whiskeygrl82 Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I married my husband on May 1 of this year, just 4 short months ago but now I am starting to wonder if I did the wrong thing. We dated for about a year and half before our wedding but before that, we dated for 3 months and then split up for 3 months before getting back together. I was very hurt by his leaving and even more devestated when I learned that he began having sex with someone just 6 days after our breakup. Since our reunion in October of 2008, I have not been able to look at him the same way and to say the least, our sex life went downhill. I have been unable to achieve an orgasm without the use of a vibrator and to be completely honest, he doesn't even turn me on anymore. I love him, I truly do and I am completely faithful despite being sexually frustrated and unsatisfied. We had great sex on our honeymoon but even then, I had to assist myself in order to climax. Please help! Was I wrong to marry him even though I love him because I'm not sexually attracted to him??
redtail Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 ... Please help! Was I wrong to marry him ... I suspect that there is more that lies beneath the surface of this situation than just post marital second thoughts. It sounds as though the marriage was used to heal the break up, probably not the best grounds to marry, but rest assured there have been worse. Given that, the wounds that predate the marriage, that originated from the break up, have not been resolved. You must resolve them in order for your relationship to survive. Otherwise, if left unresolved, resentment can only get worse and then the answer to your question is yes, you were wrong. But I believe if both of you commit to communicating and work out the ill feelings from the past, then the answer could be no, it was the right thing to do. It will take both of you, and as is most often the case, marriage counseling would be a good choice here. Best of luck to you!
Distant78 Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I married my husband on May 1 of this year, just 4 short months ago but now I am starting to wonder if I did the wrong thing. We dated for about a year and half before our wedding but before that, we dated for 3 months and then split up for 3 months before getting back together. I was very hurt by his leaving and even more devestated when I learned that he began having sex with someone just 6 days after our breakup. Since our reunion in October of 2008, I have not been able to look at him the same way and to say the least, our sex life went downhill. I have been unable to achieve an orgasm without the use of a vibrator and to be completely honest, he doesn't even turn me on anymore. I love him, I truly do and I am completely faithful despite being sexually frustrated and unsatisfied. We had great sex on our honeymoon but even then, I had to assist myself in order to climax. Please help! Was I wrong to marry him even though I love him because I'm not sexually attracted to him?? So you're angry with him because he slept with someone else when you guys split up? Wow, then why the hell did you marry him if you still had a problem with that. The guy didn't cheat on you and now you're saying he can't fulfill you sexually. Why marry the guy if the sex was that bad to begin with before you even married him? Divorce him before you end up cheating on him.
Author whiskeygrl82 Posted August 31, 2010 Author Posted August 31, 2010 So you're angry with him because he slept with someone else when you guys split up? Wow, then why the hell did you marry him if you still had a problem with that. The guy didn't cheat on you and now you're saying he can't fulfill you sexually. Why marry the guy if the sex was that bad to begin with before you even married him? Divorce him before you end up cheating on him. I didn't say I was angry with him. He hurt me worse than I had ever been hurt in my life but I never stopped loving him. And I married him because I love him. Before the breakup, the sex was incredible, the best I'd ever had. I guess I just figured after almost 2 years I'd be able to get the image of him with her out of my head. I will not cheat on my husband, I don't believe that marriage is all about sex. Whether or not I am sexually satisfied won't matter in the long run but right now it's taking its toll on me and on my husband. He's as frustrated as I am.
Distant78 Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I didn't say I was angry with him. He hurt me worse than I had ever been hurt in my life but I never stopped loving him. And I married him because I love him. Before the breakup, the sex was incredible, the best I'd ever had. I guess I just figured after almost 2 years I'd be able to get the image of him with her out of my head. I will not cheat on my husband, I don't believe that marriage is all about sex. Whether or not I am sexually satisfied won't matter in the long run but right now it's taking its toll on me and on my husband. He's as frustrated as I am. You didn't say you were angry with him, yet you still have issues with him sleeping with someone else while you guys broke up? If you still had that problem, then maybe you should've waited before you got married. Whether or not you are sexually satisfied will matter in the long run because a marriage cannot survive without sex and if you plan on being with him, then you better get some IC or something because your marriage will not last in the long run, especially since its already having problems early on.
InceptorsRule Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 OP, you don't say whether you have actually ever had a frank discussion with your husband about all these feelings that you have been carrying with you about the past. It seems to me that you need to find a way to put all this stuff on the table with him, get it off your chest. Marital counseling might be the safest way to try this. Holding it in isn't going to do any good.
redtail Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 ... Before the breakup, the sex was incredible, the best I'd ever had. ... I don't believe that marriage is all about sex. ... Well, you're right of course, marriage is not all about sex. But as Woody Allen said "Sex is only 5% of a relationship, but if that 5% isn't there, the other 95% doesn't matter." And it seems to me, sex is the issue here. It sounds like you're fairly adamant about saving the marriage, that's a good thing. Is your husband aware of this issue? I mean aware to the extent that he knows you're questioning whether or not you did the right thing marrying him? If not, then all this conversation needs to include him and as I mentioned before, maybe an impartial third party?
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