calithin83 Posted February 19, 2004 Posted February 19, 2004 I love my bf of 3 years and 2months alot...i really do yet im not happy anymore ever since yesterday...he tried breaking up...he actually broke up with me..he told me he didnt love me-and it wasnt the first time he said that- he told me he thought that it be better if we went our seperate ways.... I burst into tears...WHY?? WHY??? is what rolled over my mind...just on valentines we had such a nice time, I was so happy..we were so happy...everything seemed right and all of a sudden he sais he doesnt love me..it didnt make sense...i finally convinced him to stay with me..but i cant get those words off my head... I love him but he DOESNT love me:(....it breaks me apart..i really REALLY want to forget him!!!! but its hard especially because I have a class with him this semester (again)...and either way it be hard whether i saw him or not because Im so used to him..hes my first love...and ive been wtih him for such a long time that its just weird to be without him...i need some help..i cant stay stuck in something like this..he doesnt love me..he doesnt love me!!! and i love him so much.......................... this feels so off...today i decided not to kick it wtih him..even though we usually used to...after class...but i think its the best, even though i cant seem to get him off my mind and wish he would call...im trying to be strong to not call him...but i really wanna talk to him, i wish he would be sweet with me..i wish he would fall in love with me again..but i guess when ure out of love u cant get back in it: ( i just dont understand why he fell out of love?? maybe i was too clingy? will he ever love me again?....now he just sais he cares about me alot but thats not enough after 3 years of loving him i dont think being cared for alot is what i want..i want him to love me... but i cant force him so i have to move away..but how???
pinkroses Posted February 20, 2004 Posted February 20, 2004 I don't understand it either how guys can be loving and involved one day and completely detached and wanting to get away the next, the heartless jerks. My ex just suddenly cut himself off from me, nothing I did or said, and he has to gall to talk mean to me like I was the one who changed or did him wrong! If this is your first love and it's lasted 3 years, I can see why you'd be shell-shocked and completely heartbroken. It's those first loves that brand our hearts and we never forget. If it ends try to be thankful for the three years you had and what you learned and can take into a new and more worthwhile relationship in the future.
Darkangelism Posted February 20, 2004 Posted February 20, 2004 Girls do the same thing. But anyway, give it time, you will feel better and will be able to move on and find someone else, it just means that he wasn't the one.
UCFKevin Posted February 20, 2004 Posted February 20, 2004 I don't understand it either how guys can be loving and involved one day and completely detached and wanting to get away the next, the heartless jerks. That's precisely what my girlfriend did to me. It ain't just guys.
Cpunch75 Posted February 20, 2004 Posted February 20, 2004 doesnt matter how nice you are to them doesnt matter if YOU *think* everything is fine in the relationship doesnt matter with how many cards and little gifts you give to them doesnt matter what he/she may tell you, because it definitely means something different, here is a sample http://www.expage.com/ck143
Arabess Posted February 20, 2004 Posted February 20, 2004 Cpunch......what a great website! I copied and pasted it for future reference!!!! LOL! Cali....there just aren't suitable answers. Love isn't always fair OR kind. I can say, I know a person's feelings can change for any number of reasons. It doesn't make them a bad person...nor does it indicate anything is wrong with you. The relationship just no longer worked for both parties. Heartbreak is so hard to go thru. It takes a long time to get thru it and finally feel normal again. Eventually, you do though. Post, go out with friends, find other interests......and cry till you run out of tears. I'm sorry....
The flower girl Posted February 20, 2004 Posted February 20, 2004 He seems to of keept you in the dark and just sprung it on you, I fink this is the worst way and hardest!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what a whimp! My ex finacee of three years dumped me on New years eve (2000) on the dance floore at 5 to midnight, then turned round and kissed a very young (she was 15 he was 33) year old and told me it was over, as he said the words everyone danced and shouted happy new year, while i stood there gobsmacked. I go no warning, the day before we had been house hunting and a week before he had had my name tatooed oh his back! as well as giving me a ring and going down on one knee a year before and always tellin me he loved me and could never be without me. the point is.... Some men will never give you hints, but blame you and say you should of seen it coming after. Thats there fault. Some men lie because its "kinder" for you, but of course its not, its only kinder for them. Some men cover up the fact they are not happy and that makes us try harder, because then we are trying for two, and when its goes wrong we are left angre and unfilled - we tryed really hard put all that efferot into it and we feel cheated, where is our reward? since when was being dumped a reward?! You are young, as was I when i was dumped, it feels bad now and you feel like you have done somthing wrong, but remember, it those who run that fall over there future and us, that care that welcome it. You will be fine. Take a deep breath. Be Brave. And never let anyone treet you like that again. You are more amazing then you know and this is one chapter in your life it will pass and you will be a better person because of it. Take care Flower
moimeme Posted February 20, 2004 Posted February 20, 2004 My ex finacee of three years dumped me on New years eve (2000) on the dance floore at 5 to midnight, then turned round and kissed a very young (she was 15 he was 33) year old and told me it was over, as he said the words everyone danced and shouted happy new year, while i stood there gobsmacked. I go no warning, the day before we had been house hunting and a week before he had had my name tatooed oh his back! as well as giving me a ring and going down on one knee a year before and always tellin me he loved me and could never be without me. the point is.... That's it. I'm buying a lie detector.
Cpunch75 Posted February 20, 2004 Posted February 20, 2004 Flower, That has got to be the most harsh break up i've ever seen, or heard in my lifetime! by now you realize that you are way better off without him..... "It doesn't make them a bad person...nor does it indicate anything is wrong with you. The relationship just no longer worked for both parties. " and eventually you will see, after healing, just how ridiculous the person really is, As i'm seeing now with this girl i've been seeing who is going back to her moron cheating ex bf who's been in college for 10 years.....yippee
Arabess Posted February 20, 2004 Posted February 20, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme That's it. I'm buying a lie detector. Let's shop together...maybe they will give us a two-for-one deal!!!! I can see how a relationship slowly dwindles down...but when it jumps from one end of the love-o-meter to the other end almost overnight....WTF???? It makes NO SENSE!
niko1999 Posted February 20, 2004 Posted February 20, 2004 I definaltey know how you feel. Almost a year ago, I went through the same thing with my boyfreind, though I knew we were having problems, I didnt expect to get "i love you, but Im not IN love with you". I have never felt so much pain as I did then. Luckily, I was a lucky one, and he took it back the next day, by telling me several times(and showing me_) that he loved me. But given the situation, you unforutnaly cant make someone love you, as much as you would like to. My idea? Pack the bags and go. Especially if this is your first serious relationship, youll realize that you grew considerably with this, the three years did not go down the drain. that is the worst way to look at the end of a relationship. Look at what you learned, and what was good, and what made you happy. And you will experience other times like that in your life, and you will find someone who LOVES you, not just cares about you.
Author calithin83 Posted February 21, 2004 Author Posted February 21, 2004 thank you for the advice, i really appreciate it... I know that all of you are right....I know that I'm young and I know that what I had with my bf was something beautiful. But i cant stay stuck on it only because it WAS beautiful...i want it to always be beautiful and to always be appreciated and if im not I think i rather be alone. Im actually a lil relaxed right now, and trying to think positive. I talked to my bf last night and I told him that it bugged me alot that he didnt love me, and i asked him once again "are u sure u dont love me?" and he just said he didnt know...that uncertainty is most likely a no....so well if he doesnt love me then...it doesnt make me less then it just shows that i need to love myself more now rather then love him..i dont think he deserves my love anymore...slowly but eventually i will try to not love him.... today we were supposed to hang out but its almost 5pm and im still waiting up on him to see Whats up...i feel like just calling him and telling him imma go out with friends, cos i dont like waiting on him, if he really wanted to see him he would hurry and see me right?....i feel like he just feels pressured by me to see me and bla bloa and its not something that comes from his own desire, and i rather have nothing in that case... im going to move out soon and go to cal state fullerton which is an hour away from home and like 2 hours away from him..i think this will be the best thing ever, and not only will i be independent but i get to just start new somewhere else..this will be in Fall 2004 hopefully if i pass all my classes this semester (math sux though).... anyways i want to focus on these things right now 1. school - pass all my classes, 2. GYm, get a tight body, im already thin just want to get toned allover, 3. Go to church- need this! 4. Make new friends, 5. ? ! ?!
The flower girl Posted February 21, 2004 Posted February 21, 2004 Aw thanks everyone, as for my story, yes it was very cruel, and it didt make sense for a lot of the time after. But five weeks later I saw him out and he told me his gf was pregnant and he had had been seeing her for a long time behind my back. When I asked what I had done wrong he told me it was because I would not take drugs with him and have a "laugh" and his new gf was into that thing and never naged him about it. (we often had fights because of his drugs habit, mainly because I refused to buy them for him, or do them) It helped me let go allot knowing she was going to have his baby, I knew there was no chance of us ever getting back together. Of course it hurt allot for a while after. I thought this might be the thing to get him off drugs as well, but of course, he is still doing them, even more so now. I really think it changed my life for the better. I done things I would never of done if he had not dumped me so harshly, I quit my job right away and went back to uni to finish my degree I had given up for him (he needed me to work so i could help him pay for his loans!) and then I travelled for six months and that was amazing, by the time I came back to Norwich I feelt like I had gone from a little girl to a woman, I was ready for life again. I found him doing the same thing, cheating on his babies mother openly in clubs, doing drugs and having to sell his car (his pride and joy)! To pay for his loans. Its mean, but walking back in to Norwich and seeing him, knowing I had a happy future ahead and how he had gone himself into such a mess was amazing! loll I dont hate him just feel sorry for him, he's the one who thought he was going into a new life but he's back to where he was and doing the same thing to her. I will never tell her what I know, because she never told me what she knew. Anyway, i met a wonderful guy who i trust so much, he lives 200 miles away and I still dont worry, and you know, after i went through i really should not trust anyone ever again! so that gives us all hope! -) ps) hehehe hes still going to have to have that tatoo for ever!
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