex and everyday is a struggle. Are you still in therapy? Have you considered taking anti-depressants? You may not consider that an option, but they do help. You don't have to be on them forever. Just while you are going through this difficult time. I appreciate the kind words. I was in therapy for 5 months July-December 09, then I thought I was fine only until recently...The thing is that I know I dodged a huge bullet with my ex. I don't see myself taking anti-depressants because it's like putting a band aid on a bullet wound. I need to do some heavy lifting here.
Author DustySaltus Posted August 31, 2010 Author Posted August 31, 2010 Dusty, you saw your ex two months ago and are in a new relationship now? No I haven't seen her in a year and have been NC for 9 months.
ShannonMI Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I just think it's a snowball effect. Just getting anxiety as my birthday approaches and I realize that I put so much effort into the relationship and not enough into myself. You need to start thinking about yourself and your well being. You need to focus on you and what makes you happy. Once you figure yourself out the rest will fall into place.
Author DustySaltus Posted August 31, 2010 Author Posted August 31, 2010 Hi. Please go and see a doctor/counsellor.You have reached rock bottom and the only way is up. It sounds to me as if you have a lot of unresolved issues regarding your broken engagement- you need to talk about this with someone impartial as it doesn't sound as if you have come to terms with it. Please don't give up. Life is worth living- you just need some support right now. Hugs:bunny: Thanks, I may make an appointment to see the therapist again shortly.
ShannonMI Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I appreciate the kind words. I was in therapy for 5 months July-December 09, then I thought I was fine only until recently...The thing is that I know I dodged a huge bullet with my ex. I don't see myself taking anti-depressants because it's like putting a band aid on a bullet wound. I need to do some heavy lifting here. You need to go back to therapy. You need to get yourself well. You deserve to feel better.
Patrice Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Absolutely, you need to tend to your own health and well-being right now. We've all been there .... understand that you're still healing from something traumatic. You can expect bad days and good days ... but, if it's at the point of feeling like a breakdown, make the appointment.
supersub Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I knew this was coming for a while and today it finally occured, I am officially having a nervous breakdown. My life is not what I want it to be right now, but what does it matter anyway. This has been snwoballing since my breakup a year ago and although therapy helped at one point this feeling of dread has now thoroughly consumed me. I can't focus at work (obviously, look what I'm doing at this moment), I fail to truly appreciate the people that are most important to me in life, I continually focus on the negative. I feel like I have given up on my life before I'm even 30. I can't believe someone who made me the happiest person in the world now made me one of the saddest and darkest. Sure, I've climbed out of the fog every once and a while...but now is just worse that ever. Why was I even put here if I have to endure a dead end job, broken promises, countless months of waiting for my dream job to come to pass and the rehashing of my broken engagement over and over and over again. I'm a broken man and it's sad. Thanks K Hey dusty, So sorry you are feeling this way. You have offered so much advice to many many people on here, and I know you have tried and succeeded to help them in every way you can with your experiences. Let me tell you that I know exactly what you are feeling, they kind of haunt you, you try to go on, and date, better yourself, but they keep coming around. Its hard to sever those emotional ties, and you tend to forget the bad stuff and put them on that pedestal, believe me I know exactly how it feels because I've been doing it for 10 months, and its a pain in the backside. Don't give up my friend, because you never know who may come into your life tomorrow. Do what you have to do to get yourself better, and remember you wont be any good to anyone if you decide to descend the depths to despair. Yep I know we have heard it all before but sometimes we need a reminder. Hang in there mate. I know you can beat this. Sup.
Author DustySaltus Posted August 31, 2010 Author Posted August 31, 2010 Thanks Super. I've already sank pretty deep into it so the only way out is up. I used to be such a happy guy but this whole experience changed me. It made me grow up. It made me realize that there are some truly vindictive people out there. It made me think stupid things like, why would I want to get married in the future and why would I even want to have children anymore. Just nonsense that I can't even begin to rationalize. I need to get back to being me, but i've been saying this for a long, long time. I see glimpses of it here and there, but that's it.
lonelygurl Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I appreciate the kind words. I was in therapy for 5 months July-December 09, then I thought I was fine only until recently...The thing is that I know I dodged a huge bullet with my ex. I don't see myself taking anti-depressants because it's like putting a band aid on a bullet wound. I need to do some heavy lifting here. Anti-depressants are not a bandaid to be honest. And it does not make you weak if you take them. Besides that no one has to know you are even on them. If you are dealing with a lot and feeling very depressed you need something to help you. Anti-depressants can be short term for some, for ppl like me it is the rest of my life. The thing is when you feel hopeless as you are indicating ADs can help lift some of that hopelessness and help you manage some of the stuff you are struggling with a bit better. A year is not a very long time to have lost a relationship. I'm over a year and a half and still no were near healed.
TuesGirl Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 DS...I don't know how old you are, but you said approaching 30...I just wanted to let you know that when I was 28.5 I broke off a 6 year relationship and engagement bc my fiance cheated on me. And for some reason, my impending 29th birthday was hell. A total mind game. I was over the fact that I wasn't going to be with 'him', but I thought, "holy cow, how did I get to be 29 and only accomplish 'so much' (which in honesty is quite a bit, but I was in the dumps too . I felt like there was all of this 'stuff' that I was supposed to have accomplished by 30 and now I only had ONE year to do all of that and I started to panic/be depressed. Well, at 33, and I am sure others can relate, I can definitely say that life is still pretty grand and there is plenty of time to accomplish those things. (Buuut I have been fervently making a dent in that bucket list the past 5 years!) If you are unhappy with certain aspects of your life though (i.e. your job) then change it. It's scary as hell, I know, but do it, for yourself. I stuck around for a year after my debacle, but then I started applying for jobs in Denver, 6 hours away from where I was living. A few months later, I got one, and picked up and moved. Best and happiest thing I had done for myself in a long while. Just trust that you will be ok. Take each task one at a time. Reward yourself, even if it's small. And know there is plenty of time to make all of life correct. Good Luck!
Author DustySaltus Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 Thanks Tuesgirl. I'm feeling a little bit better this morning. I had dinner with a good friend of mine last night and she calmed me down somewhat and helped me to try and put things in perspective. I need to change my attitude but I feel like there's a constant fight within myself between dwelling on the positive and the negative in my life. I should be using that energy on other things, but that's easier said than done.
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