iLovedHer Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Hi .. This is my first post , first time I ever opened to anyone about things like this but I dont care anymore ... so, my ex dumped me few days ago, and I bear such misery that upon seeing me , other people become sad. I've lost my appetite , and recall all this sleepless nights on a wet pillow. Every song reminds me of her , and I can't help myself without crying a river. We broke up many times before, but it was never this "serious". We dated only a bit more than half a year, but it felt like eternity. I was a cutter before , I do realize it is a bad thing, but I have such an essence of despair right now in me , that I feel suicide would be my best option to cope. Ofcourse , I'm not gonna let that happen , or atleast try ... She dumped me for sometimes acting cold or not-caring and a broken promise. I don't know what's happening to me , but now I realized that sometimes I've been such a jerk that she is right about what she's done now.. She is still aware I love her , I talked to her everyday on chat since we broke up , she even on some points mentioned hope of "us" , but like.. it's too late. It's like , a barrier of knives I have to pass through to save us, it hurts so much , but it would even more hurt me to watch her walk away , and never be what she used to .. my only love. I've been reading this forums and found problems similar as mine, and you guys recommended NC as option to heal. My problem is, I was so emotionally bound to her and only glue that can fix my broken heart is in her hands .. I can't just NOT-talk to someone who holds our salvation in her hands. This hurts so much to even think about, yet she loves me , and I love her , she just doesn't want to start over again cuz it was impossible with me being a jerk. I apologized, said what I really meant, and as I've already told her before I wouldn't be a jerk, and happens that I did , she doesn't trust me ... I CAN'T LET GO OF HER , so please recommend me anything else than NC or something .. I'm desperate waiting for any response.
aeion Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Im sorry man but you have to go NC. Otherwise all youre doing is setting yourself up for an even WORSE heartbreak. My ex and i had a similar situation, although she didnt say i was acting like a jerk. We had a great relationship until she started to want to experience college single (meet guys, hook ups etc). Long story short, she pretty much kept me on the backburner for a couple months until she met someone else. I should have gone NC as soon as she ended it for a "break" but like you, i felt it was more important to wait around than to just drop her. In the end i got the biggest heartbreak i could have asked for all because she was too "nice" to say she was over it. Dont play into the BS, there is only one truth. She's done. It WILL get easier, i mean you did have a life BEFORE you met her
Author iLovedHer Posted August 31, 2010 Author Posted August 31, 2010 IDK how to do NC , she contacts me first .. she texted me few hours ago.
leftfield Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 IDK how to do NC , she contacts me first .. she texted me few hours ago. Ignore it. Plain and simple. I know the temptation to reply is too much to bear sometimes, but you have to be strong. Come on here and post your feelings, someone is always here to read and respond and try to help you out, but do not continue to respond to her. NC is the ONLY option, I'm sorry that you don't want to hear that, but it's the truth. Please don't even start to talk about suicide, that is not the answer and you know it. Pretty much everyone in here is hurting in one way or another, myself included. We do understand the pain you're going through, really we do. It sounds as though you need to focus on yourself and try to do some things that you enjoy. It's awful to feel so down that you cannot even contemplate a future with happiness in it, but you do have one. Look after yourself my friend.
Author iLovedHer Posted August 31, 2010 Author Posted August 31, 2010 (edited) Well , you guys say it's the only option , and ****ed up person as I am, I always do the opposite of what I'm told, suggested, etc.. Yes, I contacted with her this night, we realized stuff what happened and why and from some of her sentences, I see the potential, and that she wants to be back with me asap. Though she said she just need a little tiny bit of time just to clean the mess this break up left behind, and so do I. Also she stated she would never do anything that would hurt me, even if we're not together, so .. She never failed me or lied to me , I don't know why she would now. So .. I would still prefer this over NC , though it is an option too... I suppose it is the ONLY option in ONLY some relationships... Well , i mean , we both love each other, and we're not together, what the hell? .. That doesn't make any sense. So I'm sure ignoring eachother wouldn't help.. One thing is sure, I will keep doing my best, cause I know I can, I know I must. Never give in, for there is hope. EDIT: Btw , thank you for replying and support, we all learn from experiences , I really appreciate that you took a minute or few to write anything to me. It's always nice to know you have someone supporting you. (and you be a jerkass and to total opposite of what they support you XD) Edited August 31, 2010 by iLovedHer
Fruitpunch Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Well , you guys say it's the only option , and ****ed up person as I am, I always do the opposite of what I'm told, suggested, etc.. Yes, I contacted with her this night, we realized stuff what happened and why and from some of her sentences, I see the potential, and that she wants to be back with me asap. Though she said she just need a little tiny bit of time just to clean the mess this break up left behind, and so do I. Also she stated she would never do anything that would hurt me, even if we're not together, so .. She never failed me or lied to me , I don't know why she would now. So .. I would still prefer this over NC , though it is an option too... I suppose it is the ONLY option in ONLY some relationships... Well , i mean , we both love each other, and we're not together, what the hell? .. That doesn't make any sense. So I'm sure ignoring eachother wouldn't help.. One thing is sure, I will keep doing my best, cause I know I can, I know I must. Never give in, for there is hope. EDIT: Btw , thank you for replying and support, we all learn from experiences , I really appreciate that you took a minute or few to write anything to me. It's always nice to know you have someone supporting you. (and you be a jerkass and to total opposite of what they support you XD) It really annoys me when people give advice on here and still people do the EXACT opposite. Here are two points i want you to consider 1) Your situation is EXACTLY the same as everyone elses and your girlfriend is NOT more complicated, messed up, mixed up than other girls 2) If she does not tell you she wants you back, NEVER read into it that she does. You have text her back, spoken to her and given her all of the emotional support that she needs to continue breaking up with you. She hasnt said she wants to get back together so assume that she does not. If you had have stayed NC then she would have had time to miss you, NOT got emotional support , become more curious of you and if she has enough feelings she would then realise that she wanted you back. Fail. Back to the start
aeion Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Agreed. NEVER rule out the fact that they can and probably will hurt you. Go NC and start functioning as a single lifeform again. Why do you want someone who doesnt want you as much as you want her? C'mon dude youre better than that, and you DESERVE better than that. I thought my ex was the love of my life, i thought she could NEVER cheat on me like she did. You know what the funny part is? after she cheated, she dumped me saying she needed to find herself and all that BS (and yes it is BS). I waited like an idiot, passing up girls that i knew would be great to be with. But i waited. Eventually she did return, only to leave me for another guy who she isnt serious about at all two weeks later. Just a summer hook up. Lesson Learned. Trust me you dont want to learn this the hard way. You will only end up truly shattered.and it will be harder to recover because then your pride will be severly damaged.
missner Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 On a similar line of thought as this thread, what do I do when my ex messages me, I don't respond, (or respond very shortly without much interest), and then they start asking why I'm acting that way/ignoring them? It's happened before and I'm not really sure what I should say in response
Author iLovedHer Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 Well , speaking of pride , I've already sacrificed mine, I don't mind having no when it comes to losing a person. I will NC on my side , but I reply short and plain if she messages first back, just to not have a feeling i'm ignoring her , cuz she'd be mad if I did. I will keep you informed , either way I will learn a lesson , I mean I'm already hurt too much , what can I lose speaking of that way? Thank you all
boosh Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Well , speaking of pride , I've already sacrificed mine, I don't mind having no when it comes to losing a person. I will NC on my side , but I reply short and plain if she messages first back, just to not have a feeling i'm ignoring her , cuz she'd be mad if I did. I will keep you informed , either way I will learn a lesson , I mean I'm already hurt too much , what can I lose speaking of that way? Thank you all Trust me, don't. If you're going NC, go NC. None of this half assed stuff. I get you care about the girl, but why should YOU care if SHE'S mad considering SHE ended it? You won't even begin to heal and move forward doing NC the way you're doing it. It's hard as hell but you need to adhere to it totally, or don't even bother with it.
jon3105 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Trust me you need to go NC. If she wants to be with you then she will let you know EXACTLY that, in those words "I want to be with you" or "im sorry, this has been a mistake, please take me back". The important thing to realise is she needs to be saying those words, nothing else is good enough. Trust me. My ex asked me to meet up for a chat last week, I hoped/assumed it was to talk about fixing things between us, but instead she just told me about how she has been ****ing someone else a week after our 2yr relationship ended. I wish I hadnt been so blind, and it certainly hasnt helped my recovery. But the lesson I learnt is not to assume anything, I should have just completely ingored her unless it was a text saying exactly those words above. If she wants to be with you, she will say that. If she doesnt, she will move on (maybe not right now, but at some point) and if you dont do the same it will make things even harder. You will get over it and you will find someone else as soon as you are ready to. Whatever you decide, just bare in mind the lesson I had to learn.
missner Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Is the general consensus/agreement with jon then? We stopped texting the moment of breakup pretty much, and all casual conversation took place via instant messages, when we are both usually online and available. If she messages me "hi" or small talk related questions, should I simply not respond at all, even if she starts asking me why I'm not responding and getting frustrated? I also just sent a birthday card, so I'm not sure how that should be handled. I guess if she messages me and says thanks, I can just say no problem and mayb leave it at that..?
Fruitpunch Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 You just sent her a birthday card? Eurgh, dude you are making this so easy for her , and so hard for yourself. Ignore her. If he asks you why, ignore it,
jon3105 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 (edited) Tbh, I was always a complete wimp before. With previous ex's and with this one, after they've broken up with me, they'll message to say "Jump" and I'll ask "How high?", figuratively speaking ofcorse One thing I've learned from others on here and a couple of books over the last few weeks is that, if your ex broke up with you, then it is best to ignore them completely unless they say specifically that they've made a mistake. As others have said in various threads, they will use you as an ego boost, an emotional back up incase their other plans dont work out quite so well. They will text asking how you are, and generally dipping in and out of your life just to try and keep you stringing along. The biggest shock to their system you can give them is by ignoring them. Showing them you wont stick for it and that you still have your own independance, pride and a life without them. Taking the power back away from them. Also, its natural for people to get bored of something the know they can get anytime, instead they'll always want more of what they cant have. If there is any chance of a reconciliation, then you have to give them the cold shoulder and a chance to miss you. As I've said in my other thread, my exs life was a complete mess when we got together (she had a pot addiction and severe paranoia). She left me because a group of guys, one in particular, at her workplace started giving her a bit of attention. Im pretty confident what shes rushed into now is a rebound fling, and that it wont last, and as soon as they get bored of her she'll be back on her own (she doesnt have any friends - she pushed the few that she did have away with her pot smoking years ago) and thats when my phone will ring. Ofcorse hopefully by then, the most satisfying part for me won't be picking it up and giving her a mouthful, or telling her to "**** off". No, it'll simply be just ignoring it completely. Not through the willingness of obeying to NC, but through just not feeling anything or caring about her anymore. Edited September 1, 2010 by jon3105
bney Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 sweetie, your life is precious and suicide is the cowards way out. if she broke up with you just stop talking to her. i know it will hurt, it will hurt like hell. if you stay in contact with her you are not only letting her hurt you but you're hurting yourself as well. trust and believe that if you leave her alone she will either miss you and want to give you a chance or she will just move on to the next man. I've been through and and when i left his behind alone he saw that he wanted me back. when you love someone they are worth that second chance. if she loves you as claimed trust me she will be back because there will never be another you. I don't know you but i want you to be happy! happy is heealthy. ~livestrong~
Author iLovedHer Posted September 2, 2010 Author Posted September 2, 2010 So , I just came to tell you guys that my effort in contact with her was not in vain. We talked it out , realized how things will be in future and last night I even met and kissed her. Our relationship will be picked up where it was left at , really soon enough. ^^!!!
boosh Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 So , I just came to tell you guys that my effort in contact with her was not in vain. We talked it out , realized how things will be in future and last night I even met and kissed her. Our relationship will be picked up where it was left at , really soon enough. ^^!!! Not to be an ass, but goodluck with that. You guys have problems, and taking 2-3 days off isn't going to do a damn thing to change them, even if you both tell each other things will be different now because you had to deal with emotional heartache, etc. Too bad you actually didn't.
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